This is my story so far

Nice story, so far so good!

 

Welcome to EC! Congrats on telling those you have told. Could you maybe talk to your mom and get her opinions on how you should tell your dad?

 

serious as in a relationship or serious as in something bad comes up? Has he given you a reason to think he wouldn't take it well?

 

Well he may already suspect then. All I can say is do what you feel is right. If you feel the need to tell him then do it, if not then believe me you'll know when you are ready. I can't tell you to tell him because I'm waiting to tell my grandma and the rest of my dad's side of the family until I'm in a serious relationship (my dad knows) but its because they live over a thousand miles away and they are not an active part of my life.

If you see your dad often you might consider telling him, especially if there is a chance he could hear it from somebody else because its better to hear it from you than somebody else.

But like I said it really is ultimately up to you not anybody on this site or any of your friends or family but you. And also like I said before, since he did "jokingly" bring it up he probably suspects and wanted to know if he jokingly brought it up if you would be honest.

Parents often know more than they let on, believe me I know (my parents)

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Sam

 

First of all - hi! And welcome to EC!

Congratulations on coming out to your mum - and I'm glad her response was good, even though you feel there's something stopping you both discussing it all. If you really want to discuss it with her, maybe you just have to bite the bullet and bring it up? Even though you say she doesn't really want to discuss it, you clearly do, and I think you have to start thinking about your own needs, rather than worrying about making other people feeling uncomfortable

But was it very recently that you came out to her? The reason I ask is because I also suspect that the longer it is left, the harder it will be to bring the topic up again, and the more she will think that you accept her feelings that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Ultimately, though - and I may be way off the mark here - it sounds as though you are as uncomfortable talking about it with people as you think others are talking about it. If you agree (and you may not!!), then this is something you have to work on, and ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable talking about it. You say you don't want to make other people uncomfortable - this is fair enough. But realise that by taking responsibility for other people's feelings you are adding to the burden you already have. You have nothing to be ashamed of or guilty about for discussing these things - straight people discuss things all the time - so I would try and start prioritising your own needs to discuss your sexuality, rather than prioritising the needs of others to feel comfortable.

But good luck!

 

That uncomfortable embarassed feeling you get whilst talking to your mum or friends soon wears off. These feelings are very normal, talking about your sexuality is akward at the best of times but with your mum it's even worse.

I think your mum is doing a great job, it is as hard for her as it is for you but she is letting you set the pace, good for your mum.

Once you get over the initial embarassement things will settle down. As for a steady relationship, who says you have to go double dating? You can have time with your b/f (when you get one) and time with your mates, little by little your two worlds will come together but I definately wouldn't exclude one because of the other.

Any true, long term friends will accept you for who you are and gradually get used to the situation.(*hug*)

 

I'm glad you had a talk with your mum and she said you could be open as you want with her!! I think that, as Louise says, it can be uncomfortable talking to parents about these things, but I think that probably the more you do it the better it will be.

As for straight friends - I think that it is ok not to tell them yet even if other already know. It is totally up to you - although if you think they'd be supportive, and you're ready for them to know, why not? I have some friends who know, and some who don't. Just be careful though when you do come out to them in case they get offended that you told others first.

 

(*hug*) Sorry that you had such a bad reaction. How did you react? Did you manage to keep your cool? I'm not sure I would have been able to! I am so very sorry that he has such harsh homophobic views. I don't know how long you've known him, or how close he is to you, but someone who judges you for who you love is no friend at all. And I'm sorry, but Satan (if you believe in him, which I don't!) does NOT have anything to do with love, which is what homosexuality is about... I mean, Satan? Jeez.

Hopefully, unless he has a blessed turn of face, and realises that he is being completely judgemental, he will just keep his hate to himself. If so, you will then have to decide if you can live with a friend like that. Hopefully he won't hassle you too much - does he still want to be your friend? (and you his?) - I'm sorry, as I don't really know what to advise, as I've never had a religiously-motivated homophobic reaction before. But I'm really sorry (*hug*), but mainly angry and I never get angry! But I'm so :tantrum: on your behalf! (not that this helps!).

Maybe let him cool a bit, get used to the idea and then see what happens? Like, once his automatic reaction has worn off? (It may be he's never had to think about the issue himself before??) If you wanted to debate with him, you could find some of the religious materials on homosexuality and see if that works; but you might not want to, and it might not work anyway. It certainly doesn't sound as though it would, but I'd like to be hopeful for you. I suppose it depends upon how much you wish to keep his friendship, and/or how much it bothers you that he thinks you're a sinner. But I hope he sees the light, and that he's the last negative reaction you have to deal with.

 

Indeed...judging someone so harshly can really hurt that person, and a true friend wouldn't do that.

He should respect your beliefs and step off; people who pursue so doggedly on issues of religion is a microcosm of many events in the middle-east right now.

 

It's still good that you've got that out in the open... Now it's their problem - not yours. Because you are who you are, and I'm quite certain that it isn't Satan at work.

In terms of hanging with straight friends, it really depends on how you feel about it and how they will react I guess. I made it a point to make new friends that were gay - because I wasn't ready to come out to my existing straight friends, yet I wanted to be able to hang out with someone that could relate to what i was going through. Over a year later and I'm still good friends with this person, and it's still nice to be able to discuss stuff going on in my life openly.

 

I'm so sorry that that happened.Maybe if you keep in touch with him, his view will change. and you can continue to look for more supportive friends. And I hope you stay here at EC.