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Homosexuality a "Choice"?

Discussion in 'Current Events, World News, & LGBT News' started by NickD, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. NickD

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    So I had an interesting conversation with my mom the other day and now it has me thinking... She believes that for some people, homosexuality is a choice, and I didn't entirely know how to respond to that. I told her about the Kinsey Scale and the fluidity of human sexuality. I even told her how certain animals (who don't have the ability to make complex conscious decisions such as this) exhibit homosexual behavior. So she conceded that some people don't have a choice (I think to appease me) and how others choose to be with the same gender.

    Of course I can't speak for everyone (that's why I'm posting here to get a discussion going), but to an extent, she may be right. But the people that are able to "choose" one way or another I think are probably closer to the middle of the Kinsey Scale and are attracted equally to both sexes and "choose" which way to go based on the person they have met and want to date.

    But I still don't believe it's as cut and dried as that. Can anyone really choose who they are attracted to? I think it's more reactionary than that. We encounter different people who we consider spending the rest of our lives with, and I think the gender of those people reveals the sexuality we are born with.

    But, so as I don't speak for all of us, are there any out there who "chose" one way or another? Any other thoughts on this issue?
     
  2. Dummy

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    I'm sick of people calling homosexuality (or any other sexuality) "a choice" or "an alternative lifestyle". I mean come on grow up. Just because you don't understand it or because you deny it's existance that doesn't make it a non existing situation. I don't believe that we can choose to whom we are attracted to. The only choice I see here is wheather we're going to act on it or not.
    No offence.
     
  3. rg93

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    If I'm not mistaken, the middle of the Kinsey Scale is where all our bi-sexual friends live. :slight_smile: But bi-sexual doesn't really count as homosexual, does it? Because homosexual basically means that you are only attracted to the same sex, no exceptions.

    And to answer the question, I suppose that, as a bisexual person, one could imagine being with either gender. Obviously their dating pool extends to other bisexuals and homosexuals of the same gender, but no, they don't really choose to be attracted to the same gender, just the same as gays, lesbians and yes, even straight people can't choose which gender they feel attracted to.

    So your mom is kind of right. I think bi-sexual people can choose weather they want to date this girl or that guy (on an individual scale), just the same as for example your mom (back in the day, ofc :grin:) would have chosen to date either this or that guy, or a straight dude would choose to either date this or that girl. But no, nobody can change their feelings towards an entire gender. That part isn't really a choice because you can still crush on anyone.
     
  4. Fiddledeedee

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    I don't think you can choose who you are attracted to, be that men, women, both, neither, or other. You can choose whether to act on that attraction, so I could choose to only ever act on my attraction to guys and ignore my attraction to girls. This would not, however, make me straight; it would just make me seem straight to others who did not know that I was still attracted to girls as well.
     
  5. Pinstripe

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    Basically echoing what fiddledeedee is saying- behavior is a choice, attraction is not. As a bisexual person, I could choose to date men exclusively or women exclusively, but that doesn't make me straight or a lesbian. And anyone can choose to be celibate, but that doesn't mean they become asexual.
     
  6. Mango

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    Sexual orientation is a condition. It's not a choice. However, I do believe it can change or become slightly altered with time.

    For example: A young bi-sexual male can eventually become more attracted to males, and in time, can eventually become a middle-aged homosexual, exclusively.

    He might also become more attracted to females and in time, become exclusively heterosexual.
     
    #6 Mango, Aug 25, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2012
  7. Mackattack

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    ^^^ I couldn't have said this better! I agree with all of this. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Pret Allez

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    Chooses to be queer.


    Playing life on hard mode.
     
  9. rg93

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    Like a real Gaymer! :grin:
     
  10. Browncoat

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    Uh huh, it's called bisexuality. Though it still isn't a choice who you're attracted to, just on whether one wishes to overtly act on it (and even if I'm not a Kinsey 3 bisexual one can note from the hell it was trying to hide my non-heterosexuality that choosing to completely ignore same-sex attraction is no easy task, regardless of additional opposite-sex attraction). Those in the Kinsey 4.5-6 range generally stick to one sex/gender and have no choice in the matter beyond celibacy.

    Do let her know those distinctions.
     
    #10 Browncoat, Aug 25, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2012
  11. J Snow

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    This.
     
  12. julia

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    Yeah, I'm sure those kids who killed themselves because they were too scared to come out or were bullied so much because they were gay CHOSE to be gay. I think it's very, very ignorant to think this.
     
  13. Revan

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    I, as some have said I think, believe you can choose who you want to be with but not who you're attracted to.
     
  14. SohoDreamer

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    I know for sure I didn't choose to be attracted to all genders. I just.. am.
     
  15. Pseudojim

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    love it
     
  16. Rygirl

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    From my point of view, you can choose who you want to be with, you choose them because they are funny, or because you have similar hobbies and passions, or because you have a deep understanding of each other, or because you feel safe and secure with them. Gender doesn't come into it. But that might just be me being Pansexual.
     
  17. bdman

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    homosexuality is a sexual orientation not a behavior. Nobody chooses their sexual orientation. It is not a trinary system either (hetero, bi, homo). Which ever you feel closest to, you can snap yourself into that label if you want to. Nobody has to assign a label to themselves.

    Behavior is always a choice. We can choose who we develop relationships with whether or not we are in love. We can choose to be celibate if we want. We can choose to develop relations with the gender we are not attracted to (emotionally, physically, romantically or otherwise) just to fit in. We can choose to be with whomever makes us happy, but whatever our behavior may be, it does not affect our sexual orientation.
     
  18. mnguy

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    Hey NickD, I agree with your explanation to your mom and think it's great you can have an open conversation with her. I'm curious to know what makes her think that some people choose to be gay. Does she realize how difficult being gay can be? Maybe ask her to recall when she decided to be straight. At what point did she decide to feel attraction to men?
     
  19. Allis

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    I agree, in life I think we all try to find happiness, we choose to act on our feelings or to hide them to be happier, but the fact still remains that the feelings are present. I think the real question should be, what defines our sexuality? Our thoughts and feelings of attraction, or our actual choices of relationship partners and our atctions? Am I a lesbian because I am attracted to girls or am I straight because I date boys, even though there is no attraction? Ughh this thing about sexuality is really confusing, why do we feel the need to define ourselves? the big problem is that love isnt practical enough for it to be defined. Like Shane said just go with the flow...
     
  20. Pret Allez

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    It might help to separate romantic and sexual orientations. (I don't think it helps me, but maybe it's because my theoretical understanding is less complete than other folks on this board.)

    For what it's worth, I think sexuality is the sum of our desires and experiences about how we want to stimulate our bodies. Those who haven't had sex yet still have a sexuality if they have desires, and often our desires are influenced by our experiences.