Wow what a week this has been! So basically I thought I was in a pretty sticky situation. First off, my girlfriend and I had been dating for three years (really amazing relationship, on a friend level mostly but with some intimacy). But ever since I went off to college I got to think about myself and what I want, and that has been very confusing. I began to confront feelings I had pushed back since I was 13 or 14. I'm 18 now. Last week, I just began to have this feeling of dread, the idea that for much of my relationship I felt like I should have felt more than I did. The word limerence comes to mind. "the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship." And I don't think I had that. Which is hard because all my life I felt like I should feel and act a certain way. What I wanted was a "perfect" life with a wife and kids. Something "normal". Well, obviously no one is normal, that's why I put it in quotations! This has been a learning process for me. And although I've had to deal with coming to terms with my sexuality and my relationship, I've realized that I'm incredibly lucky and blessed. For one, my girlfriend was surprisingly supportive about the situation. There were many tears yesterday because we were both just genuinely sad that the relationship had to end, but she recognized too that she had to take time for herself as well. And also, the friends that I have told and my family have all been incredibly supportive. I have a solid group of guy friends who are all very straight (but who knows) and it didn't change the dynamic of the friend group at all! I'm still the same person essentially, I just happen to like men (or maybe women too). So that's my plan now. I don't know what I want, because just two weeks ago I felt like I had it all planned out. There's comfort in security. But I do know that I need to start thinking about what I want rather than what I think other people expect of me. Because really I didn't want to wake up 15 years from now with kids and a wife realizing that I've made a huge mistake.You only have one life. I'm not gonna try and change who I am. And if you are going through what I went through, I promise you it's ten times better to be honest with yourself, because why would you want to live your life lying?
Awww, what a wonderful story! I'm glad your girlfriend was so understanding and that y'all parted on good terms. Of course, it's wonderful about your family and friends, as well! I'm always pleased to hear when someone's accepted themselves and embraced who they are. Best of luck!
First of all, congratulations. That takes a lot of courage, and I certainly wish I had that when I was in high school. Second, you are totally right. Don't try to change who you are, just be you. Be happy with what you have and who you are friends with. Continue to treat everyone with respect, and it will be given back to you. You seem to have a very solid head on your shoulders, keep up the solid mentality and the positive attitude. (*8*)
Congratulations. You did the right thing for yourself but also for your girlfriend. It would not be fair for you to tell her in 15 years that you were gay, I know because I made that mistake....
First, congrats! Accepting yourself is one of the hardest things to do. Second, truer words have never been spoken.
Great advice at the end there, I need to take it to heart. Congrats man, that's an awesome story. You have some awesome friends.
Inspiring. So very proud of you for accepting yourself and being open with your girlfriend. Hang on -- there's a great ride ahead!
I'm truly happy for you! I wish you all the best for a bright future as you figure things out with honesty and integrity. May you find love and fulfilment in the years ahead and promise me that you will be safe, always!
if she cannot be the man you want then it is best to let her go........ I have been in a relationship with a married woman married to a gay man, she thought the only way to make him love her is to turn into the proper dyke, and he still did not love her... she lost all sense of her femininity trying to be what she thought would make him happy, and in doing so lost herself.... or it is better to find a butch lesbian who does not mourn her femininity..... i think her husband should have rather gone for a woman like that who wanted to be a man and nothing but a man........ but she could not keep her feelings under lock down forever, and when they surfaced to need attention she DENIED being a femme lesbian needing the love of another woman.... she chose to be still stuck with him...in a feelingless relationship... but if he was honest with himself and left her, stop lying to himself then maybe he could have been another man himself - happy etc... you know if he did not deny his feminine side.... but because of them doing this both now, they deny their emotions and feelings and live in an empty relationship...thinking the "straight image" they send out into the world would save them while silently killing them both. not very wise.
It really does get better! And now all my friends are incredibly curious about the whole thing. One wants to be my "wing man". Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into...
Enjoy it as much as you can. And let them help! Unless they start screwing things up. Lol. They are your friends for a reason, and it seems like you've got a good bunch!
Wow, I'm so glad that things have gone ok for you. Coming out in a relationship is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Granted I've been married for nearly 11 years and we have a child, but all the hurt and confusion is still there whatever age you are and no matter how long you've been together. You are definitely right though, honesty is the best policy. I really hope things work out for you in the end and you find what makes you happy Vicki x
