A little over a year ago on April 29, 2012, I came out to my parents. It was the most terrifying time ever. I cried more than I ever thought humanly possible. My mom was the one I thought would be fine with my bisexuality. I thought my dad would not be ok with it. I was wrong. Neither of them were happy or accepting, but my dad slightly more so than my mom. I had been wanting to come out for a long time, since like December, but I just never got up the courage to do so. I had a lot of pressure to come out from friends and my at the time girlfriend. So one night I had just had a argument with my mom about getting my hair cut, when I went to my room. She came back several minutes later and was like, “you know one day we are really gonna have it out.” And I responded by saying, “over what?” She said, “do you have anything you want to tell me?” I said, “yes, [in my head I am thinking shit shit shit, don’t do it, but it was too late] I’m not straight.” Silence. Mom: “you’re gay?” Me: “no, bi.” The conversation went on a little bit, me balling my eyes out the entire time. She left, and then came back a little later with my dad saying he heard what had just happened. They blamed it on my anti-anxiety medication and I just kept saying “I wish I never said anything, I might be wrong, forget I said anything.” After we finished talking, I went to lie in bed and continued to cry and I emailed the director of LGBTQ Affairs at my university. I said that I really needed to talk to SOMEONE and asked if she was free the next day. My mom came in shortly after sending the email and said she wanted me to sleep in her room, she didn’t say why but I think she thought I was suicidal. The next day I sat in the director of LGBTQ Affair’s office and continued to ball my eyes out. As the week went on it got worse, and I was depressed. Everyone was concerned. I didn’t want to talk to anyone though, except for one person, the person I had emailed. Through talking with her I realized that I needed to clarify a few things with my parents. I wrote them a letter and had the director look it over before emailing it. Originally I wanted to give it to them in person but I held the letter for an entire week and wasn’t able to give it to them. So I emailed the letter to my parents on the day that Obama declared support for gay marriage. In fact the subject on the email was “Obama declares support for gay marriage”. I sent the email. Hours later I had to go tutor a friend from back in middle school’s son. I called my mom to check in like I always did. She didn’t answer. I called probably 20 times and she never answered. I drove home as fast as I could because I assumed the worst. I got home and my mom was in her room crying. I said, “I take it you got my email?” She said yes and that she didn’t want to talk to me right now. Shortly there after my dad got home and I told him if he hadn’t already he should check his email. He did. He said he appreciated what I had to say. About a week later things got back to somewhat normal. We kept ignoring the issue of sexuality though. But then my dad and I went to go shooting and he made a joke saying “I better have gotten an Exceeds for my internship, freaking came out!” That was the first sign of hope. My mom kept ignoring the issue and I had panic attacks all throughout the summer. I slept probably 2 hours each night during the summer. Occasionally I still have panic attacks and I don’t sleep too much. School started back up and not much had changed. I kept interning though. Things started to really change in October. My mom was reading the newspaper in the morning like she always does and when I got home from school she said she saved me an article. I went to look at it and it was about gay youth and how things get better. I said thanks and went to my room to cry tears of happiness. This kept happening. My mom would save me articles about LGBTQ issues. About a month ago my mom actually said “I think you should just tell the whole family and get it over with.” That shocked me more than anything. I finally had my mom’s support. Although things seemed to be going really well, my mom still makes comments that make me feel hopeless and like no progress has been made. I still haven’t come out to my brother or extended family. In addition things have gotten worse with friends as I recently lost 4 of my closest friends to an argument we had. The only thing I have that makes me sane, and fully accept myself, is the LGBTQ office on campus. I used to be an intern there, but I’m not anymore. But when I need some reassurance I walk up there, and just seeing the rainbow flag in the window gives me hope. I guess I just wanted to share my coming out story with you guys here on this forum because to this day, I still have terrible flashbacks to the night, and I want to give someone who is dealing with the same situation I was some hope. I grew up in a very conservative Christian house, and things could have gone a lot worse when I came out, but my parents (although it wasn’t a positive reaction) reacted fairly well comparing to how other people’s parents have reacted that I’ve known. Also, if you are a college student I HIGHLY recommend seeking out an LGBTQ group on campus, whether it is a support group or social group. They honestly saved me when I was at my lowest point. If I am ever rich some day I am going to give a TON of money to LGBTQ Affairs at my university. Present day though, I no longer identify as bisexual, so I now fight with an internal struggle of saying anything further or just letting it be. Bisexual is kind of accurate, but not entirely, but at least for now, I am somewhat content with things how they are.
Just keep it at bisexual for now, love whoever you love, and you can tell your mom, if it ever becomes important to tell her.
Things do get better ! I smile for like ten minutes at the part where you hang out with your dad Congratulation on the coming out !!! And I'm sorry to hear about your friends, maybe it was just so sudden, they might just need time to process everything, they'll come back .
Congratulations on coming out. Despite everything, you didn't loose hope. You sought out and found a place where you could be comfortable with yourself. You are a inspiration to anyone dealing with the same struggle. (&&&)
