So I finally came out to my mom, this was a while ago but she just doesnt wanna have any of it, she doesnt belive it at all, as I live in a different country from her I had to do it over the phone, my sister is there and said that she doesnt wanna belive it, she goes around still saying "my son there's nothing wrong with him he's not gay" I dont know what to say to get her to understant that it is the truth, however now she's talking normally to me she isnt mad, but i think is because she just doesnt belive it anymore. What can i do should I just leave it and eventually she will pick it up again or should I start the converstation again? btw I dont have the internet so it might take a while for me to check this
First of all, Congratulations on your coming out to your mom! I couldn't be more happier for you! It sounds like to me that your mom is really in denial and doesn't want to believe that you her son is gay. I think she's trying to ignore it and not believe what the real truth is. By any chance do you have a boyfriend? If you do, you could tell her about him and see what she says about it. If she wanted you to prove it to her somehow, you could send her a picture of you and your boyfriend kissing and then I think she will realize and come to terms that you are indeed gay. If you don't have a boyfriend, I would say just leave the conversation alone for now and if periods of time goes by without your mom bringing up the conversation, then if I were you, I would bring it up the conversation again. That is my advice and I hope that I have helped you! Good Luck!
I think it would be a good idea if you get your mum some resources about homosexuality, what causes it, what it means to be homosexual, support and advice for family members... Becky can probably help you there. Send these resources to your mum and ask her to read them then talk to her. This isn't going to go away, you are gay and she is going to HAVE to accept it like it or not. You could try to find out from your sister what your mum is so scared of, why she is hiding behind her denial and then you can try and work out the best way to help her come to terms with it. Good luck.
Can I ask what countries the two of you are in? I would just keep bringing up the topic with her. If you do have a boyfriend, send pictures. Not necessarily kissing. Just the two of you in different places. Let her get adjusted to the idea that you are WITH a guy. I would be happy to send PFLAG information also. Just PM me with your address.
Firstly, congratulations on coming out to her - you've done the hardest bit you've got to do, and now she's got to do the hardest bit she's got to do - believing it, and then accepting it. She's definately in some kind of denial, which you do have to try and help her out of - not forcefully, I don't think - but by mentioning the fact and/or your partner, frequently. Difficult as you live so far away - have you ever spoken to her face to face about your sexuality? Whilst I'm not suggesting you buy expensive plane tickets just for this one conversation, but it may be that your being so far away makes her denial that much easier. And that, if she were to see you, and perhaps with a partner (do you have one?), she would *have* to come out of her denial. At the moment, there is nothing confronting her directly, which contradicts what she is thinking... I've also thought it useful to think of the time that many gay people have to take to come to terms with being gay, and to allow this to parents sometimes. I was in denial for a very long time - therefore, when I come out to my parents, should they (unlikely) go into denial, I'll kind of understand it. It's a natural response to big news. But if it goes on too long it becomes a problem, which it sounds like is your case. But I would definately keep on mentioning the fact to her, at any opportunity, as being so far away it isn't a reality that she is having to face face-to-face, making denial that much easier. But good luck!!
I know it's prolly not the best idea but one of my friends was in the same situation, except he lived with his mother. She just wouldn't believe him, he tries heaps of times to sit her down and explain but she wouldn't accept it. Sooo... one morning he just umm.. screamed at her.. it was something like... *FOR %^&$'s SAKE WOMEN, I LIKE &$@#ing PENIS UP THE BUM, AND IT AINT GONNA CHANGE, GET OVER IT!' Well it worked...
^ LOL! Congrats for coming out to your mom - that takes guts! I wouldn't push it, but if you're out at gay events or clubs or parties, or if you have a bf, then I would include them in conversations with her. You might as well talk about what's going on in your life - and eventually she'll get used to it.
Well I do have a boyfriend but is only recently so I havent been able to bring the conversation up before, however I kinda dont want to use him to make my mom understand I dont want her to hate him, as I know my mom and she will belive that he is the reason why I am gay, she still belives that I have been convinced into it. As far as homosexual resources my mom found something online about this idiot psychiatrist that says that is about childhood and that it can be "cured" by going to clinics so she's sticking to that she wont budge down, my sister is trying to get her to see other things but she wont really, if it was for her I would have to go to them clinics she already half suggested it. As far as distance my mom is in italy as I'm italian and I'm living in ireland so is far but not that far, the fact that she cant read english doesnt help either cause I cant give her links or info that I find here in english my sister can translate, I'm gonna eventually gather some things together and send them over and see if my sister can go trough with them with my mom.
I really want to congratulate you in coming out to your mom. Also, because you're not about to use your bf as a tool to make your mom see that you're gay. The only thing you can do is give her time and, along with your sis, talk to her. Eventually she'll realize that you're gay and be able to live with it. Good luck. (*hug*)
Still think my idea will work Naw i agree with Psych, time, continued effort and support from your sister will get you through. Good Luck!
