I came out to my first family member on April 19th. I wish it were under better circumstances... My grandpa died at 11:30pm April 19th. He had a brain tumor that was killing him very rapidly, and he was in hospice for a few days on morphine. They said he was out cold. We were all in his room and they told us he probably would not make through the night. The family friend (also a priest) who is very good with this stuff suggested that everyone leave and take turns to say what they want to Pop (his nickname) to release any feelings and have better closure when he passes. It was my turn, I'm not a crier, I was just holding his just about life less hand. It was pale and I was just staring at him. It wasn't him. It couldn't be him. I told him I was sad, mad, but too numb to feel anything really. That I would miss him. And then I finally told him. I said "Pop... I have another thing to tell you.... I'm gay. I haven't told anyone in the family and I didnt want to tell you because I didn't want you upset with me. But I feel like telling you." I left it at that for a minute and then told him I loved him. I kissed him on the head, though I couldn't make skin contact because of all the bandaging on his head. I walked out feeling more numb than before. I returned with my mom later that night, to see my cousin holding his hand. We stayed and talked about him and stories we had with him. His breathing became labored, mom grabbed the nurse, we all were around his bed while the nurse put the stethoscope on him and listened for his last heartbeats. Then his breathing stopped. Later the nurse brought a rose and placed it on him. That night as I slept, I had no dreams, I always have dreams. I just kept thinking about whether he heard me or not the next day. I hope he did. I hope he's not upset with me.
I'm so sorry. Heartfelt condolences at the loss of your grandpa. I'm so glad you told him. I wish you peace and healing. And knowing that he knows, I hope will make your coming out to others just a bit easier. That grandpa knows, loves you, and is your guardian angel.
First, I'm so sorry! I think it is very possible that he heard you. When my mom was in hospice, and in a coma, I was convinced that she reacted when I said I'd be tuning the TV to a show we both had liked. I'm sure he'll accept you're gay.
I'm so sorry! It's great that you told him though. I'm sure that he heard you, even if he wasn't able to say anything. This is going to sound silly, but sometimes I talk to my grandpa, even though he died 2 1/2 years ago. He was the first person that I told I was gay.
My Condolonces bro, i know how hard it is when someone you love passes away... believe me its like your whole world has collapsed and your all alone. you become so emo and think "why me..." my dad passed away last year so i know what you're going through. Believe me your Gramps aint mad at ya... he's in a better place now looking down on you and im sure he's glad that he left knowing that you told him who you really are. you may not have dreams for awhile coz your heart and brain is all over the place. sorry about your loss man, now is the time to surround yourself positive people coz they will have your back. and remember your Gramps is in a place with no pain all the best to you and your family (*hug*)
