Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

rocking23 · 24th Nov 2011, 08:45 AM

I am beyond fed up with this site. I understand that the success of the forum relies heavily on the users who post. However, more importantly, it relies on users actually replying, and giving advice that is needed rather that using people's posts as a cinema to sit back and read: "There's always someone worse off than you, and here I can boost my own self-confidence."

You can refute that all you want. But on a website with a user base of 13,000 members, I highly doubt I'm the only one who feels this way. Or who simply decided not to return to the website because of this reason.

Sure, I admit it, I visit this website maybe once or twice every 2 weeks. And I usually only do when I am in need of advice, or in that mood to impart my own wisdom or experiences.

Here's where I differ from other users. I don't simply read threads for the cinema (see point above) I actually come to reply and help. I sympathize that there may be posts outside of my expertise, but that doesn't stop me from sending my wishes, or giving what little I have. Most of the time, it's not the advice you have that the poster wants, it's the fact that the poster knows someone is listening and is there for them.

More than just once do my pleas for advice go ignored. Really, 41 views and not a single reply.

When I come to this site, I do so to be apart of the community. The posts users have especially in the Support forum are often ones that should NEVER be ignored and not have a single reply.

I will no longer waste my time pouring my heart out in seek of advice and have nothing in return.

Empty Closets, you have officially lost a member. And on very bad terms. I remember a time in the past when a friend came out to me and I recommended this site to him. Never again. You have burned a bridge with me.

I was thinking of deleting my account, but that made me wonder, in doing so would my posts be deleted as well? This post needs to be read. This post needs to be seen by every user here who simply comes for a boost. Our problems are not your self-confidence boosters.

How can users move on from this? I have said it earlier, but will reiterate it again: it's not the advice you have that the poster wants, it's the fact that the poster knows someone is listening and is there for them. And a view count to show that people are reading the post is not what I am speaking about.

This will be my last post. I am sorry to future posters who I could have replied to and made them feel like their problems matter.

Thank you to those who have read this. Hopefully you will look at your own actions on this site and realize that you could be alienating users, and causing more problems than solutions.

Thank you.

**Ben** · 24th Nov 2011, 08:59 AM

Hi Rocking23,

It often takes a while for threads to get their first response. I've noticed that the thread you're talking about is your only one (save one other, which was not a support thread) which hasn't had any responses yet. Hold on a bit longer and I'm sure people will respond!
Taking a look at the support and advice forum, out of over 10,000 threads, just over 100 have no responses, and three of them were only posted today (including yours). I think that's a pretty good record, don't you?
Also, lots of the views each thread gets come from lurkers and search engine spiders.

There are loads of great members here who dedicate a lot of their time to helping others. I think you might be making some unjustified assumptions about the community. Remember that you're free to use the chat room and write on people's walls.

If you delete your account, your thread will still be visible. You're free and welcome to return whenever you wish, although you'll have to apply for full membership when you've established yourself on your new account. The old account cannot be retrieved.

If you do decide to leave, then you have my best wishes for your future. Take care.

Fugs · 24th Nov 2011, 09:19 AM

I'm sorry you feel that way, but remember that today is a busy day for a lot of people, and not everyone that is usually on will have the time to help today just due to family coming over and the massive amount of cooking and cleaning that has to be done to set up. I understand that only the United States portion of the site has this today but that's still a good reason as to why you aren't getting support as quickly as you'd like.

I'd be glad to help of course and will look for your thread while I have time before the folks get here. ^.^

Connor22 · 24th Nov 2011, 09:24 AM

try the chat room maybe?

alan t · 24th Nov 2011, 10:25 AM

a lot of people are shy, scared or anxious and read the posts to feel less alone but maybe aren't capable of making posts. it can be hard, even just to fill out the profile box with 'gay' or whatever. i don't think it's fair to judge based on the number of views.

Keelin · 24th Nov 2011, 12:54 PM

Did you ever think that maybe the people who read and didn't reply were just never in your situation? Very few threads never get answers. You just keep trying.

Although, honestly, I don't see why you had to post this. EC is probably one of the most amazing things in my life. Before EC, I was ready to commit suicide. EC helped me a lot.

