Hetalia Fanfiction

I'm writing a hetalia fanficiton and I was wondering what you think? I've only done part of the first chapter (so far at 1030 words), but I would still like to know how I've done so far.

Basically I drew a picture and basically it's a fanfiction to explain the picture. (Although since I'm no where near done the fanficiton here's essentially what's happened in the image:-

Germany has been going out with Italy for a while and the pain of losing Germany has hurt Japan dearly. He finds himself unable to sleep at night, thinking of Germany. But now the pain is taking its toll on Japan so hes desided to stop the pain at its source: he decides to rip out his own heart so he no longer feels hurt or love for Germany. Japan died shortly after as he took out his heart: he couldn't live without Germany.

and now the fanfiction:

Kiku was walking up to Feliciano’s house. He felt nervous but that wasn’t exactly new, he’d always felt like this when he went to see anyone, although you normally couldn’t tell by his almost expressionless exterior. In reality his heart was pounding, he could feel his sweat glands waking up and every foot step seemed like an eternity. Eventually he managed to reach the door. Kiku hoped that Feliciano wouldn’t be too long, for some reason he always felt stupid standing outside of someone’s door, almost as if he was about to put up a performance for a play. The door opened but it wasn’t Feliciano who opened the door, it was Ludwig, who was wearing a towel. ‘Why did he have to be here?’ Kiku thought. Not that he didn’t like Ludwig, in fact it was quite the opposite: Kiku considered Ludwig his best friend. Kiku just stood there unable to speak as Ludwig looked at him as if he had a stupid look on his face.
“Oh, Japan! Vhat are you doing here?” asked Ludwig, clearly unaware of how his being shirtless was effecting Kiku. It took a few more seconds before Kiku could answered Ludwig.
“Oh Ludwig! I came here to see Italy, is he around?” asked Kiku trying to avert his eye from Ludwig’s muscular chest.
“Sure, one sec. Italy!” Ludwig called.
It wasn’t long before Kiku saw Feliciano rush down the stairs, chipper as ever.
“Oh Japan! What bring you here? Pasta?” this question didn’t surprise Kiku at all.
“Sure...” Kiku lied “can I come in?”
“Of course, come in. Don’t be scared of the big Germany.” Feliciano joked as he waved for Kiku to enter his house. Kiku entered Feliciano’s house, taking off his shoes as he did at anyone’s house. He didn’t fail to notice Ludwig’s eyes and their constant observation of Kiku.
“Come in, come in.” Feliciano beckoned, indicating Kiku to sit at the table. In the centre was a bowl of pasta made of wax. Kiku sat down, feeling slightly uncomfortable as Ludwig’s eyes hadn’t left him since he entered Feliciano’s house. Ludwig sat down opposite from Kiku, Ludwig looked serious, or as much as he could be topless.
“Everything okay Germany?” Kiku asked cautiously trying to give Ludwig eye contact but simply couldn’t as Ludwig’s face looked so serious. Kiku felt his face begin to blush, something that rarely happened.
“Ya… but somethin’ seems different. Vhat is it?” Ludwig asked now staring directly into Kiku’s brown eyes. Honestly Kiku had no idea what Ludwig was talking about, besides from Ludwig staring at him he felt fine. To avoid Ludwig’s gaze, Kiku faced the kitchen in hopes that any second now Feliciano would burst out the kitchen with a big bowl of pasta. Luckily his wish was granted
“Here you go Japan, Germany…” said Feliciano placing the bowl on the table but trailing off as he said Ludwig’s name. Feliciano then sat down next to Ludwig. “All right everybody dig in!” Feliciano invited, almost immediately after there was a blur and Feliciano’s food was gone, the only evidence of there once being food there was the spaghetti bolognese that remained on the sides of his bowl. Ludwig and Kiku on the other hand took their time, Ludwig didn’t take his blue eyes off Kiku. And Kiku was beginning to feel uncomfortable being the centre of Ludwig’s attention.
“Germany, you okay? Is there something on Japan’s face?” Feliciano asked, noticing Ludwig staring at Kiku.
“Vhat?” asked Ludwig, shaking his head as if he’d just come out of a trance. “Oh, nein. I vas just thinking was all.” he answered as he began to blush
“Okay.” Feliciano replied completely unaware of Ludwig’s almost tomato red face. Both Ludwig and Kiku then began to focus on their food as to not attract any more of Feliciano’s attention. Then Kiku noticed something strange- Ludwig turned his head from his bowl to face Feliciano and then he cracked a grin, then Feliciano turned his head and noticed Ludwig and his not so discreet grin and began blushing.
“What is it Germany? Do I have something on my face?” asked Feliciano frantically beginning to wipe his face with a napkin.
“No!” answered Ludwig quickly turning his head to face his plate again. His face beginning to go red again. Occasionally stealing a glance at Feliciano. In all this time Kiku had only just noticed that Ludwig was still only wearing a towel…
‘Rather odd… but okay: it’s Germany after all’ he thought, although his face did begin to smile whenever he so much as looked at Ludwig and his muscular abs, pecks, deltoids and biceps. Kiku finished his small portion of pasta last. Ludwig had now returned to staring at Kiku however now being less obvious about it. After dinner, Feliciano invited the two into the living room. However Ludwig had ran upstairs probably to go to the toilet or something but he returned soon with his tank-top on and his shorts and cap.
‘Is he sleeping over?!’ Kiku thought, feeling an odd sensation his stomach, although he couldn’t identify what it was, he just felt like slapping Ludwig right across the face. Although since he couldn’t find a good reason to, he just ignored that seemingly irrational desire.
“Okay, what do you two want to play: cludo (pasta version) or monopoly (with different types of pasta as the figures)?” Feliciano asked.
“Or we could play Nintendo?” suggested Kiku, holding up three wii remotes.
“Or we could just go for a drive, I’d like to get out for a bit, ya?” suggested Ludwig
“No!” said Kiku practically yelling. He remembered the last time he went on a car ride with Feliciano. He didn’t want to risk his life again.
“Why not?” Ludwig asked, slightly offended as he was not given a reason.
“You would be too if you knew how Italy drives.”
“Vell, I would be driving.” mentioned Ludwig.
“Oh… okay then… I suppose” said Kiku, feeling as though he made an arse out of himself.
“Hmm… okay…” replied Italy sounding a bit upset.
The three of them then walked outside and sat in Ludwig’s car. Ludwig turned on the ignition and off they went.

 

Ahh okay, well I already knew that about the hands... I'm just terible at them (my feet are worse though)

Although for the names of the countries I'm trying to make it so that
out of speech= human names
in speech= country names
... although I think when it comes to the end (i.e. the picture) I think I'll use the human names to show that in the end he will die as a human as love is a human emotion... or as Sherlock would say a "human error".

also just so you know it's only like that cause I copied and pasted it from it's word document.

I'm not really into Hetalia but I RP Japan in my group of friends so... also I've kinda been going through a similar thing irl so that's what the inspiration was.
Although thankyou for your feed back
ありがとうございます