Some people actually think Asexuality is a choice.

One of my really good friends is asexual. We talk a lot about the subject because she's extremely informed on it, and she helped me discover my demisexuality, too.

She said that she can find people extremely attractive, like, "They're extremely nice to my eyes, but I don't want to have sex with them or anything." She says that whenever she gets asked out, she feels terrible about having to explain her sexuality and some guys have called her a prude for it. Or that there's something mentally wrong for her, to not desire sex. Which is unbelievable, the things that people say.

But I definitely agree - and I'm glad that it's getting a lot more recognition as being an actual sexuality rather than having people place it as an excuse, or a choice, rather. Same as with those who think homosexuality is a choice, too. It's ridiculous how other people try to determine other people's sexuality/feelings like they know them as well as they know themselves.

I like the quote though, I might share it later on to her and some other people in the future!

 

Becoming celibate is a choice. Someone could easily mistake themselves or someone else of being one of two if they weren't entirely sure of the difference. Although people who are asexual would be more often than not heterosexual,homosexual or bisexual but the thing that makes them asexual is because due to having no interest they therefore have no desire to have sexual contact with another person.

 

Yea, I actually have no desire whatsoever to have sex with anyone. It's just not my thing, ya know? I'd have sex only to have children, which I absolutely want to do. I don't have to enjoy the sex, and I'm almost certain that I won't enjoy it. Btw, I'm Anthemic's sister.

 

this is half wrong.

asexuality comes in two flavors: people who are not interested in sex without choosing to be that way, and people who have no interest in sex by choice, which often is rooted in prior bad relationships, or just not giving much importance to sex.

you cant compare either to heterosexuality and homosexuality, and have it is a fully valid comparrison because heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bi-pansexuality are rooted in attraction. asexuality is not rooted in attraction.

 

If it were a choice I'd definitely chosen something else than being asexual. The lack of sexual attraction I experience towards anyone is definitely rooted.

Gay, straight and bi are, strictly speaking, all based on experiencing sexual attraction. This would make it impossible for me to tick a box, cause if you look at the "true meaning" of the word gay, I would not be one. Yet I do identify as gay, because I want to date guys, want to get to know them, have a long-term relationship with them. I just don't feel any sexual attraction. I want to cuddle, kiss, be intimate like that, but I wish I wanted to have steamy sex too. It would make things so much easier.

I feel like you're confusing asexuality with (involuntary) celibacy. At some point in their lives the people you describe here did have a sexual attraction to others, most of them probably still experience sexual attraction, but choose not to act on it. There can be a lot of reasons for this, prior relationships being just one of them.

You don't "turn asexual" one day, like any straight person can't suddenly "turn gay".
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A great source on everything about asexuality is the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, they have everything and more you want to know about the subject: Overview | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org. I recommend everyone taking a look at this, it's an interesting read. And an interesting website overall.

 

Actually, no. That's called celibacy.

"Asexuality describes someone’s sexual orientation, that is, that they do not experience sexual attraction to anyone. Celibacy describes someone’s behavior, that is, that they do not have sex with anyone. Orientation is not behavior, attraction is not action. Celibacy and asexuality are neither mutually exclusive nor mutually linked. It is possible for an asexual person to not have sex and be celibate, and it’s also possible for an asexual to have sex and not be celibate."

You're basically saying that asexual people choose to be asexual. That's like saying a homosexual chooses to be homosexual. Sure, a person can have sex with the same gender, but does that make them homosexual? I don't think it does unless the feelings are there.

Read this. It's quite interesting.
http://www.asexualityarchive.com/asexuality-misconceptions-and-mistakes/

 

Asexuality comes in many many many forms, and like being gay or lesbian, no, it is not a choice. I'm actually shocked at the people who are defending this only linking one version of asexuality. There's also asexual people who actively participate in sex, some who actually enjoy it, some who masturbate, some who don't, etc. Asexuality isn't as simple as "I don't have interest in sex." For some people it is, for others, it can be much, much more complicated.

I for one considered myself asexual for a few years (I still do pretty much, but I also identify as gay). Now it's different, and extremely hard to explain. If someone asks, I have always just said gay, and now I still say the same. But it's more complicated than that. I wish I could explain, but I can't. There are days where the idea of sex is just unappealing to me. Then there are days that is is appealing. But overall, I find it easier just to say gay because it's less complicated to explain. If someone were to ask me out, I'd tell them, just because I don't want them to get their hopes up, etc.

Hell, I've had people tell me "Oh, you just don't have interest in sex because you've never had it!" or "You don't have interest because you have no self esteem because you see yourself as obese and unappealing to anyone." Uh, no. I have no interest in sex because... I have no interest in sex. Then there are days I do, they're rare, but they do exist.