Small, yes, but being so close-knit is what makes us a family. My first thread got 4o-something views before the first comments. EC will always help you, it may just take sometime. You realize this if your on close to every day.

Veronica · 24th Nov 2011, 01:23 PM

I think if you expect everyone to jump to your immediate rescue, you're probably expecting too much. It is great that you do that with others, but if you only do that to save up good karma, I think you may be doing it for the wrong reason.

I try to reply to threads where I have something to contribute, or just to acknowledge the OP. Most threads here fall outside my experience as I don't identify as most people here, though there are quite a few of us too. However I do that to help who I can because I understand the need people have to talk to someone. My motivation is empathy, not frequent flyer points.

As pointed out: not getting a response is very rare. So I guess you're just frustrated because you need to talk about what it is that bothers you (I haven't seen your thread yet) and that's perfectly fine, and understandable. Just keep those things in mind before you start burning bridges.

**Gerry** · 24th Nov 2011, 02:30 PM

I'm sorry you feel this way about this site. As Ben said, it sometimes takes a while for someone to respond but almost every thread has some replies, sometimes it's just a waiting game. EC was built for support and advice and that's how we do things here. I think many members have found a lot of help they needed and that means we're doing our job. Of course we take your post very seriously, I don't think it speaks for the community as a whole. As a full member, you're allowed to use our chat room and post on members' walls as well as sending PMs. There are many means of communication on this site and if you wish to do so in the future, by all means do so. I'm sorry to hear you've decided to leave on these terms, but your posts will not be deleted even if you choose to delete your account. Take care and EC will be here if you choose to return. Best wishes.

djt820 · 25th Nov 2011, 08:53 AM

Also, take into consideration that this site is full of volunteers. They don't get paid to do any of this. Just because you don't receive a reply off the spot, doesn't mean it's the site's problem. Nothing can be perfect and up to your expectations all the time.

And to be honest, if you seek advice and help, this site probably has the most efficiency you'll find in receiving advice and help. But you can't just expect a immediate response. Also, you have other means of communication, like others have said, to your disposal; PMing advisors, the chat room, etc.

Josh S · 25th Nov 2011, 09:04 AM

I do feel bad that I don't respond to most of the threads I've read so far, but it's not because I don't want to help or give anyone advice, rather I often feel that I cannot.

Plus, I think a significant amount of the community here is made up of people who are still struggling with the basic issues of orientation/identity and, if like myself, they're fairly new here, they're just glad to have a place to speak out if they feel there's almost no one or nowhere else to go to. Personally, I hope that in time I'll be able to make more meaningful contributions to the forum, instead of being the pseudo-lurker that I am. :|

thecat06 · 25th Nov 2011, 11:15 AM

I don't respond every thread that I read... but that's because I don't want to leave pointless advice, or act like I'm talking about something I know about when in fact I know nothing about it.

Chouchou · 25th Nov 2011, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thecat06

I don't respond every thread that I read... but that's because I don't want to leave pointless advice, or act like I'm talking about something I know about when in fact I know nothing about it.

I completely agree. It's not that we don't want to be helpful--of course we do. If we tried to reply to every thread, we would not be able to write substantive replies to many of them. Would you rather have 50 "good luck" or "I'm sorry" replies to your thread, or five actually helpful ones? Not to mention, people who reply to every thread in that way will be accused of raising their post counts.

It's likely you'll never read these replies, but in case you do, please reconsider.

crazyhead · 25th Nov 2011, 02:44 PM

In defense of myself, I don't read posts to boost my self esteem. My experience is limited, thus my advice is as well. I guess you and I are different in the sense that when I look for advice, if someone just says they're here for me, I'd say that doesn't help. And sometimes I know that any advice I could give would be very unhelpful. For example, if someone wants advice on being Christian while still being gay, my advice would be to be an atheist. But that's not what they want, so I leave it alone. I think you're jumping to unfair conclusions about the 41 people who viewed your post.

kellymporta · 25th Nov 2011, 08:15 PM

In my case, I joined this site just a couple of days ago. However, I don't understand what you're saying because in this short time I've received so much help and support from EC.

