Would you want to read the rest of this?

Please be honest, also this is just a rough draft. This isn't the whole chapter btw.
Chapter 1: The Scene That Never Was
I smelt something off about them, the roses. I couldn’t really tell what it was, but it was repulsive. Something about them, maybe it was the smell, made me want to run. Really run. It was almost like someone was pushing me. Maybe someone was, I don’t really know, but anyway that’s why I did it. That’s why I pushed through the rose bush. I guess it wasn’t significant to me at the time. Obviously I had felt the blood on my arms, and I had seen the cuts. Just three. One long, two short. But my mind didn’t really give a shit. So I had kept running. I didn’t know why, but something told me not to ask. I mean, who would answer anyway. So I ran, like an idiot, like a pawn, I ran. I was too dense at the time to notice, but the path I was taking was unnervingly clear. It seemed that the hellhole was making way for me.
I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. And then, inevitably, I couldn’t run anymore. Again, looking back it almost seemed planned. It seems like a normal occurrence, but I wasn’t out of breath. I just couldn’t run anymore. Like I was a sim and someone had canceled my action. That sounds stupid to say, but in truth that’s the only way to describe it. That’s the only way to describe that feeling.
It was a desert, the place I had stopped at, and I was standing on the edge of a cliff. Well a ledge would better describe it actually. Anyway, it was overlooking this dark void-like Grand-Canyon-sized pit. And suddenly, it happened again. That pushing feeling, terrible feeling, and I fell. Or rather, jumped.
It wasn’t bad, actually. It was actually kind of perfect. All of my comforts, my hopes, and my dreams played beside me as I fell to my death. It was… my death pit. Scenes of a life I wanted to be apart of flashed before my eyes. I had grown up a parent, I could speak 7 languages, I could taste that damn chocolate cheesecake my mom always made for me, and my brother, my family was…it was heaven, and the fact that it would end was hell.
My body hit the ground with a thud, but I couldn’t feel a thing. My death pit wasn’t really my death pit after all, but there was no relief. I began to sob. All of those
things, those visions, were all illusions. Perfection wasn’t real. Danny was still dead, and it was sugarcoated and flaunted in my face.
I had not stopped; I could not have stopped crying, until I felt something vaguely familiar touch my back. And then I looked up. Maybe it was a mistake, but I did it anyway, stupidly. Immediately, my gaze froze. He was… Danny was…standing right there. He was wearing that same t-shirt and those same jeans from the night when he came to moronically pick me up, and his glasses were cracked. They were pressing down his light brown hair that was considerably more mangled since the last time I had seen him, but he was still, unmistakably, Danny.
“Listen,” he said, “I’m sorry. I know it was bad timing. I didn’t mean for it to affect you, I didn’t mean for it to affect them, but you have to listen to me now, do you understand? Even if it doesn’t make sense, ok?” Slowly, I nodded my head.
“There’s a girl named Veronica,” he said, “you have to trust her. She knows who you are and she’ll explain what you need to do for me. She’ll find you but you have to trust her, ok?” I was confused, very confused, but his brown eyes had begun to fill with tears.
“Ok,” I said.
“I have about 10 seconds before they discover I’ve tried to contact anyone else,” said Danny, “Good-bye and…”
He handed me a golden necklace, no, a locket, I smiled slipping it on my neck.
And then he was gone.
And then I woke up.
I sighed, somewhat relieved, somewhat disappointed, I had brought my arms up to my face to push back my hair, a normal action.
That’s when I noticed them. The cuts. Just three. One long, two short. Shaking, I brought my hand to my neck. It was there. The golden locket was there.

 

Thanx ! Yeah I should probably make that more clear. The idea throughout the first pages (aka what I had posted) is that she(I don't really know her gender, but I get feminine pronoun feelings from her) is being controlled through her dreams. The thought of losing control is what terrified her, and the pit sorta simulates what she wishes for as she falls. But when she lands it was almost as if reality hits instead of death. And again thank you so much for the constructive criticism and for telling me what you think! It's a big help with revision.

---------- Post added 10th Dec 2014 at 10:29 PM ----------

p.s: he's still got potato girl running?!?

---------- Post added 10th Dec 2014 at 10:38 PM ----------

Ok, lol. Maybe I'll post progress of the rough draft on this thread, for more feed-back. My friend all have 5 second attention spans and my parents are biased so it would be really helpful!:lol:

---------- Post added 10th Dec 2014 at 10:44 PM ----------

Yay! Thanks