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Came out to my son when he was 14 :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Mom Disowned, May 30, 2013.

  1. Mom Disowned

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    He seemed to take it well for a few months but it turned ugly.

    He lives 600 miles away. He will be 16 next month and he hasn't spoken to me in 7 months. We have always had a close relationship even through the distance. I'm broken.
    No one can make him speak to me. My aunt and uncle who are raising him are very religious. They have poisoned him. He is a sweet soul but has turned so nasty towards me.

    His answer is because it's "disgusting". I would have never raised him with these values. I raised him for 5 years but things happened to me that I won't go into where I sent him to people I trusted to keep him.

    I just really need help on how to deal with this. I need to at least hear his voice and would give anything to be at his 16th party.

    Thank you.
    xxxx
     
  2. Anthemic

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    I am so sorry to hear about this. What your aunt and uncle are doing is not right. They are judging you which they should know is wrong, if they are true Christians. They should know that the judging is God's job, not theirs.
    Your son is being wrongly influenced by them. But he is young, and I believe he will eventually come around. He will start to miss you and wonder how you're doing. Have you tried writing a letter to him?
     
  3. FemCasanova

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    Give him some time. I cannot imagine how it would feel, to experience having your child say something like that to you. But one can never replace a mother! Try to know that your son does love you, even if he is unable to show that right now. Maybe you could try sending him a letter/E mail? Where you let him know that despite your differences in opinion, you do love him and will always accept him for who he is and the choices he makes, and that when he wishes to speak to you again, you`ll be there with open arms. Speak/write from the heart. Maybe he doesn`t get the letter, but it`s worth a try. If you keep the line of communication open, by sending him letters and E mails, hopefully one day in the near future that kid will realize he has a mother who loves him, despite of how terrible he has been treating you!

    For someone who has no contact with her father due to his selfishness and narcissism, it`s almost unbelievable to read that someone would cut ties with a loving family member due to something as simple as sexuality. But don`t give up! Maybe he needs to move out of the poisonous environment before he`ll see sense. Maybe it takes some time. Hang on in there, and just keep reaching out to him. Call him once a month, send him letters, show him that you love him too much to just give up on him.

    Remember to take care of yourself. If possible, contacting a therapist to deal with these emotions could help. Rejection is painful, no matter whether you are the parent or the child, I know it cuts deep.

    Welcome to EC though. We`re here for you(*hug*)
     
  4. Mom Disowned

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    Thank you both.

    I have written him letters and messages. He deletes them. I have to figure out a way to get through to him but it seems so impossible right now.

    Thank you again.
    xxxx
     
  5. Chip

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    16 can be a difficult age. At that point, kids are in the process of individuating; learning to be independent and developing their own values. They are also focusing on their blossoming sexual selves. So it's possible that his "disgust" is in part because of fears that if you're gay, maybe he is too. (Which is a slight possibility; there does appear to be a genetic link... but most likely the fear is unfounded.)

    Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do, other than send him cards or letters. He may ignore them, but if you keep sending them and just give him his space, hopefully he'll realize you do care for him, and will eventually let you back into his life.

    You could also try having a frank conversation with the people raising him and just ask them directly what values they're instilling in him, and what they've told him about you and your homosexuality. Perhaps if you can't reach him, you can reach them and they, if they agree that you should be in his life, can encourage that.

    Otherwise, there isn't much else to do but wait.
     
  6. Candace

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    14 is a weird age. When I was 14, I had taken a health class in school, and we started learning about...ya know...homosexuality and stuff in that class. He's at an age where he's going to question that. At least when he becomes your age and has kids of his own, he will embrace them with loving arms if they are gay instead of tossing them aside. :slight_smile: Congrats, by the way.