Personally I wish I could reply to more people in the forums, but right now I'm not in the best position to give advice (I'm still trying to accept that I'm not straight). Also, there are many threads in which I can't participate because I can't relate with the situation being discussed in the thread. I mean I'm just a gay guy, but this site is for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered people, and all other types of orientations and genders.

Colton · 26th Nov 2011, 12:21 PM

I understand what you mean, but please do understand, a majority of people on EC are here for help, and still have problems to work out themselves. I'm sure they are more worried about getting help as opposed to giving any at this specific time.

Aielar · 26th Nov 2011, 12:55 PM

To be frank, I do not understand where you are coming from. I can acknowledge the desire to have support, but I do not comprehend why you expect it to be almost instantaneous. That is an unrealistic expectation, because people have lives outside of Empty Closet. I'm sure you would have gotten a response if you had waited even twelve more hours, because if you got 40 views you clearly weren't being ignored.

Austin · 26th Nov 2011, 02:05 PM

I don't think what you're saying is true.

I think many of the people who frequent the support and health sections are surprisingly very giving of their time and energy to help people, including you, out. They don't have to do it. They aren't paid big bucks like psychologists... they don't charge you for doctor's appointments... they do it for free.

Now, other than the few people I am mentioning, the rest of the forum doesn't seem outrageously self absorbed. Just about the same as an average human being (Humans are selfish).

Although there is a billion question threads where people can go on to talk about themselves, and the creators usually only make the thread so they can answer the question themselves... but still!!! =O

Personally I avoid posting on many support threads for several reasons:

My own self-confidence issues makes me feel like I will be unable to help, and, even worse, have a detrimental effect... If someone is suicidal or something, it puts a lot of pressure on me to say the right thing. I figure there are plenty more experienced people here, so instead of saying the wrong thing I will let them help instead.

When there is 0 replies to a thread, I feel that it gets looked at more often. So instead of replying and wishing kind words, when there are no replies, I just leave it alone. Why? Because people looking at it, and seeing 1 or 2 replies may feel like the issue has been taken care of, and give it less priority or not respond at all.

FoxFire11 · 27th Nov 2011, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thecat06

I don't respond every thread that I read... but that's because I don't want to leave pointless advice, or act like I'm talking about something I know about when in fact I know nothing about it.

Agreed, if i could be genuinely helpful i would post a lot more.

Z3ni · 27th Nov 2011, 05:08 PM

How can people help if they are here looking for help theirselves, I think your just jumping to conclusions. I myself hardly offer help, because I haven't experienced it or lack confidence in helping the poster. I know that posting is better than not, but if I, myself think its a useless post, I don't see the point of posting it.

Besides I'm one of the posters who get hardly any responses, so I know how you feel

Just Passing · 28th Nov 2011, 07:05 AM

Sorry to hear about the situation OP, I've felt the same way about other forums in the past.

That being said, I think you might be looking at this a bit too harshly. Some people are very good at giving advice and can give it well, where as others could give advice, but might not be comfortable giving it to people whether it's down to lack of experience or otherwise.

There is a chance that there are self absorbed people on this forum. It's only natural and it makes us human. But I've been very fortunate to not run into anyone like that (save perhaps one, but that's an exception), but that wasn't to do with homosexuality whatsoever so I doubt it even counts.

