New suggestion: relationship status

[Camman3]

Kind if similar to the Facebook Relationship status thing. I don't know if the mods would prefer we just post in the "Post Secret" or "Let someone know you're thinking if them" threads, but I would love to have that status. Here's why:

Many people aren't out to friends, parents, etc. I am out, but I still haven't told my family about my relationship because it's with an older guy. Sometimes it's nice to be able to have a "relationship status", because we can't do it on "mainstream" sites like facebook.

I thought it was a cool idea, but then again maybe not a vital installment...

[Ben]

Thanks for the suggestion! We try to stop people from simply being on EC so that they can date people. I think having a relationship status section might make more people wrongly see EC as a place to meet people to date, although that would not be it's purpose.
Also, you can always put your relationship status in your biography on your profile page if you want, or anywhere else for that matter, and be as open as you like about it!
Though that's just my opinion on the matter, so some people might disagree with it.

[Victor]

I agree with Ben, and also, I think that having a relationship status section would probably not be a good idea because there are undoubtedly a lot of people on EC who are single and lacking in self-esteem. I don't think many of them would want to see people, for lack of a better word, flaunting their relationships.

So basically, while the suggestion is meant to be harmless, I think that it could potentially make things worse for some.

However, I do think the same argument might be made for other sections, so I'll try to suggest an alternative. Ben mentioned your biography, but you can also put something about it in your signature if you want.

[Rosina]

I second the low self-esteem thing.

Plus I've seen users having a little dedication to their loved one in their signatures which I think is all the more effective and sweeter compared to 'Relationship Status: In a relationship'. Also they are 'Infatuated' and 'In Love' emotions which are subtle ways of showing it.

[George]

...Eww no.
Do we really want EC turning into a fully-fledged hookup site? >_>

[Filip]

Well, having seen some serious relationship status drama play out on facebook and other social networking sites, I'd be fearful of it being a source of more trouble than it's worth too. Especially if people can add their own descriptions.

Also, for some people (not) being in a relationship can be a source for self-esteem issues.

As it is, we already have status icons like "crushing", "crushed", "in love", "infatuated" etc... which some use for relationship updates, and you can use sigs or profiles to give out the info.

I'm guessing that some of these objections can also go for the "out status" though. But I'm guessing how out people are has a tad less potential to move into "emotional drama" terrain...

[Camman3]

Good point, guys. It's silly how carried away someone can get with something in mind. Didn't think of the poor crushed people... Maybe it's better without it =)

[Greggers]

I do kind of disagree with the low self-esteem thing. It just seems sort of a bad idea. You could say having your out status as fully out would do the exact same thing, or having your picture not be ugly enough. The lines are goign to be very blurred if thats the reason you deny this request. Its just pandering to people who feel so bad about themselves they cant stand to see other people happy, and to be honest thats not exactly a good thing to promote. Im really sorry, i get why people might feel bad, but its kind of a bitch move. Its comparable to "If i cant have <blank> then no one can" or "I only hang out with people less <blank> than me" or even bullying to make yourself feel better. I can see how you would not want people uber-flaunting it, thats just rude, but isnt it worse to see someone gush over and over on the threads than have "In a relationship" or whatever on there info? I just dont feel you should punish others because people have self-esteem problems. Learn to be happy for your fellow EC members

I think it would be nice to have a section to fill out on your profile that you can leave empty or say what your relationship status is. Its important for people who dont feel safe on facebook and other sites like that to feel safe on EC. Thats why i think its a good idea to have an OFFICIAL spot to put your relationship status, because it would make people feel really good to be able to proudly display that somewhere here if they cant anywhere else. I know your going to say "You can stick it in your bio" but lets be honest, i can also stick "The hippo sits on the grassroof when it is not raining on the second monday of octoberfest on a leapyear cheese noodle barf microsoft" in my bio and i think someones relationship status should be spared being in the same place as that.

