I posted one topic earlier in the Gender Identity Forum and it was eventually approved. But I came back later to check for more responses (it had only one) and its gone. Is there any way to find out why my post was deleted?
Well I was the person who responded, but if I HAD to guess, I'd say it was the constant use of the word 'shemale'.
Is there any reason why that word is bad? I'm still learning about this stuff. Its the word that my fiance used. I'm sorry to have offended anyone! >.<
It's very bad. Probably one of the worst you could use to describe trans girls. If it helps, from what I remember of your questions, it sounds like you have nothing to worry about on either count. You don't feel like a guy at all so you're not trans, and you're not attracted to girls, so you're not gay. You appear to just like roleplay.
If in doubt, use the word 'trans', because I'll be honest you won't find people like it when you use nearly ANY of the more common names for us!
I was kind of hoping to get to this earlier today. Senegaliza, I know you didn't mean any harm, and some people's reactions might feel like they are coming out of left field. But to a lot of us trans people, "shemale" is a slur. Just like every other word that is a slur, there's a history behind it. In our case, a lot of us are forced to turn to sex work, and the public has a perception of us that comes from the porn industry - which you noticed is fond of that word - and shows like "Jerry Springer". It's a really degrading and dehumanizing image of us. If the word turns you on in private, or it's how you think about yourself, I'm not going to tell you not to use it behind closed doors. That's your business. But here, a lot of us transsexuals are nothing like the people in those movies, and we come here because we want a place that feels safe to be us. Just being completely honest, if both of us had the same equipment, you would have a far easier time using a penis for sex than I would, and the ideas porn films put in people's minds cause people like me all kinds of problems. It promotes ideas that, for instance, make it impossible for me to have a safe place to pee, because people think of me the same way they think of people in those movies, and no one wants me in their bathroom. I can't really describe how frustrating it is living life day to day when some people think I'm "really" a man. So any words closely associated with the porn industry, or entertainment that treats us like a spectacle, or assumes we are somehow "really" one thing or especially words that imply we are "tricking" people somehow, are words that have become very offensive everywhere within the trans* community. So hopefully that helps clear up some of the reactions. I think it's good that you made this thread, and good that we can bring this out into the open, because again, you didn't know. A lot of people don't. And they won't if we keep quiet about it and things like this don't come up. Anyway, you came here for help, so let's do some of that! To answer your question, it doesn't make you gay or transsexual. You wouldn't be happy sleeping with a woman, you wouldn't be happy living day as a man. You just want a little bit of gender play in the bedroom. That just makes you normal Lots and lots of straight couples love spicing things up the way you two do. A really common practice among straight couples is something called "pegging", where you penetrate your husband with a strap-on. The couples that have the easiest time are the ones that have enough respect for each other, that they can do stuff like this in the bedroom, and have their relationship outside the bedroom unchanged. It sounds like you two can be one of those couples