24th Nov 2011, 08:45 AM	#1
rocking23 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 19 Posts: 452 Join Date: May 2008	Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I am beyond fed up with this site. I understand that the success of the forum relies heavily on the users who post. However, more importantly, it relies on users actually replying, and giving advice that is needed rather that using people's posts as a cinema to sit back and read: "There's always someone worse off than you, and here I can boost my own self-confidence." You can refute that all you want. But on a website with a user base of 13,000 members, I highly doubt I'm the only one who feels this way. Or who simply decided not to return to the website because of this reason. Sure, I admit it, I visit this website maybe once or twice every 2 weeks. And I usually only do when I am in need of advice, or in that mood to impart my own wisdom or experiences. Here's where I differ from other users. I don't simply read threads for the cinema (see point above) I actually come to reply and help. I sympathize that there may be posts outside of my expertise, but that doesn't stop me from sending my wishes, or giving what little I have. Most of the time, it's not the advice you have that the poster wants, it's the fact that the poster knows someone is listening and is there for them. More than just once do my pleas for advice go ignored. Really, 41 views and not a single reply. When I come to this site, I do so to be apart of the community. The posts users have especially in the Support forum are often ones that should NEVER be ignored and not have a single reply. I will no longer waste my time pouring my heart out in seek of advice and have nothing in return. Empty Closets, you have officially lost a member. And on very bad terms. I remember a time in the past when a friend came out to me and I recommended this site to him. Never again. You have burned a bridge with me. I was thinking of deleting my account, but that made me wonder, in doing so would my posts be deleted as well? This post needs to be read. This post needs to be seen by every user here who simply comes for a boost. Our problems are not your self-confidence boosters. How can users move on from this? I have said it earlier, but will reiterate it again: it's not the advice you have that the poster wants, it's the fact that the poster knows someone is listening and is there for them. And a view count to show that people are reading the post is not what I am speaking about. This will be my last post. I am sorry to future posters who I could have replied to and made them feel like their problems matter. Thank you to those who have read this. Hopefully you will look at your own actions on this site and realize that you could be alienating users, and causing more problems than solutions. Thank you.

24th Nov 2011, 08:59 AM	#2
Ben Was Invisible. EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Age: 20 Posts: 3,705 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. Hi Rocking23, It often takes a while for threads to get their first response. I've noticed that the thread you're talking about is your only one (save one other, which was not a support thread) which hasn't had any responses yet. Hold on a bit longer and I'm sure people will respond! Taking a look at the support and advice forum, out of over 10,000 threads, just over 100 have no responses, and three of them were only posted today (including yours). I think that's a pretty good record, don't you? Also, lots of the views each thread gets come from lurkers and search engine spiders. There are loads of great members here who dedicate a lot of their time to helping others. I think you might be making some unjustified assumptions about the community. Remember that you're free to use the chat room and write on people's walls. If you delete your account, your thread will still be visible. You're free and welcome to return whenever you wish, although you'll have to apply for full membership when you've established yourself on your new account. The old account cannot be retrieved. If you do decide to leave, then you have my best wishes for your future. Take care.

24th Nov 2011, 09:19 AM	#3
Fugs EC's Local Furry Full Member Gender: Female, trans M-F (Wishes she was a kitty) Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Bowling Green, OH Age: 18 Posts: 408 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I'm sorry you feel that way, but remember that today is a busy day for a lot of people, and not everyone that is usually on will have the time to help today just due to family coming over and the massive amount of cooking and cleaning that has to be done to set up. I understand that only the United States portion of the site has this today but that's still a good reason as to why you aren't getting support as quickly as you'd like. I'd be glad to help of course and will look for your thread while I have time before the folks get here. ^.^ __________________ We love youes! Please accept a hug from us so that we can give <( ^ω^)> (≧∇≦)/ (^O^)／ (^。^) (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ಠ_ರೃ your face the smile that everyone around you wants to see!

24th Nov 2011, 09:24 AM	#4
Connor22 Stopped being (as) vague Full Member Gender: yes Orientation: up the bender Out Status: burned Narnia :D Location: Norn Iron Age: 17 Posts: 1,547 Join Date: Nov 2009	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. try the chat room maybe? __________________ Kindness is a gift. Share it.

24th Nov 2011, 10:25 AM	#5
alan t EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: ontario, canada Age: 27 Posts: 340 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. a lot of people are shy, scared or anxious and read the posts to feel less alone but maybe aren't capable of making posts. it can be hard, even just to fill out the profile box with 'gay' or whatever. i don't think it's fair to judge based on the number of views.