[littledinosaurs]

Originally Posted by Greggers

I do kind of disagree with the low self-esteem thing. It just seems sort of a bad idea. You could say having your out status as fully out would do the exact same thing, or having your picture not be ugly enough. The lines are goign to be very blurred if thats the reason you deny this request. Its just pandering to people who feel so bad about themselves they cant stand to see other people happy, and to be honest thats not exactly a good thing to promote. Im really sorry, i get why people might feel bad, but its kind of a bitch move. Its comparable to "If i cant have <blank> then no one can" or "I only hang out with people less <blank> than me" or even bullying to make yourself feel better. I can see how you would not want people uber-flaunting it, thats just rude, but isnt it worse to see someone gush over and over on the threads than have "In a relationship" or whatever on there info? I just dont feel you should punish others because people have self-esteem problems. Learn to be happy for your fellow EC members

I agree, using the self-esteem problem is a terrible reason to say no, but I do feel like there are so many places you could fit your relationship info in that i don't care if there is its own section for it or not.

[Martin]

Agreed with the above. I have never really jumped on board with the whole self-esteem reasoning that can be used for vetoing ideas. I agree that they have merit and they're potentially problematic, but I don't think EC's features should be based on whether or not they upset a small minority of uber-sensitive members. I think EC already has enough babying as it is (such as the security features) and I don't really think it's productive to analyse every idea on how likely they are to upset a few people. Obviously if it's blatantly controversial then it's a legitimate point, but I don't think a relationship status in a profile field is a topic that would cause strong self-esteem issues on here.

Saying that, I do have my own reasons for not being a fan of the idea. I think the little postbit currently has alot of information as it is, and there are plenty of other things that we could also add to it. One new field wouldn't cause much of a problem, but you also have to wonder where you draw the line on things like this. EC isn't a social networking site so features shouldn't be introduced solely because sites like facebook or bebo have them, and you have to remember that we try and minimise the amount of profile writing by adding sections that can include a wide range of topics. I think having a field like "Biography" is good as any information can be put there rather than having that information cut up into 10 specific sections that nobody will read more than once.

Anyways, if people do like the idea of having a relationship status in profiles then it could be tested to see how feasible it is and how it looks within the profile, but I think having it in the users postbit is a tad unnecessary due to the amount of information that is already there.

[shimmersky]

I think that there should be a separate section for it on the profile by the biography, but I do not think it should be on the post sidebar thing along with gender/orientation/out status/etc.

[George]

Actually, building on some of the stuff here, I wouldn't have any objections for the out status to be removed. Of course, it's useful for some support/advice threads, but it's a pretty daunting thing to admit.

[Jim1454]

Originally Posted by George

Actually, building on some of the stuff here, I wouldn't have any objections for the out status to be removed. Of course, it's useful for some support/advice threads, but it's a pretty daunting thing to admit.

You might want to refer to the top of each and every page you look at here on EC:

Coming Out Resources & A Safe Place To Chat

So I don't think I'm out of line when I suggest that the coming out status fits in pretty well with the mandate of this site, where as relationship status doesn't.

[x2x2x2x2y2]

Honestly, I like the idea. If someone doesn't they could just not type anything in it. And as for people being depressed by it, well people could be depressed by seeing someones status as "out". This site will only turn into a hook up site if the members let it, which from what I've seen, they are smart enough not to. IMHO. =)

[tyler27846]

itmight be a good idea it would eventually turn this site intoa hookupsite

[Martin]

Hey,

Sorry, I thought I had posted an update on this idea ages ago. I must have got caught up with offline stuff.

Anyways, this idea was discussed behind the scenes and was tested on EC's testing site so that screenshots could be provided, but it never gained enough support to be implemented. Changes to the site (such as profile fields) require a staff vote and a majority in support of it, but this idea was vetoed by a 9-3 vote.

I can't go into details about who voted for and against, or why they made that decision. All I can say is that many felt it was unnecessary due to the profile fields being highly flexible for information like that already, and we need to draw the line somewhere and not create a gazillion categories about every aspect of a members life.

Anyways, for those who may be interested, here are the screenshots presented to the staff:

Edit Details page:


Profile: