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My (kinda) coming out, + my story

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by RENThead, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. RENThead

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    I should have written in here sooner…
    I’ve kinda come out to a few friends… but not really.

    I think I went about things the wrong way, so this may be kinda long as I tell everyone my story….

    At the start of the year, I would never have imagined I could feel this way for the same sex. One of my friends missed a bus, and called me to take her to basketball training, where I met Emma. the following week I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and I thought I was crazy because why am I feeling this way for another girl (I never had anything against LGBT’s, but I never thought I would be one)
    There was only 2 people I told, my gay friend from work (Shaun) and my friend who I picked up for training, who is a lesbian. They both told me it was ok, and we talked about it for a while, what I was feeling, I asked a lot of questions. (I didn’t like girls, I just liked Emma) they were really encouraging to me, but my girl friend (who is on the same team as Emma) told me not to get involved, because I would get hurt…

    And, me being me, said I will be careful and got involved anyway. I started flirting with her, and we went to the movies, and hooked up. Then went out a couple of times that week, and I eventually asked her out. – (she said yes) things went really well for 3 weeks, when she broke up with me – (because she wasn’t ready, she was still dealing with her ex bf) but we saw each other a stack that week. (and hooked up a couple of times, though we both know we shouldn’t have)

    We had a big fight last night, she is under 18 (the legal drinking age in Australia) and im 18, and I had taken her out a couple of times, her parents found out… a lot of stuff happened. She ‘didn’t feel a connection’ and her parents don’t want her to see me. So I don’t think ill be seeing her for a while….


    Anyway, I have told a few close friends, (I haven’t told them much, just mainly let them ask questions, but they didn’t really have many, and im still not sure I want to tell them everything that im feeling) I told them I wasn’t coming out as a lesbian or bisexual. I just needed to tell them about Emma (It was hard to keep it a secrete, they knew I was seeing someone, and I refused to give a name, ect) I’m still not sure what I am. I just know that I like/d Emma.

    Most of my friends took it well, except my best friend nikki, she said she kinda guessed, and that she was ok with it, but at the end of the night, I went to give her a hug as she was leaving, and she flinched when I touched her. I was upset. But she asked to see me again next weekend, so im happy.

    So, getting to the end of my huge story…
    Im pretty sure I did the wrong thing.. starting a relationship while I am still confused about what I am, and what I want… (or should I say who I want)

    So far – there are 5 people that know. (though im pretty sure everyone on Emma’s team has figured, I don’t talk to them)

    Comments? Advice? Anything… would be appreciated…
    (cookies for anyone who read all that aswell)
     
  2. Trumpetplyer23

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    I understand exactly how you feel. This happened to me two years ago.

    I'll tell you my story. There was this girl, we'll calll her "R", who was in my gym/phys. ed. class. She's a year older than me, but we started talking and becoming sort of friends. Pretty soon, I realized that I had feelings for her. It was really confusing and I had no idea what I was going to do, considering she'd be in high school the next year. She was the first girl I ever liked (ironically, she plays basketball, too). I knew I wasn't a lesbian because just a few weeks before that I liked a guy named Nate. I figured that I'm bisexual, because I still liked guys, but I had feelings for a girl.

    Now, I never hooked up with "R", or did anything with her because she's as straight as a ruler. I moved on, it hurt, a lot. I started finding other girls attractive.

    Advice, here it comes, right now, don't try to figure out your sexuality. It'll only confuse and hurt you more than to begin with. Your sexuality is being stubborn, pretty soon it'll figure out what it wants and it'll tell you. I think it is a good thing that you're getting advice and support from others, keeping your feelings about Emma to yourself doesn't do you any good, trust me. Now, you might be completely straight, besides Emma, or you might be bisexual, only time will tell.

    Also, here's something I like to do when I'm feeling stressed or trying to figure something out. I meditate. To meditate, go to your room (or some place where there's no noise and your comfortable in), face the wall, sit cross legged, close your eyes halfway, empty your mind, and follow your breathing. From there you can trace your thoughts back to where they originated. Oh, and try not to move, or let anything distract you. That will interrupt the process.

    As for starting a relationship too early, you don't have to label yourself to know that you like someone. There's not some GLBT handbook that says you have to figure out if you're gay or whatnot to be in a relationship. Your heart will fall for who it wants to and you can't do a damn thing about it.

    As for the break-up with Emma, from what you're saying she didn't sound hostile. It sounds, to me (I'm not an expert, so my advice can be right or wrong), that she's just as confused as you are and that her parents were one of the major factors in the break-up. It sounds like there was no animosity between you two. Hopefully, a little bit later, you guys can be friends or something.

    I wish you the best of luck, hopefully my advice helped and you won't be terribly confused anymore

    Now, about that cookie....lol
     
  3. GlindaRose

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    Out to everyone
    Wow coincidence!! My first crush was also called Emma!!

    I understand how you feel about the whole confusion thing. It took me 2 years of confusion but I dealt with it by not thinking about it and letting it come naturally. Trying to force a conclusion won't make things any easier.

    As for the whole relationship thing, well don't worry, I nearly did the very same thing, it was with this 20 year old girl I met on a website, but I eventually came to my senses and broke it off before anything happened because I realized I didn't like her that way. Remember we all make mistakes, but we also learn from them and this makes us better people. I certainly learned my lesson from my experience so at least now you know to be more careful.
     
  4. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I think that both Trumpetplyer23 and Heatqueen have said it already - there is no need, not for a second, to label yourself. I still have no idea what I am, and frankly, I don't care anymore. All I know is who I like. And it looks like you've got that sorted. As long as you like someone, *and you can admit it*, you're already half-way there. That is, you wonder whether you were wise to embark on a relationship with Emma when you weren't sure about your sexuality or yourself - what is there to be sure about? You liked her, she liked you, and you went out: there is nothing wrong or premature here with your decision. I think that actually, you acted very maturely: I liked girls when I was younger, but rather than thinking "I like this girl does this mean I'm gay/bi?", I just refused to acknowledge that I liked them. Therefore I think you did completely the right thing, although I am sad for you that it ended so badly. But I wouldn't label yourself, but I would say that you are on the right track in a) admitting that you like someone even when it contradicts your previous perception of yourself and b) letting yourself be in a relationship with a person you like should the opportunity arise. I personally feel that if you like someone, you like them, and they should not become a "symbol" as it were of your sexuality. So I would just say - go with the flow, don't worry about confusion (I'm still there!!), and I hope things improve between you and her, or that you meet someone new :slight_smile:

    ps I hope my rambling helps somehow!!
     
  5. RENThead

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    [​IMG]

    lol.... cookies for everyone..

    thanks guys.
    i think it helped a lot, to just be able to right it all down, and have someone read it.
    my friends know a little bit, but... but it was kinda a big, weight off my chest.

    i think im gunna just sit back for a bit, and as ccdd said 'go with the flow'
    not try to figure things out, but not try and deny anything..

    thanks again (*hug*)