Out to my brother

Early on in my coming out process, I really struggled in trying to analyze how to tell my brother I was gay. He was never someone I talked to about life, but he is and always will be my brother.

Anyway, just before Thanksgiving, he came home. He asked me to be his sober driver so he could get drunk with his friends, and I said of course. (He's a fun drunk anyway, really chatty). So the night goes along and I get the call around 1:30 that he and his friends were ready to go home. After the circus of dropping all of them off, he got straight to business and asked me if he could ask me something personal. I knew right away what it was going to be about, but it has always been easier for me to just go with the flow of a conversation and not bring things up.

So, he asks me: "Are you ever going to have a girlfriend or something?" Someone, sometime, yeah. "What does that mean?" I think you know.

He didn't really respond to that, but instead asked me straight away: "I have to ask you something that I've kept quiet for a long time. Was it you who looked at gay porn 10 years ago? I don't really care if it was or wasn't you, I'm just curious." (I'm 23). Yes, bro, that was me. "Does that mean..." Yes, I'm gay.

Deep breaths, thank the Lord I was driving. Had to stay focused. It was a very strange, but controlled situation for me. That was the big drumroll moment that has frightened me for nights, with anyone. And it was so easy. So easy. Very worth repeating how easy it was.

We made it to the house about 2:30, but stayed and chatted until about 4:00. Just about life. He kept reiterating how much it didn't matter that I was gay, and it is such an awesome feeling.

I know some might be leery that telling him while he's inebriated wasn't a good choice, but believe me, he remembers. And the only person he's told was his fiancée, with my permission. I love him so much more now than I ever have before. (*hug*)

Just wanted to share that with you guys. I figure, hey, if it gives someone the confidence to just go for it sometime, then great.

It's true that not all family members will be as accepting as he is, but I believe I have the benefit of an openly gay cousin in the family. He is never back-stabbed or anything like that, and believe me, I pay very close attention to the way people talk. I can't believe how blessed I am, but my family really is amazing.

To those of you who might not be as lucky as me and don't think they can ever come out to anyone, I have this to say: Go out and make friends who already know you're gay. They don't have to be gay or bi or straight, but they have to be okay with who you really are. Good luck everyone (*hug*)