British man becomes ungay due to an epiphany

How long have I been telling all of you that haircuts are evil?

 

:icon_bigg <3 :roflmao:

 

Finally, we have the definitive test of homosexuality! So if anyone on this forum is questioning their sexuality, all you have to do is answer these questions;

1. Do you like football or fighting?

2. Is your Victoria sponge beautifully light or monstrously heavy?

3. How do you shamble?

4. Do you burp and fart?

5. Do you really get Barbara Streisand?

That's all there is too it!

Seriously... where's a facepalm when you need it?

 

Great logic. Guy realizes that desires change over one's lifetime... and still puts it into absolutes, getting everything about the situation wrong in the process. Nice.

You're either gay, straight or lying indeed.

 

Dear Whatever-Your-Name-Is,

I can't say I love fighting, but I love football. And not that hotsy-totsy, don't-touch-the-ball-with-your-hands-or-you'll-ruin-your-pedicure version, but the American punishing-bodies version. I can think of two or three Barbra Streisand songs I like, and I'm so out of it, I was thinking "Victoria sponge" was a derogatory term for Mrs Beckham. I burp and fart like a trucker, and I "shamble" in such a masculine way that people are far more likely to call it "lumbering" than "shambling".

But me likey the dickey. So I'm gay.

Lex

 

Yes, restraining myself from "bursting into song" at the mere sight of an attractive man with family values is the definition of heterosexuality.

As the man's son held those "firm, workman like fists" I knew at that moment I was straight. My mind immediately wondered to the the thought of that fine man ravishing his wife. That strong back carrying her to the bed and making her every bit of the woman she always wanted to be!!!

HEAR THAT? WIFE!!! WOMAN!!! = STRAIGHT!!!

tooooooold yaaaa

 

This line is epic.

I read the first few paragraphs. As far as I can tell, he's an idiot who thinks his sexuality is to do with procreation. Hell, I want to procreate. I know how much of a miracle kids can be.
However, creating a kid and giving it a happy life. Does that compare to taking a kid having an unhappy life with no parental figures, having to take responsibility for himself when he's still tiny... and giving him the life he should've had to start with?

The worlds orphanages are full. All the more so now there's a ton of kids made orphans in Haiti. Besides, why would the moment be any different whether it's you who created the child? It's not genetics or whatever that make a child yours. It's how much it loves you, and when you've taken a child from a cold and lonely environment where their childhood doesn't really exist, surely they'll love you all the more?

 

He had a 2 page spread in the Sunday Times. I read it and I wanted to throw up. He's such an idiot, all his reasons for not wanting to be gay are incredibly stereotypical. He 'wants to settle down and have a family'. Since fucking when does being gay stop that?!

 

I just turned hetero too!!! I was admiring the fabulous Anderson Cooper on TV and during his broadcast, while wearing the adorable green t-shirt and incredible jeans that hug in all the right places, he mentioned children. I have an urge to one day have children too (especially if Anderson Cooper is involved)! That means I'm straight! Praise Jesus!!!

 

HERE!

 

And this isn't the statement of a gay man? Really? "The father's huge, workman-like fist." or "A handsome young dad". How is the man saying he's straight, it's a laugh riot

 

I burp and fart all the time (if you dont, your gastro-intestinal tract is probably out of whack, farting and burping is perfectly natural, and costs less than cable!!!)

does that mean I am no gay?

 

... gay men and lesbians have children all the time. It sounds like he wasn't happy with his attraction to men and so he either decided to become a celibate gay man or he's bisexual and wants to date ladies now.

This guy's never heard of Kinsey it seems...

*face palm with the others*

 

Uh-oh. I burp and fart too. Does that mean I'm straight?! OH NNOOOOO!!! :tears: :icon_sad:

Okay seriously, this guy is a dumbass. I don't like Barbara Streisand, and I burp and fart, and hello I'm still gay! And seriously, him describing that man in perfect detail, wanting to burst into song, and his "dashing new haircut" all sound SO "straight" to me. :eusa_doh: Seriously, who the hell is that stupid?! I see men with their sons all the time, yet I have no desire to be straight whatsoever. Besides, if he wants a kid, there is adoption. Although some people really shouldn't have kids. :bang:

 

Do you still like guys? Because, if yes, then I'm pretty sure you're gay :lol:

 

I assume you're talking about Football (its not called soccer ) well thats just not a nice way to talk about what is clearly the best sport in the world now is it.

 

I...I am still attracted to guys... BUT.... BUT I FART!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOGAWD! MY WHOLE WORLD IS IN DISARRAY!!!

(end sarcasem :lol

 

Ignignokt from Aqua Teen Hunger Force said it best "Your logic is flawless."