When I use the term "Coming Out" I sort of use it loosely - and I have to clarify, because my situation was somewhat complicated. A brief history of me: I knew I was gay at age 13. (I'm 19 now.) But my upbringing was very strict and my religious mother convinced me that homosexuality was sinful and perverted, and that I must fight off the temptations. So I wasted six years of my life believing that I would go to hell if I accepted the fact that I was gay. My teenage years were miserable. Because not a day went by that I didn't think about my sexuality. I felt so cheated; it seemed like such a simple thing - to be able to accept myself - and yet I was deprived of it. I think in my heart I always knew the truth - that I was born this way and there was no changing it. But I just couldn't come to grips with it yet. I had a few close friends who I had told about all of this. Not that I was gay, but that I was "struggling with homosexual desires," as I put it. I tried to put on a good face and say that I wanted to fight it, that deep down, I knew I was straight. Some were supportive (my church friends), and others tried to be supportive but they knew that I was secretly unhappy and that made them unhappy. I confided in my best friend my daily struggles for about two years. And he always said that I should just accept that it was a part of who I am and be happy. I always said no, but inside, that was what I wanted more than anything else. A few months ago, I came to the realization (more details about that in my "Welcome Lounge" post) that I could be gay and Christian. I no longer believed it was a sin. I knew I could reconcile my spirituality and my sexuality. And when I had that epiphany, I knew it was time to accept it and be me! So that's when I first "Came Out" (here's why I use the term loosely) to my best friend - the same one I had been confiding in for years. I told him that I had finally accepted my sexuality. I think he knew it was coming all along. But it was more of a validation for me. The fact that I had admitted to someone else meant that I had finally admitted it to myself. An enormous weight had been lifted off of me. And that felt so good! I began to tell more people after that - at first, I told my close friends whom I had confided in earlier. The ones who knew I was unhappy before were now overjoyed to hear me come to terms with it. Even my religious friends (who I'm proud to say are quite liberal in their beliefs regarding such issues) told me they supported me and still loved me. I had originally planned not to tell my family until much later - a year or so down the road. But I was so compelled to do so that I couldn't help myself. And honestly, it went better than I thought. When I told my dad, the first thing he said was that he supported me and loved me. I think he still has his reservations, but I know he's trying. My mom was, of course, the absolute hardest person to tell. But she also told me she still loved me. She said that didn't mean she "accepted" my decision and was on board with it, but at least I know that she's not going to disown me or kick me out of the house or anything like that. I've told my grandparents, who reacted very well, and my stepmother - who had the MOST supportive reaction of anyone I've ever told. The second I told her "I'm gay," she gave me the biggest hug ever and said she was so happy for me. :icon_bigg So now, I'm in the process of opening up to more and more people. There are still some family members I haven't told. And I'm not yet at the point where I can just, in random conversation with a total stranger, allude to the fact that I'm gay. But I'm getting there. It's a constant work-in-progress. I'm sorry this post is so long. Perhaps it would have been better suited for my blog or something, huh? Lol. But I do find it very therapeutic to get my feelings out in writing. So thanks for listening - whoever you are! One last word before I wrap things up. My advice to anyone who is in the process of coming out (or has yet to come out to anyone) is this (and it's not original, but it's the best I can think of): pick the low-hanging fruit, so to speak. Tell the people who you know will react positively. Build a support system of friends and family you know you can trust. And as you tell more people, you can start thinking about telling people who may not react as well (family members, workplace, etc.). And the most important thing is that you should never come out - to anyone - until you know that YOU are ready to! Thanks for your time, all! I hope my story has been of some value to you! <3
Great stories about how your family responded -- congratulations! And your family, even Mom with her reservations, loves you and supports you, that's awesome. My advice is similar -- I think in my gut I knew who was most likely to be positive about me coming out, its a good place to start, because those first people are the hardest! Like you, I was lovingly accepted, though a few have their reservations. Congrats again!
I concur completely with Pete and with your advice on the "low-hanging fruit" (so to speak). It is imperative to take small steps, build a network, and gain experience in the process, it does get easier, and, dare I say, fun (to see peoples reactions)! For example, when I came out to my mother, I counted three "are you seriouses" and two "OMGs", you can't buy that kind of entertainment! :icon_bigg
Thank you for the story Having some glimmers of hope that not every coming out has to be very difficult is very encouraging, and it's heartwarming to read! Happy for you! :eusa_danc
