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LGBT News Excellent NYT op-ed piece

Discussion in 'Current Events, World News, & LGBT News' started by RainbowMan, May 9, 2013.

  1. RainbowMan

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    I was just pointed to this piece, and I feel that I have changed my name to Adam Chandler and written that, all without my knowledge :grin:

    That resonates so soundly with me, I've always been a high achiever, and never have known why. Now it all makes sense. This really got me thinking.

    And the question remains that he poses for me. Now that I'm coming out, will my drive disappear? Or will it be channeled into finding the perfect partner?
     
  2. silkfrog1292

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    I did some reading into the original research results. It seems that the study is composed of only 159 male college students, which is itself a small sample. Furthermore no corresponding study was made for transgender and lesbian groups. I'm not going to say that this study is inaccurate, but I would find results yielded from such a narrow and selective sample size rather dubious.

    As for whether coming out would decrease our achievements. No it won't, overachieving based on the crave for markers of success is not healthy development. Like the author of the article put it, it's more like getting "high" on something addictive. For a junkie it would be drugs, for a closeted gay man it would be worldly success and validation.

    Here is an article that argues being out at work actually increases one's productivity and benefits one's career:Gays who are out of the closet at work have stronger careers | Penelope Trunk Blog

    Furthermore, would not being out and proud of one's true self the greatest achievement we can attain? No matter how admired one is in social circles, how much money one makes these would one day culminate in, at best a Wikipedia page dedicated to you or an obituary at the bottom of the local paper. Isn't living a life of being comfortable in one's own skin more preferable?
     
    #2 silkfrog1292, May 9, 2013
    Last edited: May 9, 2013
  3. RainbowMan

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    Oh, the author of the NYT piece hit the nail on the head when he said that remaining closeted in the hopes of worldly achievements would be disingenuous at best. I don't think that this piece was meant to say "remain closeted, you'll achieve great things!" but rather to explain that there is a (somewhat loose) correlation between remaining closeted (or indeed, stigmatized in any other way - skin color, religion, etc) and seeking other methods of validation in the form of worldly success.

    Like I said, I read a lot of myself in there....
     
  4. SimpleMan

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    I see myself in that as well. I have tended to go for jobs or adventures that I can lose myself in so I don't have to deal with the scary reality of the coming out process.

    I recognize now that I can't truly lose myself in service to others until I am honest about who I am. I devote a lot of energy to hiding that I could be using to make this world a better place. You have to love yourself before you can truly love/help others.
     
  5. PeteNJ

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    I've been emailing this piece around to all my gay friends, it describes me completely. Like everything I do had to be right, the best, and indisputably correct !

    A laugh - cleaning out to get my place ready to sell and found I had 15 books on hetero sex. Geez, even when I was having sex with women, I had to have all the facts and data first! (Those books are GONE)

    Otoh. - in this weeks therapy session, when I brought this up, he kinda laughed with me and more or less said that I have chosen the experiential vs book way of learning about gay sex. And said that's a much better way.

    Yes, I have plenty of info on safer sex. But in terms of sex with men, doing is a better way to learn. Sometimes I feel a little stupid, but I can laugh at myself!
     
  6. PrinceOfAvalon

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    :O I know im only 16, but that kind of resonates with me as well partially.

    I'm not 100% sure I could admit that I find ways to achieve perfection and success at everything I do BECAUSE i was gay, but I have sometimes often consciously thought that it would be an amazing testament to be top of my class since elementary school... racist bigots can say "Hey, hes Black AND Gay! and top of his class? I have to give him that!" and whatever :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I'm out now, and honestly I have gotten a bit lazy this school year, but im not sure if its related xD

    This is interesting regardless. I think a lot of people can relate to wanting to achieve validity/success because of something they consider to be a restriction (in this case our sexualities). They may not have admitted it to themselves, but still its possible!