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I Came Out to My Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by PurpleRain, Mar 24, 2013.

  1. PurpleRain

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    I came out today to my girlfriend... I don't know how this is going to go... I was just so tired of hiding and I don't know I just sort of built up to coming out... I've either made a friend that's willing to help me or an enemy who's going to crush me. She promised not to tell anyone though... I just hope she keeps that promise otherwise I'm going to be getting beaten and harassed at school. She seemed ok, but I hurt her and I feel irreparably bad about it. She said I should've told her when the relationship started, but I didn't know that I was trans* then. Had I known I wouldn't have even gotten into it to begin with to spare her what's happening now... :icon_sad:
     
  2. SpitfireXSoarin

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    I hope that she is the supportive one and forgives you. I also hope that you both can still be together and that she understands your situation. It's good to hear that she cares and isn't going to lash out at you for who you are. Maybe she will warm up to the thought of a girlfriend, you never know.

    PS- Girl, it's not your fault or hers, just an unlucky roll of the dice. I give you two my best wishes and I hope it turns out well.
     
  3. Sinopaa

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    (*hug*) Congrats on coming out! I know it's really difficult taking that first step, but it really is for the best. Give her some printed information about being Trans* and try to explain your fears of coming out gently to her. This will be a very trying time for both of you adjusting to your new roles; but if you were both in a relationship this long I'm sure that things will work out. :icon_wink
     
  4. Just Jess

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    (*hug*)

    The best advice I got when I came out to mine is worth repeating here. No matter what happens, you were right to be honest with her. You are a woman and have always been one, and neither of you can change that. Pretending to be something you aren't now won't help things. And one person's happiness is not more important than another person's. You both deserve to be happy and to get something out of the relationship you are in.

    I would give her some space right now. But when the time is right, try talking to her again.

    ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2013 at 04:55 PM ----------

    Hey by the way HUGE congrats. You've got real guts. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you've spared both of you a lot of heartache. I really admire your courage, it took me a lot longer to do the same thing.
     
  5. Valkyrimon

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    Congratulations! Regardless of what happens now, you've taken a big step in the right direction towards being yourself. Plus, it just shows how much courage you've got. Take this as a mark of your resolve. I hope you two can still be at least friends after you've figured out what's going on. Good luck!
     
  6. Zannan

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    I'm glad you told her. Give her time, she thought for the longest time you were her boyfriend. You also need to tell her you didn't know you were trans at the beginning of the relationship. She probally feels betrayed and lied to. So you can kind of see what's she's mad. Netherless, after you give her time explain to her why you didn't tell her before. I hope she forgives you.
     
    #6 Zannan, Mar 25, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2013
  7. PurpleRain

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    She keeps asking me questions (that are kind of offensive honestly) and I answer them but she just refutes my answers... It's like why even ask if you aren't going to listen? :frowning2:
     
  8. charlieswife

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    hey, congrats! From a partners point of view.. you love someone for them,their heart and soul..not the shell that carries those important things around..if she loves you..she'll come around x
     
  9. Zannan

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    She's right. Your girlfriend will come around if she loves you. Love is about what you feel for a person.
    As for the offensive questions just answer honestly and stay calm.
     
  10. Just Jess

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    I can only talk from my own experience, but partly it sounds like she's venting. I would give this a read, it's way helpful

    Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief

    And one thing I learned here that's helped. Don't fake it if you can't. But if you can, it's impossible to argue with you if you're giving her nothing but love and sympathy. She is going to be a lot less tolerant and say some pardon my bad English fucked up and out of character things, and generally not be herself right now. You don't have to respond every time. It's okay to walk away whenever you need to. When you talk to her, just try to let her know you understand how she feels, that this isn't fair to her, and that it wasn't her fault. That there was nothing she could have done differently to prevent this. But also that making you feel guilty will not change your problem or your mind about how to deal with it.

    You can't make her understand anything right now. All she can understand right now is pain and loss. So you automatically lose any argument you have with her right now. So don't argue. But eventually, if she knows that she can't win the you she thought she had back, the you that never really existed, but that you still care about her and how she feels, she will eventually have to start being reasonable or at least thinking about the future and what she wants. Until then it's just going to hurt :frowning2:

    Normally you know I don't go in for this kind of comparison. I have an everyone's pain is valid philosophy. But I think, not just for us trans* folk but for everyone, in a relationship is the hardest kind of coming out. You're doing something most people just aren't capable of. It's okay to cry if you need to. Music helps a LOT too.

    Please check in with us too, will ya? This is hard stuff and we'd love to hear you're still okay (*hug*)
     
  11. Oddish

    Oddish Guest

    That took a lot of courage, and I'm immensely envious of your bravery. Congratulations on coming out, and I really hope that your girlfriend can come to terms and hopefully come around and support you completely. The only thing you need right now is support, not ignorance. I really hope things get better. (*hug*)
     
  12. Lark

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    Wow, that was really brave of you. Here's hoping your girlfriend comes around-you were right to tell her how you really feel, and in the long run it will do less damage than if you had kept it a secret. Good luck, and keep us updated! :slight_smile: