1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Do stereotypes make it harder to come out?

Discussion in 'Current Events, World News, & LGBT News' started by Sidd, Aug 5, 2011.

  1. Sidd

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I've only joined this group recently so if this topic has been to death already in this forum excuse me. For me this is a big issue - especially in terms of coming out or staying in the closet. I hate the term "straight acting", it's more accurate to say normal behaving, but that's also misleading (what's normal, anyway?) - maybe you can say someone who normally wouldn't be thought of as gay and let it go at that - anyways, I happen to fall into that category.

    When I see the stereotypes perpetuated about gay males by the media - and a lot of the gays I've met seem more than happy to perpetuate the stereotype - it makes it harder for me to be open about myself, because when I see those steretypes I think, that's not who I am. If I come out does it mean I'm going to have that image forced on me because we still live in a basically homophobic society?

    Also, I have nothing against effeminate guys, as a matter of fact, as people I ususally like them more than "normal" types - they're funnier and more imaginative - it's just that on a sexual level they're a bit of a turn-off. And I don't think I have to apologize for feeling that way since if we can just decide what type we're attracted to, we might as well go all the way and decide to be attracted to the opposite sex.

    So because of these stereotypes and the tendency of gay guys to more than live up to them, i'm thinking that if a guy is gay that means he's someone whom I won't find attractive, even though I know that it's just a stereotype. The fact is is that the ones who are the loudest are the ones who live up to the stereotype, and it makes it that much harder to find someone who isn't.
     
  2. KaotikPrincess

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2011
    Messages:
    134
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa
    What you are going through is completely normal. We all have a type that turns us on and off, some people just love someone strictly for personality and don't care about looks. I, Myself, am a bi female, Im not considered butch but not fem either, I am a tom boy but I dress up girly on occasion too. But when it comes to girls I am only sexually attracted to those who are girly girls, the butch one's turn me off, I mean if I wanna date a guy I will date a guy, not a girl who looks like a guy, what's the point of that!? That is just my opinion though, I have seen a lot of attractive fem/butch couples, it's just not for me.

    So don't worry about the stereotyping society gives gay guys. If fem guys don't turn you on it's just not your thing and there is nothing wrong with that. You may have more trouble finding a masculine gay guy though unless they are open to everyone. I always have difficulty telling whether a "straight looking" or "straight acting" guy is gay or not just by looking at them, but I can usually tell after I talk to one. :grin:
     
  3. XXReye

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2011
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    I'd see it as your chance to break stereotypes. There might be people who will try to project the stereotype on you, but that's their problem. Just be you, and everyone else can just deal with their pre-conceived notions. You don't have to fit into any stereotype if you don't want to. It is all about being yourself.

    I like to think that those people who "perpetuate the stereotype" are also just being themselves. I'm sure there are some who feel they have to act that way (just as there are also gays who feel they have to "act straight"). But I think the majority of people are just expressing who they are.
    It's all about accepting yourself as you are :slight_smile: Being gay just means you like the same sex, it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.
     
  4. haelmarie

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2009
    Messages:
    703
    Likes Received:
    0
    No, they do not.

    If it really bothers you that people will judge you for it, you need to rethink your priorities.
     
  5. ezkill

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2011
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Sidd, and welcome to the forum. I would like to preface my reply to your post with this link to another thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/49533-im-obviously-gay-simply-cannot-accept.html

    I used to think other gay people were "more than happy" to embrace the gay stereotype that the media presented, but after reading the post (at the link above), I felt very differently about the whole situation. As one poster already pointed out in your thread, some of the people perpetuating the gay stereotype are just being themselves. The person who started the thread in the link above knows he perpetuates the stereotype, but he admits he can't help it and he is even down on himself about it. I think we should all embrace our differences and unique qualities. Cookie cutter people are boring. I totally understand your perspective on the stereotype. Yes, for me too, it is unattractive, but only on an intimate level. I don't mind being friends with anyone.

    Also, you don't have to apologize for not being attracted to those who embrace the stereotype as who they are. Just remember though, being gay is a very small part of who a person is. Many gay people tend to forget that there is much more to their personality and existence than being a homosexual (or bisexual, or whatever part of the spectrum you identify with). Therefore, if and when you decide to come out, you don't HAVE to act a certain way. Just be yourself. If people ask, then kindly explain to them what I have just told you: that being gay is a very small part of who you are. The worst thing you can do after hiding your sexuality is still pretending to be something you aren't -- just be yourself!

    Lastly, yes, it is very hard to find other gay people when they aren't acting out the typical stereotype. I have been having some trouble myself finding other gay people in places that aren't gay bars, gay nightclubs, or online dating websites. Once in a blue moon (and even that is an understatement), I find someone who isn't flamboyant, but who I know deep down is gay. When you are happy with who you are and you are confident, other people will see that and they will be attracted to your personality.

    Good luck :icon_bigg
     
  6. Daryn

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2011
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Why are there eggs scrambling in the street?
    I understand that people are attracted to different things, but it really, really bothers me when people put all butch girls into that category. So because I'm attracted to butch girls, I might as well date a guy? Trust me, no. Absolutely not. Its your personal opinion, but its still a generalization that offends a lot of women.
     
  7. Fiddledeedee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    955
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    When I came out, I was nervous that everyone would suddenly expect me to act really butch, possibly saying that I am not bi if I keep acting straight (I don't fit the stereotype at all). A couple people have said that, and more commonly I have been told that I will end up "lesbo", but it hasn't made it harder since coming out. The hardest thing in telling people is getting over anxiety, whatever is causing it.
     
  8. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I do think that stereotypes sometimes makes it hard to be yourself, but that's part of growing up and going through the process of finding your own identity. It sometimes also gets complicated when people don't want to fit a certain stereotype so they do everything to avoid being that stereotype even though they might want to do certain things. And this happens with ALL stereotypes out there.

    And that's true for every stereotype out there. No one ever seems to fit a single stereotype completely. Examples of that can be the jock that people assume is dumb, the pretty girl that is beyond help, the nerd guy that is socially inept, the american who is fat, the religious nut job, and the list just goes on and on.

    The point is that, yes, some people will expect you to follow the stereotype, but you don't have to explain yourself to those people if you don't want to. Just be who you are. As you grow more comfortable with yourself you will be able to not care as much about it, but it takes time.

    The other thing is, like many people already said, some people are just being themselves when they "perpetuate" a certain stereotype. We have to remember that most stereotypes are based on some truth and some people just fit that, but it doesn't mean they are being fake or something along those lines.