LGBT News Rant about gender roles

I'll avoid ranting in your thread and just say I agree that the roles are annoying and the subversions of them are quite nice. Take charge women are very nice to be around.

 

If a male bodied person wears a dress, the assumption is "that person is a crossdresser, 'he' wants to be female". If a female bodied person crossdresses, the assumption is "that is one butch lesbian". :eusa_doh:

I guess in some ways it's a blessing. It makes me sick that trans women are used as the butt of jokes or treated cruelly. But I didn't even know ftm existed.
This is just something I've been thinking about lately. I don't want to come off as insensitive to the struggles of trans women- I'm only frustrated with our society trying so hard to erase anything that isn't the stereotypical norm.

 

I'm going to go into a massive...dare I say, explosive rant about something that has been annoying the hell out of me since coming out as a Transsexual M2F. I can't stand therapists now. I really, really do not like therapists. Ever since I've started trying to get hormones I've been introduced to the most chauvinistic people that society has to offer in the guise of "specialists". It's almost comical how helpless and barbie doll I have pretend to be in order to "convince" them I'm not really just a man in drag. Want to wear pants to an appointment? No can do! Unless you sashay into their office wearing a dress while throwing rose petals and singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" you're not taken seriously. Oh, and don't forget that you have to cake on the make-up! Because we know all women everywhere wear 8 layers of eyeliner every time they leave their house. I actually had one therapist tell me that I wasn't ready for hormones because, and I quote: "your hair style hides part of your face. This shows me that you're insecure and incapable of taking on what people might say to you while transitioning.". I wish I was joking. :eusa_doh:

Then you get the joy of telling them your life story and why you hate being in the wrong body; but they're not really listening. In truth they're just dissecting your every word for "key phrases" to fill into the Harry Benjamin "How to be a gatekeeper for dummies" handbook. Never mention that you were suicidal when you were younger, otherwise you're automatically denied any hormones or surgery. When I was told this by other trans women I asked why. The reason? "Because you would be too much of a risk while transitioning". WTF?! I've tried suicide because I HATED this body looking so male! How in the blue hell is keeping me trapped in it helping me?! The lack of logic that these "experts" use to judge what I am is just so frustrating! What makes these idiots experts anyway?! Book knowledge? Watching a college video? Reading a freakin' ehow article? How could some "normal" person who's biggest body concern ever was probably being over-weight or hair loss ever possibly understand the horrors of suffering through gender dysphoria? What could they ever know about feeling like a woman trapped in a male body? They don't have to wake up every morning feeling like nature has placed middle finger between their legs! It's idiotic! :***:

I love watching WWE as much as I do Wife Swap! I love dress shopping as much as I like sniping heads in an online shooter! Why is everything that I do that's masculine and feminine put onto a Scales of Justice and then used to decide if I'm officially a woman? "I'm sorry, but you have too many male hobbies for me to assess that you are really a trans". There are tons of woman who work on cars, drive motorcycles, and probably smoke stogies; yet these same specialists wouldn't second guess if we should allow them to have a hysterectomy or breast implants! So why is it I have to jump through flaming hoops and pretend to be helpless for the amusement of some jerk with a "degree" to get an ok for estrogen and surgery!? It's bullcrap! If I'm this miserable now I'm pretty sure not going to change my mind and embrace my penis halfway through my transition! I don't have a love-hate relationship with my tumor! It's a hate-"slam it in the door until it falls off, then light it on fire while damning it to the fiery pits of hell" relationship! And why is getting SRS surgery due to gender dysphoria considered "cosmetic" by insurance anyway? Is getting a new leg or an ok for a wheelchair just "cosmetic" for an amputee?! I need this to live a normal life! How is forcing me to pay more than a used car to fix this mistake supposed to help me?! Oh, my insurance will partly pay for some idiot to "assess" that I'm officially a woman; but after that I get thrown into an ocean with an IOU note for sympathy and told to hemorrhage out a ton of money! ARGH! :bang:

*stops panting* I'm done now...

 

I've had so many frustrations with LGB people at my school and their unfair expectations of us. Trans women at my school are completly accepted by a minority of lgbt students but there's so many that are terrible to us, don't know the first thing about transsexual stuff, trans women's experiences and do not really see us as truely women. They'll stare disaprovingly at women who are to feminine or butch. People will have discussions about that right on the groups webpage, nobody in charge finds it offensive, trans women every once in a while will decide to complain about it(alone or with others) but nothing happens. A trans guy and a trans masculine person who were female assigned at birth decided to voice a concern recently and this time they finally took a trans misogynystic video down after men joined in. They've basically told me they don't think trans women can be objective about deciding what's offensive to us and we're too emotional when we confront trans misogyny.

They just expect us to be nicely quiet (otherwise we aren't truely women)and not question anything they say and most of us stay afraid to speak up until we get fed up with it and don't come cuz we can't stand it. Then we voice concern and sometimes we find out it's really all our fault that anything bad happened becuase we don't voice our complaints enough and it's this crappy circular thing that happens.