24th Nov 2011, 12:54 PM	#6
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. Did you ever think that maybe the people who read and didn't reply were just never in your situation? Very few threads never get answers. You just keep trying. Although, honestly, I don't see why you had to post this. EC is probably one of the most amazing things in my life. Before EC, I was ready to commit suicide. EC helped me a lot. Small, yes, but being so close-knit is what makes us a family. My first thread got 4o-something views before the first comments. EC will always help you, it may just take sometime. You realize this if your on close to every day. __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

24th Nov 2011, 01:23 PM	#7
Veronica Princess of darkness Full Member Gender: Female (MtF) Orientation: ❤ women Out Status: A few friends Location: Europe Age: 35 Posts: 704 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I think if you expect everyone to jump to your immediate rescue, you're probably expecting too much. It is great that you do that with others, but if you only do that to save up good karma, I think you may be doing it for the wrong reason. I try to reply to threads where I have something to contribute, or just to acknowledge the OP. Most threads here fall outside my experience as I don't identify as most people here, though there are quite a few of us too. However I do that to help who I can because I understand the need people have to talk to someone. My motivation is empathy, not frequent flyer points. As pointed out: not getting a response is very rare. So I guess you're just frustrated because you need to talk about what it is that bothers you (I haven't seen your thread yet) and that's perfectly fine, and understandable. Just keep those things in mind before you start burning bridges. __________________ "When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."

24th Nov 2011, 02:30 PM	#8
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,551 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I'm sorry you feel this way about this site. As Ben said, it sometimes takes a while for someone to respond but almost every thread has some replies, sometimes it's just a waiting game. EC was built for support and advice and that's how we do things here. I think many members have found a lot of help they needed and that means we're doing our job. Of course we take your post very seriously, I don't think it speaks for the community as a whole. As a full member, you're allowed to use our chat room and post on members' walls as well as sending PMs. There are many means of communication on this site and if you wish to do so in the future, by all means do so. I'm sorry to hear you've decided to leave on these terms, but your posts will not be deleted even if you choose to delete your account. Take care and EC will be here if you choose to return. Best wishes. __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

25th Nov 2011, 08:53 AM	#9
djt820 Brutally Honest Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: DICKS EVERYWHERE Out Status: Like A Cock Slapping Your Face Kind-of Out. Location: SoCal Age: 19 Posts: 1,282 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. Also, take into consideration that this site is full of volunteers. They don't get paid to do any of this. Just because you don't receive a reply off the spot, doesn't mean it's the site's problem. Nothing can be perfect and up to your expectations all the time. And to be honest, if you seek advice and help, this site probably has the most efficiency you'll find in receiving advice and help. But you can't just expect a immediate response. Also, you have other means of communication, like others have said, to your disposal; PMing advisors, the chat room, etc. __________________

25th Nov 2011, 09:04 AM	#10
Josh S Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Kinsey 5-ish, leaning towards gay Out Status: Population, 4 Location: Central New York Age: 21 Posts: 129 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I do feel bad that I don't respond to most of the threads I've read so far, but it's not because I don't want to help or give anyone advice, rather I often feel that I cannot. Plus, I think a significant amount of the community here is made up of people who are still struggling with the basic issues of orientation/identity and, if like myself, they're fairly new here, they're just glad to have a place to speak out if they feel there's almost no one or nowhere else to go to. Personally, I hope that in time I'll be able to make more meaningful contributions to the forum, instead of being the pseudo-lurker that I am. :\| __________________ "We shall not cease from exploration / And the end of all our exploring / Will be to arrive where we started / And know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot

25th Nov 2011, 11:15 AM	#11
thecat06 EC's Biggest LNJF and SNL fan!! Full Member Gender: Let's say Pangender! Orientation: Let's say gay!! Out Status: Out to parents, campus, and 75 friends on facebook Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 19 Posts: 2,504 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I don't respond every thread that I read... but that's because I don't want to leave pointless advice, or act like I'm talking about something I know about when in fact I know nothing about it. __________________ So many years have passed, since I proclaimed my independence, my mission, my aim, and my vision, so secure, content to live each day like it's my last, it's wonderful to know, that I could be, something more than what I dreamed, far beyond what I could see -Dream Theater

25th Nov 2011, 02:44 PM	#13
crazyhead flying away Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Texas Age: 22 Posts: 247 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. In defense of myself, I don't read posts to boost my self esteem. My experience is limited, thus my advice is as well. I guess you and I are different in the sense that when I look for advice, if someone just says they're here for me, I'd say that doesn't help. And sometimes I know that any advice I could give would be very unhelpful. For example, if someone wants advice on being Christian while still being gay, my advice would be to be an atheist. But that's not what they want, so I leave it alone. I think you're jumping to unfair conclusions about the 41 people who viewed your post. __________________ "Dyin' is the day worth livin' for"

25th Nov 2011, 08:15 PM	#14
kellymporta EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: South America Age: 23 Posts: 265 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. In my case, I joined this site just a couple of days ago. However, I don't understand what you're saying because in this short time I've received so much help and support from EC. Personally I wish I could reply to more people in the forums, but right now I'm not in the best position to give advice (I'm still trying to accept that I'm not straight). Also, there are many threads in which I can't participate because I can't relate with the situation being discussed in the thread. I mean I'm just a gay guy, but this site is for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered people, and all other types of orientations and genders.

