LGBT News Just Because He Breathes: Learning to Truly Love Our Gay Son

As much as I feel for the loss these parents had to endure, it seems to me they haven't learned enough from this experience.

Seeing as how they credit God with their change of heart on their non-acceptance of their son amongst other things as well as needing to pray to become better persons.

 

And what is necessarily wrong with their beliefs? In the end they at least they made the right change of heart and learned that their son's sexuality is not an evil thing, it's just apart of who he was and (ignore this part if you prefer) that God loves anybody (IMO). It's still really sad that the toxic beliefs took so much of toll on the son and that in the end it pretty much killed him. If only the parents had realized and learned sooner...


Also I looked at the comments and instead of seeing people talking about the article or at least seeing that it is possible for religious people to see that some dogma or teachings they have learned are not inherently correct and that we should always read with skepticism to ensure we don't hurt others, there are still some comments poking the people's beliefs. I mean come on! :dry:

 

Ugh, another sad story. I usually try to avoid these kinds of sad stories, going by the title "Just Because He Breathes", I thought the gay son must still be alive and breathing and his parents realized their error in time, but then I got to the line where he dies. :tears:

And seriously, let's not get into political correctness that obstructs the truth here: religion was a major contributing factor to this horror story. Only religion can make good, well-intentioned people do truly horrible, evil things, and it seems that is exactly what happened here.

 

I think I've seen this blog on the actual blog of the writer one or two months ago. Was posted on this forum as well.

It is quite a sad story nonetheless, and only goes to fuel my stance against religion.

 

:tears:

Reading that story was almost like reading someone writing about my life if I had made slightly different choices, and if I change a few minor details.

I'm thankful that I made a pact with myself at seventeen to never drink or do drugs, because I knew all to well how easily it would be to become reliant on them to cope with what I was going through. My childhood was filled with the horror stories of my extended family, and the number of people who suffered and struggled with alcoholism and drug abuse. I saw all to well what it did to people, and probably in one of the best decisions I made as a young adult - decided to completely abstain.

It would have been far too easy to travel down the same road as him, right into the grave.

 

Wow, the video disgusts me.
I know they're trying to pander to Christians like themselves by being sympathetic to their six years of beating their son down with their scripture, but it's too bad they couldn't have had a moment of rationality during those six years and changed THEIR way of thinking.

 

Didn't realize there was already a thread on this, and I posted it as well.

Anyway, not many things get to me, but this story did. Very sad.

 

I think they killed their son themselves...now it's too late for them to change my opinion about them

 

Are you purposely acting moronic?

 

His story brings back elements of mine, I used to be religious, I didn't want to be straight and repressed and hated my sexuality. It gets to the point when the self-hate consumes you since your sexuality is part of yourself. I remember praying to be straight as well.

Thankfully I had parents and close friends who weren't overly religious they saw the warning signs and saved me from myself to an extent.

His parents do love him, I just don't think they really understood what he was going through, they didn't disown him or anything. They did support the kids self-destructive behaviour to an extent but I don't think they intended to .

I was in tears by the end of this. This story is heartbreaking, I think it may be the same one my therapist gave me to show what effect killing myself would do to my family

---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2013 at 08:15 AM ----------

They love their son, they just didn't understand that they were reinforcing his to self-destroy himself. They are not bad people at all.

 

I haven't used the words nececssarily or belief.
I commented on their attitude.
They're using their religion, both as an excuse to justify their initial bigotry and as crutch to explain everything that happened to their gay son. They should take responsibility for their own actions and strive to better themselves under their own power. Not resort to prayer.

No they didn't. By their own admission their god changes their hearts.
What if god had hardened their hearts?

 

It always makes me sad when people use religion to make bad decisions. Religion can be a good thing though, so no need to be hating on religion, some of you. My church is very accepting, and my minister used to be a gay rights activist in college.

 

Note: Ignore this if you want, I don't really care at this point. I'm wrong and you're right! That is what you want to hear isn't it?

My apologizes, I did misuse the word "necessarily" and I guess I meant to say that what is wrong with them crediting their change of hearts to God? I mean it was work on their part, a ton and possibly they came to understand that God loves anybody regardless. I would say they are merely suggesting they came to know that and are thanking God for that.

They are not using their religion to justify their bigotry (I hate that word, always thrown around by this community), they are seeing how there is an error in the teachings they have learned and now knowing that not everything that comes out of that book or the mouths of old men is a truth. They are finally figuring out that they need to rely on their own faith and thoughts more so than the church.

Well from the lesson they learned, they admitted the error of their ways. They aren't right for what they did, they are right for seeing the error and changing. Also I don't believe that God would have hardened their hearts, people do that as they are ones who have the choice to do so.

 

Nope. I do love that people keep trotting out this straw-man in attempt to cut off the discussion.
I merely stated how I viewed the attitude of those parents. You're free to disagree with me or point out any flaws in my arguments. It's not my intention to convince you or anyone else that I'm absolutely right.

My objection is that they credit God for their change of heart instead of their own hard struggle to better understand things.
Also they should love their son because he's their son, not because a God tells them so.

But that implies they haven't expended any efforts themselves.

