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Stepping out unto my own: My discovery of self

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by ShadowedRainbow, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. Hey, so before I start, I'm typing this on a computer that will scream at me shortly, wanting to be charged. So this may be in parts.

    When I was little, like, about 8(the age I was adopted), I found myself always watching the girls around me. At that time, I thought it was just jealousy because they were always cuter and prettier than I was.
    After a while, I started looking at guys, because that's what everyone expects, right? And I was attracted....at least, I was for 17 years. I had my relationships. I had my sexual experiences, experiences I regret.
    Two years ago, I realized I might like girls. I started a pseudo-relationship with a girl I had fallen for, which ended after I lost my virginity to her eventual boyfriend-now-ex.(just as he had once been my boyfriend as well...I was like obsessed with the boy. Bad, bad me!) Of course, I technically lost it to her first, though....eh, don't wanna think too much on that. She was more active than I thought she was.
    But after those experiences, I moved on. Still had a problem with wanting sex, which led to cheating on both of the most recent exboyfriends. One didn't tolerate that at all, the other one did. And eventually, the sex-wanting stopped. And the sickness, which had always been there in these two years....well, that became more prominent. I knew, when it got to the point where I was almost physically sick 9 times outta 10 that I kissed my now ex(and closest guy friend), that something was off. I'd been considering myself bisexual for the two years, but on March 16, 2013, I came out to a good chunk of my more trusted girlie friends as a lesbian. I also ended the relationship with my ex, even though the lovely nimrod still loves me. I still love him, but there's that problem of him having a penis and being a guy... But all in all, I've had a hard life, but to finally have found at least that aspect of me has helped me see that I am someone, that I am important. Sure, I've still got a lot to learn(like I might actually enjoy shopping--I swear I'm becoming more submissive and femme as I come into my own), but it'll definitely be a while before I've got the courage to come out to my parents. As it is, I'm happier than I've ever been, my depressive moods aren't hitting as much or as badly as they used to, and I'm feeling better than I have in years. ^^ (!)
     
  2. ahundredpennies

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    I'm sort of in the same boat I believe. I've always felt different ever since around the fourth/fifth grade. I didn't hang out with girls, only guys. It surprised the few female friends I had because they were all like "Dudes are so hot!" and I was like, "Nah, they're just chill and we all like to skateboard." I still don't understand what to hoot is about guys and why some girls loose their mind over them. Then one day this one guy who I thought was good looking, asked me out. I wasn't going to ask him out (I never asked a guy out before because I hadn't found one I liked enough to ask) but since he asked I said yes. I didn't want to let him down, and he was cute, and girls date guys. Well, I think I tricked myself into the idea I liked him when I really just wasted to be liked. I ended the relationship after 4 months because I didn't feel attachment to him beyond the "friend zone." Plus his kiss was weird. I didn't like the masculinity about him either if that makes any sense; like his smell and stuff. Anyways, I recently discovered I have feelings for my friend-whose-a-girl and now I'm confused. She's straight, I'm not so sure I am, and it's awkward for me. Hey I might me gay, I might not, but I don't want to spend my teenage years worrying about it. I think I'll cut off my hair, wear ripped jeans, and see where life takes me.
     
  3. maracont

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    The more i read the better i feel about telling my parents im bi and being proud of it in 7th grade. well i might be pan-sexual but i got awhile to start giving a bleep.