So the last few days have been very eventful for me. I've known for a few years now that I am not straight. Thats the best way I can describe it. Or maybe I'm not ready to refer to myself as gay yet. Anyhow. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. She has known that i've been questioning myself for a few years. She was quite possibly the most supportive person I have ever known. Thing is I think I knew in the back of my head that I needed to break up with her. To get to know myself and not to hold her back from moving on with her own life. It was the most brutal conversation I have ever had and have never felt so depressed since. I miss her so much but have to use all my strength not to go back to her because it isn't fair and most likely I'd be back to square one within a week. So I packed a bag and left the flat for my parents while she figures out if she wants to stay in the flat until the lease is up in 3 months. When I got to my parents I felt like total shit and told them I had broke up with her. Also figured that while I was feeling so incredibly shit there wasn't much that could make me feel worse. So ever being the opportunist I told my parents I was bisexual. As I am still figuring myself out I intend on dating both genders. But as I already had a great girl I did not break up with her to date other women. Not to say that I wont if I do meet someone. I did it to date men as I couldn't experiment with other guys while I was with her. She said she could handle it but It's not fair to ask that of someone. So now I am back at my parents, feeling like I have stepped back in time 5 years and also like I just got punched in the stomach by clubber lang. Unable to really focus in work as I am so depressed I don't really care about the work I am doing. Or anything for that matter really. I have been on anti depressants before and they did their job but I don't need them get through this and I don't want to go near them again. Didn't really know what to do with myself. So thought the most productive thing was to vent abit. If you've lasted up to this point, thanks for reading. :icon_bigg
Well, I think that you have taken a very brave step! It strikes me that being relaxed about your sexuality has to start with you - and that requires some personal time and focus. So I hope that you can be proud of yourself for the first step in your personal adventure...