26th Nov 2011, 12:21 PM	#15
Colton Hit the Lights Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Any one who wants to know Location: California Age: 15 Posts: 1,210 Join Date: Jan 2010	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I understand what you mean, but please do understand, a majority of people on EC are here for help, and still have problems to work out themselves. I'm sure they are more worried about getting help as opposed to giving any at this specific time. __________________ "It's always been about me, myself, and I. I thought relationships were nothing but a waste of time. I never wanted to be anybody's other half. I was happy saying I know love, it wouldn't last." <3

26th Nov 2011, 12:55 PM	#16
Aielar Timmies Lover <3 Full Member Gender: Possibly bigendered? Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Vancouver Island Posts: 221 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. To be frank, I do not understand where you are coming from. I can acknowledge the desire to have support, but I do not comprehend why you expect it to be almost instantaneous. That is an unrealistic expectation, because people have lives outside of Empty Closet. I'm sure you would have gotten a response if you had waited even twelve more hours, because if you got 40 views you clearly weren't being ignored.

26th Nov 2011, 02:05 PM	#17
Austin Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people in my life. Location: Orange County, California, USA Age: 19 Posts: 1,790 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. I don't think what you're saying is true. I think many of the people who frequent the support and health sections are surprisingly very giving of their time and energy to help people, including you, out. They don't have to do it. They aren't paid big bucks like psychologists... they don't charge you for doctor's appointments... they do it for free. Now, other than the few people I am mentioning, the rest of the forum doesn't seem outrageously self absorbed. Just about the same as an average human being (Humans are selfish). Although there is a billion question threads where people can go on to talk about themselves, and the creators usually only make the thread so they can answer the question themselves... but still!!! =O Personally I avoid posting on many support threads for several reasons: My own self-confidence issues makes me feel like I will be unable to help, and, even worse, have a detrimental effect... If someone is suicidal or something, it puts a lot of pressure on me to say the right thing. I figure there are plenty more experienced people here, so instead of saying the wrong thing I will let them help instead. When there is 0 replies to a thread, I feel that it gets looked at more often. So instead of replying and wishing kind words, when there are no replies, I just leave it alone. Why? Because people looking at it, and seeing 1 or 2 replies may feel like the issue has been taken care of, and give it less priority or not respond at all. __________________ Can I sail through the changing ocean tides, can I handle the seasons of my life? Last edited by Austin; 26th Nov 2011 at 02:09 PM..

27th Nov 2011, 05:08 PM	#19
Z3ni Ec's ADD Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gayish Out Status: My Twin Location: England, Manchester Posts: 3,083 Join Date: Oct 2008	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. How can people help if they are here looking for help theirselves, I think your just jumping to conclusions. I myself hardly offer help, because I haven't experienced it or lack confidence in helping the poster. I know that posting is better than not, but if I, myself think its a useless post, I don't see the point of posting it. Besides I'm one of the posters who get hardly any responses, so I know how you feel

28th Nov 2011, 07:05 AM	#20
Just Passing EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Almost there Location: West Midlands Age: 20 Posts: 513 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Users are very self absorbed. You have lost a member. Sorry to hear about the situation OP, I've felt the same way about other forums in the past. That being said, I think you might be looking at this a bit too harshly. Some people are very good at giving advice and can give it well, where as others could give advice, but might not be comfortable giving it to people whether it's down to lack of experience or otherwise. There is a chance that there are self absorbed people on this forum. It's only natural and it makes us human. But I've been very fortunate to not run into anyone like that (save perhaps one, but that's an exception), but that wasn't to do with homosexuality whatsoever so I doubt it even counts. __________________ Meh.