And honestly, I'm appalled that people on here have the nerve to say that it is a choice. (I won't say who, as I don't like calling people out by name, but you can see who in this thread). EC is meant or helping people have a safe place to chat about things like their sexuality.

What if someone came in saying being gay is a choice? You'd be pissed off, right? How do you think we feel? There are people who identify as asexual on this site, so please remember not to imply anything about our sexuality that you would not want implied about your own.

Now, before someone goes off on me, I'm well aware the people were just confusing celibacy for asexuality. Just saying this for future reference for people.

 

Celibacy=Choice
Asexuality=Not a choice

I've noticed this as well, never understood what is so hard to get.

 

Of course its not a choice, it sucks. Why would anyone choose that.

 

To be honest.. why would anyone choose asexuality? First of all, you can't choose it. It's a sexuality (well lack there of--but you know what I mean). The bullshit my friend goes through between having guys say that there's something 'tweaked' about her, or the fact that her mother is a flaming bigot and assumes that she's a lesbian for it, she wouldn't wish the pain on anyone else.

People seem to get asexuality confused with celibacy, yes. Celibacy is a choice. It's a choice to not have sex. Asexuality on the other hand is not a choice, it would be like implying that we all choose to be gay, or bisexual, what have you.

I lack that sexual attraction until I have that said 'emotional connection' with someone. I'm not sexually attracted to my girlfriend, or anyone for that matter. Yes, they can be hot, I can find them attractive, but I don't want to get into bed with them. It's like admiring a beautiful piece of art, such as a statue in a museum... you can look at it and enjoy it, but you don't want to sleep with it, you can't, anyway. I'm technically demisexual which is a form of grey-a asexuality, I actually think grey-a translates to demisexuality in most cases.

Asexuality = No sexual attraction to anyone regardless
Grey-A = Experience sexual attraction but it's generally a low drive (usually not enough to act on it), or sometimes desire sex but only under extremely limited/specific circumstances
Demisexuality = No sexual attraction/desire for sex until establishing an emotional bond with whomever

 

Those people who think asexuality is a choice should also assume their own sexuality is a choice, and prove it by going without any sort of stimulation or release for six months.

 

I'll let the powers of the Wiki explain:

 

Yes, I believe that is the "term" people use for people with my situation, lol. It's considered in the spectrum of asexuality, but it's the "grey area" between asexuality and sexuality (but it falls to the asexuality spectrum because the lack of attraction still exists at least most of the time). There's other terms to describe it, but they're shared by other forms of sexual attraction/etc. so it's not really reliable to use them. Though, at the same time, there's also Gray-Asexuality and Gray-Aromanticism or something like that, so *shrug*.

Like I said, it's easier just to say gay and explain the rest if it gets to the point it needs to be. Mainly because if I were to just say asexual, it gets very confusing and awkward when talking to the person. Lol.

I mean really, if you didn't know the term and someone told you they were Gay Gray-A or hell, even Asexual. What would you say? I just don't have the social skills to explain it to people. In reality, I may even be demisexual, as the couple times I have had the "desire," it was with people I had developed an emotional crush on. I've never "connected" with someone though, so *shrug*.

I could have swore there was a site that explained all the different "terms" in sexuality and asexuality, but I cannot seem to find it. :S

 

Sorry if this is offensive to anyone, but I have to ask for my own benefit.
How do attractive people deal with asexuality, not wanting sex in general? How do you get over seeing people have so much fun with each other, realizing that so many people want to have fun with you, and being FORCED to except that you will never feel those things which drive the entire human race. Sexual energy drives almost everything, its in you face more than heterosexality is!

 

weird, because the people I know who you label celibate label themselves asexual. Are they wrong?

You are splitting a label up from its traditional definition, and telling the half you dont agree with that they cant use the label.

ALSO; please actually rad what I said. I never said that all asexual people make a choice to be that way. However, the traditional definition of asexual has always included people who choose to live asexually, and interestingly enough, if you actually take the time to understand it, choosing to live asexually doesnt make you celibate; it means you do not seek or put weight on sexuality involving others.

 

I don't think the two groups should be labelled the same. One chooses, the other doesn't! If a guy chooses to have sex with only women but has sexual feelings for men, is he straight? People would have said he was straight 50 years ago.

 

The only choice involved, is if you choose to engage in sex or not.

I compromised my sexuality just to keep my partners happy at the time. It was too uncomfortable, it caused awful problems within the relationships. I had to stop compromising, personally.

It varies for each individual in my opinion. :3