1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Did I overreact?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by IntoTheDeep, Jun 27, 2013.

  1. IntoTheDeep

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2013
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    A couple months ago, I started coming out to some of my close friends. I have (or had I suppose) 2 close guy friends, who for this story we will call Brian and Justin. Brian and Justin are best friends. Brian is also one of my best friends and was the first person I came out to. He is bi-curious so he was super cool and supportive.

    After I told I told Brian, I decided to tell Justin as well, who I was close with, but not as close as Brian. I actually told him over text and at first he was really supportive. His exact words were, "You can trust me. I don't know what it's like but I imagine it's not easy." That night we went out for dinner and when I was dropping him off at his house, he wouldn't get out of my car, so I asked him what was up. Basically he told me that he was attracted to me and that he wanted to hook up with me... So romantic right? Anyway, at this point, I still wasn't 100% sure I was totally gay (although I was about 95% sure), so to myself, I was like "well I guess it couldn't hurt to kiss him and see if I feel anything." Not the best idea on my part, I realize that, but oh well.

    Like 5 seconds in I was just really uncomfortable and not enjoying it so I pushed him away and was like "Sorry, but I really am into girls." He seemed disappointed, but he also seemed to accept it. As I was driving back to my house, he sent me a text saying, "Goodnight. I still love you I just had to get that off my chest." So, I thought everything was good.

    Well, the next morning, I get a text from Brian saying that he needed to tell me something important. He then went on to send me a screen shot of a conversation he had with Justin, wherein Justin basically said, "F*** that, I'm gonna pull the ultimate scheme and convert her, or at least hook up with her" (in reference to me, if that wasn't clear).

    Needless to say, I was hurt and angry. I'm typically not a confrontational person at all, but in this case I felt like I had to stick up for myself. The following Monday at lunch, I went up to Justin and just told him that what he said was offensive and hurtful, that I trusted him with something really personal and he betrayed that trust, and some other things I can't remember. Then I just walked away and he didn't say anything.

    THEN, about a week later I found out that after I dropped him off at his house, that same night, he went to meet another girl whom he proceeded to basically profess his love for.

    On top of all this, he did not even make an attempt to apologize to me for almost 2 weeks. Once he finally did apologize to me, it felt half-assed and insincere. I listed off all the stuff he did that made me angry and proceeded to tell him that I didn't think I would ever be able to trust him again. The conversation ended with him asking for a hug and me saying no and walking away. We haven't talked since, but what makes the whole situation worse is that he is in my friend group, which makes hanging out with them while we're both there rather uncomfortable, even though I try my hardest not to make it awkward.

    My question is did I overreact? There's no way I will ever trust him again, but should I at least make an attempt to talk to him to make things less uncomfortable? Or should I stick to my guns to prove a point?
     
  2. Shadowsettler

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2013
    Messages:
    371
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    Western Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    He's a horn-dog, nothing more, and he might have been joking about conversion-thing, or maybe he's just egotistical. I wouldn't say you over-reacted, if he's really poking around just to get a quick roll in the sack.

    If you want to address him, just say "You know, we can still remain friends". See what he says. What's the harm? He almost sounds like my old friend, Derek. If you were female and he liked you, and you didn't sleep with him he would be a total dick. It's not unlikely. :\
     
  3. LD579

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2013
    Messages:
    236
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Canada
    I think you're completely justified. It may be a bit... odd, as Brian and Justin are best friends, but the way he acted wasn't right or kind or fair to you. If nothing else, don't doubt that. As for what to do in this situation... That's a good question. You could always try to amend things, but I'm sure there'd be some distance between you and Justin always. It's up to you. Whatever you do would not be unwarranted.
     
  4. Holly

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    As the above poster said, your reaction was completely justified

    Clearly his views of 'converting you' shows a general misunderstanding and perhaps naivity about sexuality... Hopefully one day someone will teach him about how 'conversion' is so stupidly homophobic that he needs to get his head together.

    Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself. From what you've said, it seems like either the other girl was proof he just wanted to 'get in your pants' (apologies if this is in any way offensive) or that he may be insecure, and feels the need to try get a girlfriend constantly. Or the girl was just a rebound...

    Regardless of which of those his reasoning was, it still puts him in a very negative light in my mind. You said his apology was half hearted, and I think that proves that he doesn't value your friendship massively.
     
  5. Batman is swag

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2013
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A mostly decimated closet
    Wow. No. You most definitely did NOT overreact!!!!! What Holly said, basically. And seriously, no offense if you are still friends, but that was a really stupid and hurtful thing to do. Stay stronger than him. =\
     
  6. IntoTheDeep

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2013
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks y'all. That's all I really needed to hear :slight_smile: