Asexuality

1) not personally, but I met one on another forum
2) not me...
3) I'm all for it.

Sometimes, I find myself wishing I was asexual. Not because I want to escape the stigma associated with being gay, given the choice of sexuality, I would almost definitely pick asexual. Sexual attraction wastes a lot of time and thought that could be devoted to other things, I understand how strange this may sound, but I feel I would be able to accomplish so much more with my life if I was devoid of sexual attraction. To me, it feels a little primitive how much we think and how much time is wasted over sex.

 

Just chiming in to say it's kinda bugged me for a while that asexuality isn't ever included when people talk about LGBT (LGBAT?!) issues. Sure asexuals probably don't really gross anyone out, and it's tougher to call it deviant behavior, but it's something that most people probably don't understood, and that people could still be mocked and ridiculed for. An asexual person could feel as alienated from conversations about sex as I am making it tough to relate to others. And yeah I'm guessing most people dismiss it as some sort of childhood trauma making asexuals fear sexual intimacy.

Maybe I should google for an asexuality forum so I can get an understanding of what it's like :dry:

 

im considering the asexual facor in myself. i was never trumatized in my childhood, i just don't want sex with guys and i don't want sex with girls. i believe that a relationship isn't about sex, its about how two people love eachother and friendship is love too.

 

I suppose that my husband could be defined as asexual, even if he does not label himself this way.

When we met, nearly 9 years ago, he was 20, and was still virgin even thought he already had girlfriends. We have been sexualy active during a little while (around two years), but at that time we didn't lived together and not see each over very often. I'd say it bringed us to make love rarely more than 3 times a week, the good weeks.

Then, step by step is sexual appetit stoped. I mean, we make love less and less, and finaly we stoped. We are together for 9 years this year, hadn't had sex since 2005, and only 3 times between 2003 and 2005.

I love my husband, but it is hard sometimes to live near someone who doesn't express any kind of desire for you even thought he tells me around 10 times a day that I am beautiful and that he loves me.

It is even more difficult, because I can hardly talk about it to anyone. First because it is very private, and second because the people I ever tried to talk about it ended saying that he doesn't love me (which is extremely painful to hear even thought I know it is not true), or saying that we need to do something about it because we can't stay this way. Why not as long as it suits us ?

To be honest, I sometime regret not having sex, because I used to enjoy it and I still have desire (fortunatly, not as often as I used to), and I worry about how we could ever have a baby even if my husband tells me that we will have a baby the usual way when the time will be right for us. But I am definitly not picturing myself having sex with anyone else but my husband. So the best way for me to reach a kind of balance is masturbation when I am alone and a lot of cuddling with my husband, and so far, I am ok that way.

Thank you for giving me the occasion to talk about it. Fell free to comment or ask questions if you want to.

Take care, Eleanor

 

Asexuality has always intrigued me. It's probably a much more difficult issue to deal with than what it seems. It makes you to think how important is sex in human relationships. I don't think I would stand being with someone that doesn't want to have sex whatsoever, not because I think that relationships are based solely on sex, but I find it only natural to show your love physically. You're making a huge effort, Eleanor, I admire you for that.

 

I woudn't say that my husband doesn't show me his love in a physical way, I would say that he does not show me his love in a sexual way. Because my husband is touching me all the time. We kiss and hold each other more than many couples, and I think he needs that physical contact with me even more than I do. He always said that this tenderness was the most important thing for him, even when we still had sex.
But I completly understand that my situation would not suits to averybody. I struggled a lot to accept it.
Take care, Eleanor

 

It's weird but... I've never given a great deal of thought to this. I actually feel enlightened after reading this topic! Okay, from now on it's LGBAT!!!

 

seeing as we're changing it, can it be GABLT? because I always wanted it to end BLT, like the sandwich.

 

Thanks for starting this topic, I have wondered before if there are any asexuals on EC

 

Yeh I'm starting to think that way aswell! Having never experienced a sexual relationship I can't really say if I would enjoy it or not. But I have been so in love with someone that I was happy with the relationship we had because those feelings where so amazing!

I don't really see sex as some major part of a relationship! Tis a rather unusual practice to me...

 

Firstly, thankyou. We don’t here much about ace over here. On a site like this (not saying that EC isn’t accepting and welcoming to everyone, because they are) but a lot of the chatter around here is sex based. ‘who do you think is hot’ etc. People understand they are gay because they are attracted, and want to have sex with the same sex… Asexual’s often are more confused, because were not attracted to anyone…

Anyone wanting to know more, check out this site: http://www.asexuality.org/home/
It’s an online asexuality forum, even bigger than EC is.

1) I know a lot, never met any (but I’m going to a meet up on Saturday)
2) Well, me.. I know there is someone who has antisexual as their status, but I haven’t talked to them (note to self to talk to them)
3) I don’t think I really need to answer this one… ^^ should say it all


A lot of people when I come out to them, say that I just haven’t found the right person, when I’m older I will understand. Well I’m 19, I’ve had sex with a guy, and had sex with a girl. And its just… nothing.. I sat there going.. what is the big fuss, its nothing…

I classify myself as a homo-romantic asexual. (meaning, gay- and I get crushes, but no sex) some asexual’s don’t date at all, don’t get crushes, or anything…

Even a lot of people in the LGBT community don’t understand Ace, my ex girlfriend broke up with me when I came out to her (I didn’t think she would mind when we started dating) but when I told her, she thought it meant that I didn’t want to be with her… even 2 months after we broke up, (shes still my best friend) valentines day, she made a romantic dinner, and was expecting sex… but doesn’t understand that its not that I wasn’t ready, or that I don’t like her.. I just, don’t want it..

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask… anything.

 

It is really hard to understand for someone who doesn't feel that way. I was completly confused when my husband stoped having sex with me. First because it was (and still is sometimes) very frustrating for me and also because I struggled a lot to understand that it has nothing to do with me. I remember I tried everything to have sex with him : I bought lingery, sex toys, porn, anything I could think about. And I remember I felt extremely angry about him, thinking he didn't love me anymore.
I took me a long time to accept that it was not my fault and it didn't ment his feelings for me had changed. And even if I'm accepting that my husband probably won't have sex with me anymore, it is still painful sometimes.

 

1) Do any of you know an asexual? Nope, but i do think of some people as being asexual cause i can't picture them having sexual relations.
2) Are there any asexuals on this site? I'm sure there are, i've just never encountered one.
3) What are your thoughts on asexuality? Um? whatever? if you are asexual thats cool, i don't know everything it entails. I never really knew there was so much discrimination against them. *shrugs* i hope life gets easier for them?

 

1) yes I do
2) yeah, I don't know exactly who they are, but I've seen it filled into the "orientation" box before
3) Same as my thoughts on homosexuality and bisexuality and heterosexuality and transsexuality and all the rest: it's none of my business. Only you know completely what you feel, and I have to right to tell you what that is or degrade you for it.

 

i'm asexual. i'm out as gay though because when i came out i thought if i wasn't straight, i had to be gay right?! but then i realised i'm not interested in sex at all. i was also influenced by the fact that i'm slightly genderqueer. i think the biggest problem with respect to asexuality is the lack of visibility. people just don't know it exists generally.