A MAJOR Development!

Hi everyone!

Last Spring I admitted to myself that I was, indeed, a gay man.

Last Fall I mustered up the courage to start exploring the idea of how one might come out of the closet. I started watching You Tube vidoes, drafted hypothetical coming out letters and joined Empty Closets!

Last Winter I began intentionally being more loose with my actions and my vernacular- doing things like telling friends, "I've got to tell you something sometime...!" and then laughing afterward, or promising myself that if anyone asked if I was gay I would absolutely not say no ever again and finally just say yes.

2 nights ago, my life changed forever and I can barely grasp it.

I formally came out as a gay man to 10 of my best (straight male) friends in a hot tub in a mansion during one of my best buddy's bachelor party (!) hahaha! It was totally unexpected, but it was just as if there was a magical pause in time with everyone having such a great time and bonding so much at that exact point in time that it was literally like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to do it if I was ever going to do it! For gosh sakes, before hand we started something called "the circle of trust" and were passing a football around which we used as a sort of "talking stick" for taking turns getting things off our chests or admitting things or anything to each other. Is there possibly a more perfect or comfortable time to come out than that?

It is true that we were all very drunk, and I've read a lot of advice stating that coming out while under any kind of influence is a bad idea, but for me it just wasn't an issue and was a comfortable way for me to come out which I think I needed. I couldn't get over the anxiety of doing it, but obviously when you've had a few drinks, your inhibitions are subsided a bit and opening up becomes much easier. They don't call it liquid courage for nothing, right?

Anyway, we were all 10 of us in the hot tub after a long night of partying together in the mansion on a remote northwoods lake and we had just formed, as I explained, the "Men's Circle of Trust". Suddenly the idea of coming out popped into my head as I pondered things I might want to say if and when it was my turnand I knew I had to do it right then and there. Suddenly, while the guys were chatting, I pulled my best friend- who was sitting right next to me in the tub- over to me and told him that I wanted to tell him something between the two of us first. I kind of did the silly guessing game thing with him first for about 10 seconds and then I just told him that I wanted to come out of the closet! He looked completely shocked when I told him and was thrown way off guard- to the point where he didn't know what to say. I thought it was actually pretty hilarious knowing the guy, so I actually enjoyed that part. I asked him if he knew and he told me he had no idea and had only considered it a couple times. I then told him that I wanted to tell the rest of the circle of friends right now. He told me that maybe I should wait, but I told him that I wanted to tell everyone right now. (again, this was the liquor working) He said, "Alright!" and he and I together called for the football to be passed to me. I caught the "speaking football", my buddy grabbed my hand, and basically told the guys that I really consider all of them awesome friends and that I've wanted to tell them something about myself for a really long time but I had been really afraid to. Then some how I found it in me to say "I want to come out of the closet as a gay man." Those were my exact words. Everyone got the deer in the headlights look for about 2 seconds and then everyone began congratulating me, hugging me and pelting me with questions.

Want to know something else hilarious? We were all buck-arse-naked:roflmao: !

So long story short, I got a bunch of questions and the weekend went on pretty much as if nothing ever happened. Everyone was supportive and nice as I knew they would be which was great too. It was a little awkward the following morning because I couldn't believe that I had done what I had done, but the sense of relief of having it over with was wayyyy worth dealing with that awkwardness and much more worth it than putting it off for some indefinite time. It was done! For better or for worse! Where I would have the chance to do it sober? Who knows when I would get an opportunity like that? So yes, I came out under the influence of alchohol which is not ideal, but like I said it worked for me and was well worth it. Now, am I recommending it? Not exactly, but I do recommend doing it in a way that gets it done as soon as possible, and for me that was it. The rest of the weekend I would just chat with a few of the guys every now and then and answer their questions and ask them some questions as well. They would ask me things like, "How long have you known?" or, "Have you ever had relations with a dude?" or say things like, "Wow you are my first gay friend and you're normal!" "It's really changing my perception of the issue!" Those were awesome things to hear and see actively unfolding and I felt great to be able to bring that message to 10 brand new people. 10 great guys now can attest to the fact that they have a gay dude as a friend and he's normal and nice and funny like any other person would be.

So after 1 year from start to finish...

I finally came out of the closet as a 24 year old gay man in the wee hours of May 3.

In a hot tub full of naked straight dudes.

With a blow doll floating around.

Where do I go from here? Who knows! But I am honest and free and my conscience is totally clean for the first time in my life. This website has been a part of that freedom and I am thankful for it and for all of you brave people.

Cheers!

Samwise