And it doesn't help that there isn't even total solidarity with the trans guys, a few are awesome and others suck, they'll will discuss with others at group events about how we as trans women don't act like women since sometimes we're assertive and all these other little sexist things. Oh and they have no trans women friends and we don't feel safe enough to go to events most the time all the while most people in the group think they are the coolest thing since ever and never have a problem finding partners. I think it's a function of them being who they are and not trans men but they just keep passing it down to newer trans male students. It's a popular group but Everybody but us, people of color and bisexual people feel safe enough to go to that group and we don't get to connect with each other like they do because of it. They're also really ableist but that's another rant.

 

One thing that I've come across is that my opinion on what video games I think are good is always disregarded by a lot of guys I've come across simply because I'm a girl. It's really frustrating, especially as I have such a passion for it. Other than that it's "OMG, A GAMER GIRL, HAVE SEX WITH ME". I hate the term "gamer girl". I'm a girl, I'm a gamer, but we don't call girls who read books "reader girls" or any dumb shit like that. I just want to kill dinosaurs and have Pokemon battles without someone coming onto me or making... strange... comments.

Luckily, the games I play online don't have too much of that... but I still get it a lot discussing stuff on forums.

 

try being pangendered then!
christ i am ex military and a shooter when i was in it.
now i have come out more wear both sexes of clothing, and get called trans or mtf!
the funny thing is my wife doesn't mind and thinks its cool, because she steals my clothes LOL.
Enjoy life its to short! who cares what others say, or what groups do! in the end its about being who you are and how you feel as yourself and F##k the other people who dont get it, or want to put you into a category

 

I see what you're saying rabbit1. You kind of do need that F##k off attitude or some way of brushing BS off when it gets thrown on you. Trying to conform to gender roles and people being mean get old and I think I'd go crazy if I took all of that too seriously but I think for a lot of people myself included that's not easy to do.

It's hard not to care what others think if you're trying to get into a homeless shelter or some sort of community treatment center and they don't want you becuase of what they think about you. Or when someone seems furious about your presence and you just naturally feel unsafe. Or not having a good day with people clocking you and then having someone randomly walk right up to you and take a picture cuz they think you look like a freak and then dealing with all that and more everyday. It just gets hard sometimes and I can't speak for them but I imagine the OP and the other posters were just sort of speaking from those experiences of getting fed up eventually and maybe don't have a whole lot of safe spaces to express those opinions.

 

Gender... Blech.

 

true enough on that one Person54, mind you i'am older then most people on this site, and have seen the world and for all its good and for all its bad, you'd be surprised on what people do.
the other day i went to my doctors office to talk to my worker, wearing black slacks, white dress shirt, and low ankle heels. no=one said a word to me other than a girl looking for a moment.
i noticed this, and went on with my business. in the meantime she still never said anything to me, so i took as a good sign.
Alot of people are put off with someone like me but most people are cool with it.
My daughter has told her friends at work that i'am pangender and they thik its cool, since she said if her boyfriend ever hurt her, then i'd take care of it, and then take her shopping.
They think thats very cool. So choose wisely in people and dont worry to much about life. its to short.
Peace

 

I have had that experience with therapists, too. It is freaking frustrating

 

*now feels guilty for being insta-attracted to girls that play video games*

As far as gender roles go...I don't know that I really believe gender exists outside of a social construct.

Transsexualism I can understand as a physical/psychological reaction to being in the wrong body...but to me, transgenderism/pangenderism seems to be more like... transcending the boundaries of what defines male and female. Breaking down that barrier of what is expected of men and women.

And I think that's pretty fucking cool. I think everyone should be able to wear whatever they want, and do whatever they want, without having their gender called into question for it.

 

Aha, it's not that I have a problem with. It's the stupid comments people make more than anything.

 

Well that's good, 'cause I can honestly say I've never gone up to a lady of the gaming persuasion and been like, "Sup? OMG DAT COD KILLCOUNT. <3 <3 <3" :lol:

Not to say I haven't been tempted.

 

I'm going to rant for a minute now because I've had a bad day and I'm ready for this, but keep in mind I'm not out tot anyone so this is just me venting stress over no one being able to see the REAL me.