They were, I never said they are now, I said they first used their religion as an excuse for their intolerance of their sons sexuality and then when they come to realise better they again credit the same religion for that.
As I said they should change their mind because there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and through their own effort.
Not because a God tells them to and changes their heart.

And they are crediting that to the same God they were crediting homophobic views to.
Don't you think that if God really loves everyone, he would have made that point clear to the parents right away?

But how have you learned anything if it is God that changes your mind, instead of educating yourself?

It was merely a hypothetical argument to point out the problem with crediting God for your change of heart.
It essentially says they haven't changed their hearts because they found out for themselves that there's nothing wrong with being gay, but because God told them to.

 

Fuck these parents.

Weak minded people. There is no fucking excuse for doing that. regardless of your religion, you should know from your god damn HUMANITY that it is wrong.

I am sick of religion being used as an excuse for fucking poor behaviour. It is outrageous.
What wars and horrible acts against humanity have nothing to do with religious intent. NONE!

Without religion natives wouldn't have been raped of their heritage, genocided, and converted. Without religion the holocaust wouldn't have happened, without religion the bosniak genocide wouldn't have happened, without religion no one would have an excuse for murdering another person other than being a complete piece of shit.

People that do good in the name of religion are just as bad, they're doing it to get in with the big man, talk about a total kiss ass bitch.

I treat my neighbours equal because I understand the plight of human beings, not because it is commanded by some omniscient non-existent being.

 

Thats not even a little bit true.

 

Ok tell me a recent war or crime against humanity that didn't have a religious reason behind it or at least religion there to validate doing said crime.

I am not talking about a murder, or rape, I am talking about wars, genocides, terrorist attacks, human rights issues, all of that, it all has religious ties, until you provide me with links to prove that Hitler didn't hate Jews and just coincidentally put them all in camps and killed them, or that English missionaries weren't justifying the genocide of a culture(North American Culture) with doing the work of god, or the Spanish conquistadors didn't kill natives because they were an abolishment of god. Or that World War I didn't start because on culture viewed their religion and culture to be superior of another. Countries bounded together based on similar culture which was heavily influenced by the dominant religion of the time.

Also 9.11, that must've been some crazy people coincidentally doing that in the name of extremist non-religious views that just so happened to use the same vocabulary as the Qur'an(Jihad, Allah...etc)

The Serbo-Bosnian genocide of the 90's had nothing to do with Orthodox Christians feeling superior to their muslim neighbours. No it definately didn't , it was an arbitrary genocide on people that so happened to be muslim.

Your statement my sir is ridiculous.

Wars have to do with power, and money, but it always is justified in the name of God.

The only crimes against humanity I can think of that have nothing to do with religion are..... NONE.

Look up current events, get yourself educated, people don't kill eachother for nothing.

Problems in Syria, religion, problem in Egypt, religion, Problems in eastern europe Religious, Problems in Africa Religious. The only nation that has done poor to it's people without blatantly prescribing to religion is China, and even then it was Dynasties doing that to people, Dynasties are direct descendants of God.

And if it is for resources or land, they use God to justify it.

Who cares about murdering and raping people when God is going to give you a reward for doing so.


*EDIT

Some recent exploitation of Third World countries for cheap labour are non-related to religion actually, so it's not 100% true, but it is still high enough to note that religion has created more problems than good.

 

I'm not sure why people are shocked or upset that some people aren't exactly in a forgiving mood. Considering many people here have had similar experiences with their families or with religion, it's a bit like someone who happened to have killed another person as a result of their drunk driving wandering into a support group for families and friends of people who lost someone as a result of drunk driving. Then said person being all like, "Oops! Totally my bad! I'm so sorry that I killed someone, that totally wasn't my intention!"

Yeah... I know they taught everyone in kindergarten that saying "I'm sorry" and feeling remorseful about your actions makes everything better, but they lied. Saying you're sorry and being remorseful doesn't make everything better. The fact of the matter is these individuals are directly responsible for psychologically abusing their son which in turn led to his drug addiction and the overdose that ultimately killed him. They have the blood of their son on their hands. They may not have had that as their intention, but neither does a drunk driver have causing a crash their intention when they get behind the wheel. That doesn't make them any less responsible for their actions.

Are these people legitimately remorseful? Yes, I have no doubt that they are. It's unfortunate that they only realized how they hurt their son after it was too late.

So, what do they want? Do they want forgiveness? Well, the only person who can give it to them is dead, and they are responsible for that death. Do they want some type of community redemption? Well, saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough for that. In my mind, at least, if they want some type of redemption they are going to have to earn it. There are thousands upon thousands of other LGBT Youth in the same position as their son, and many in even worse positions. If they want some sort of redemption, then they need to actively get out there and reach out to families who have LGBT Youth and tell their story. Let their story serve as a warning to other parents who are psychologically abusing their children with their religion. They also need to stand for LGBT homeless youth who are kicked or forced out of their homes because they are LGBT.

In short, if they want redemption then they need to earn it through their actions, by helping stop harm from coming to others, and by helping those who have been harmed. Simply sharing their story and saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough. If it is not backed up by actions, then it means nothing.