I came out to myself only 2 months ago, when I fell for this gay guy I know. I thought I was going to loose contact with him for ever, and that caused a deep feeling of loss. After a miserable week of soul searching I concluded that I had feelings for him, so I went to his house and we talked for hours about this. He was wonderfully supportive, and helped me understand all this and come out to myself. I have had suspicions about myself since I was 19, but then repressed all thoughts about it for all this years, despite other signs in front of my eyes. I was terrified. But at the end it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be, I guess, because this was prompted by the possibility of love and a relationship. I can now stand in front of a mirror and say, "I am gay." It still sounds surreal, and kind of strange, but it's not that scary. The sad part of the story is that my friend says he doesn't return my feelings and that we have to be only friends for now. What scares me, actually, is not being able to get over him, and loosing him.
Well, I'm sorry that you suppressed your feelings for so long. However, it sounds like you have a great friend that will be there to support you, even if he doesn't return your feelings. My adice about losing him is this: just be yourself. It's cliche, but it's what works. (*hug*)
I'm really sorry that you repressed all of this for so long - I did so too, not for quite as long as you, but for over a decade, so I know how really horrible that can be (*hug*) I also think that you must really like this guy for your feelings for him to have overpowered your urge to repress. To have made you come out to yourself, and then to him, it's clearly really very powerful feelings you have for him - very, very powerful. I am just even the more sorry that he doesn't reciprocate. I am sure this sounds ridiculous to you, but I think that one day you will get over him. I once got over someone who I never, ever, ever, in a million years, believed I would ever get over. Unfortunately I had to do this by completely severing all contact from them, as anything else was not good enough to eradicate the feelings I had for them. I don't know how you work, or if this is necessary; if you can remain friends, then I would. But it may be that you have to, after a while, take a plunge and end that. Although that is a last resort - but I would hate for anyone to live their whole life with unrequited love. But beyond him getting back to you and saying that actually he's made a mistake and that he does like you, the only thing I can really say is that it is possible to eventually get over someone, although it can be horrible, and can require effort sometimes. A lot of effort, but possible. Sorry this isn't very useful but I hope it helps even a little (*hug*)