I can't listening to some friends problems anymore. I go in every day and have a good group of girlfriends and I'm the one that get's all the problems unloaded on. I get to hear about how "ugh, I'm on my period" or "be glad you're a guy, being a woman is just SO much effort" and it always ends with a "be glad you're a guy, be glad you're a guy, BE GLAD YOU'RE A GUY" and I just want to scream some days! I know it's not their fault because they don't know but I still can't help getting upset. Recently my girlfriend has a taken a liking to telling me "you'll just never understand women" and I hate hearing that because I'M more of a woman than SHE is! :***::***:

I'm just so sick of being treated like a male and I HATE having this abomination of a thing between my legs, and I HATE my body! Why am I a guy to everyone else? Because of this damn thing between my legs and I don't even want it there. The other day I was in pain from doing a workout so I could try to to lose weight and feminize my body, and I walk in the living room and put my hands on my hips (which were on fire from the workout) and the first thing someone said was "Get your hands off your hips like that!" and I was already stressed because I look at myself in the mirror and can't think of anything other than "You fat, ugly piece of s***" and I was nearly ready to explode and scream "I'll put my hands where I want to because I'm a WOMAN d*****!" instead I turned back around and went to my room and cried while I sat there and looked at myself in the mirror. :icon_sad:

And why is it that women can't enjoy male things? I LOVE playing video games and playing sports and shooting guns and all this other male stuff, and you know what else I love? I love flipping through Venus and looking at all the pretty clothes and cooking and cleaning and taking a hot bath and grooming myself and making sure that I don't look like crap. But everyone only sees the man. They only see that I like doing guy things, not the girl things, and that makes me gross. Every other day my girlfriend comments on how "ugly" I and my outfit looks that day and I cry on the inside. Why can't I be pretty like all the other girls!? Why do I have to be stuck in this body with no way out!? :bang:

Some days I get so stressed out that I just beat the h*** out of my legs until I'm covered in bruises because I'm just so angry and I could never hurt another living thing, but I take it out on myself because I hate my own body so much....

*takes deep breath* Ok, I'm good now.

 

Glad ya feel better hun. (*hug*) I'm in the same boat of people looking at me funny for doing poses and what-not. Whenever one of my friends says something smart ass to me I respond with something provocative like "would you like more?" and rub my leg up my dress slowly while moaning. That usually shuts them up. :lol: It sounds like your girlfriend's really not wrapping her mind around you though. That same frustration is the reason I'm not even bothering with a relationship again until I'm post-op. Being pigeonholed into "boyfriend" roles did nothing but piss me off. I really want to visit a few of my meaner ex's when I'm post-op and saying "See bitch? I did find someone else and I do look better than you in a dress! :badgrin:"

 

Yes! I can't stand being a boyfriend! I mean I'm not out to anyone at this point so I don't expect them to know but.... It's pretty obvious that SOMETHING is going on. I don't even look like a boy most days! I get up at 4:30 to exercise and take a shower and fix my hair, etc. You know the morning ritual and I dress in the most feminine things that I own. I'm kind of surprised no one's figured it out yet. I actually wish someone would just ask me if I am some days so I can be like "YES! THANK YOU!"

 

Ugh gender roles.

I hate being seen as woman.:dry: I hate feeling "embarrassed" for not shaving my legs when out in public. I hate the fact that in order to avoid weird looks I'd have to wear form fitting clothing. I hate that when I do wear men's clothing I'm automatically seen as a butch lesbian. I am not a lesbian! I'm a man.

My parents know this, but at the same time they won't let me express myself. They tell me I need a balance with what's going on in my head and my "female" side. They won't let me get my hair short because if I were to, I'd need to wear make up, so the outside world would see me as a female. BUT since I don't wear make up I have to have longer hair, than what a guy would have. I'm tired of the world seeing me as a female. I HATE being in this god forsaken female body. I want to be seen as man and be treated as one.

Everyday that goes by I feel like I'm competing with cisgender guys. Those guys don't have to go through this hell. They are capable of finding love easily whether it be with another guy or girl. Me...I struggle with that. I figure what gay guy wants a man with a vagina. I don't want to be a "girlfriend". I never saw myself a fully submissive person. I'd like to have the option.
I just...I hate it. I have to bind down my chest, but when I bind it's not tight enough; because I am careful with my home made binder, so my chest isn't as flat as I want it to be. It's just annoying, I want these tumors on my chest to be gone at the very least!

I know I'm a guy on the inside...but with this female body, the world cannot see that. And it's wearing me down.

Ugh...well that's my rant, better stop before I get too off topic.

 

Hun, you'd be surprised how utterly clueless cis people can be. People are so fixated on your outside body that they won't pick up on glaring visual cues. People will derp and still treat you like a guy even if you go out in a pink dress and a wear a shirt that says "princess". Sadly enough, when I did cues like wearing my hair like a girl and wearing panties my parents just assumed that I was a gay guy. :eusa_doh: This leads to my mini-rant...

It's frustrating as hell to try to pass and having some moron notice one flaw and switch their brain to "der, this person is a guy! I should socially treat them as such! I'm sure someone in a dress trying to look like a girl will totally love the bro treatment!". It takes all kinds. :rolle:

 

Don't even get me started on this. My first GSA meeting trans* issues came up and the first thing someone said was "If a guy wants to wear a skirt that's totally cool." and no one pointed out the mistake, they ALL agreed. That's the reason I didn't come out that day. :dry: