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Here It Is!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Entertainment and Technology' started by vampireboy56, Nov 13, 2008.

  1. vampireboy56

    vampireboy56 Guest

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    Ok it's not finished but this is it so far


    Chapter 1
    First Day
    I sat in the black cloth seats of the Los Angeles Airport, as my parents sat next to me. The time was passing by as we waited for the plane to land.
    I looked at my arm there were several scars that stretched across my arm, to some they were scars to me they were painful, permanent reminders of the previous life I had once lived.
    It was not my parent’s choice for me to leave Los Angeles, it was my own, I had to get away while I could. Moving to Mariposa was a something that saved my life.
    When I thought my secret was safe, I thought wrong, the word had spread throughout the cliques and then to inevitably the football team.
    The four weeks before my move to Mariposa were the worst of my fourteen years of life. I was harassed daily by people I didn’t even know, my friends turned against me, in fact the only friend I had Aaron committed suicide a week before my departure, he slashed his wrists.
    The last week in Los Angeles I was gang-beaten to the point where I was nearly dead, then a note was left on my front door “If you ever show your face in school you’re going to be shot.” It was then that my parents contacted my aunt and uncle.
    Jonathan and Angie used to visit my family every Christmas. They would show us photos of the town and the people who lived there. Sometimes we’d see pictures of wildlife like wolves, snakes, deer or whatever happened to be there.
    Sitting in the airport was agonizing, I was going to really miss Los Angeles a lot but at the same time I was very eager to leave, I had the opportunity to start with a fresh slate, how many people get a chance to do that in their lives?
    “Be sure that you thank Jonathan and Angie when you get there.” My mom said. “I will.” I said. “And…Jacob be careful of who you tell.” My dad added. “I know” I said.
    There was an awkward silence until a woman’s voice came over the PA. “Flight 345 Los Angeles to Mariposa is now boarding.” “That’s me.” I spoke standing up.
    My mother stood up next to me, tears welling up. My father wrapped his arm around my mom’s waist. I hugged my mom tightly, and then my dad. “I love you.” I said holding back down my tears.
    I then let go and walked towards the attendant by the door. I handed her my ticket them walked in the passageway towards the plane. A feeling of nervousness and excitement entered my stomach as I sat down in my seat.
    About five minutes passed and the pilot’s voice came on, “Welcome flyers, today we will be going from Los Angeles to Mariposa, the temperature in Mariposa is currently fifty-three degrees and it is cloudy with a ninety-nine percent of rain. So sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.” He said.
    I smiled to myself as the plane began to go down the runway, then it flew into the air. I stared out the window as the buildings and landforms grew small.
    I dug the IPOD out of my pocket, and placed the earphones in my ears and let the music fill my ears. I was halfway through my playlist when the plane landed in the runway and then came to a stop.
    Then I stepped off the plane and walked into the terminal. I looked around until I saw my aunt Angie stand up, my aunt Angie was the tallest person in my family, she’s six foot three, while her husband, my uncle whom I look like too much stands at five twelve.
    I had a resentment when I saw my uncle Jonathan, or as I’m supposed to call him, “Dad”. Sixteen years ago before my aunt and uncle got married, my mom cheated on my dad with my uncle and nine months later I came into the world.
    Angie and Jonathan walked towards me, I tried to keep my gaze only towards Angie. She gave me tight hug, “Jacob, how are you?” She asked. “Good.” I said. Jonathan stepped forward, “Jake, it’s great to have you here.” He said shaking my hand. “It’s great being here.” I responded.
    There was an awkward silence as we walked out of the airport. Rain was drizzling when we got to their house; it was how I remembered it from my many visits from before, it was now shrouded by darkness and rain.
    Jonathan and Angie got the message when I walked up the stairs and down the hall and pulled open the door. I recognized the room as my guest room.
    The room was painted a light grey, two windows that faced the woods were across the room, and a queen sized bed was against the wall, then there was a desk to the left of my bed, with the same small lamp and a DELL computer that they put there for my amusement.
    I set my bags on my bed and opened them, I pulled out most of my clothes and opened the drawers and stuffed them inside. After I slid the bags underneath my bed.
    I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light, I turned on the water and splashed some water on my face. Then I turned on the shower, I lingered and let the water unknot the muscles in my back.
    I stared at my arms, there were scars from my wrist to my elbow. I looked at my chest, there was a scar across my chest. I tried to scrub them off but they were there permenantly.
    I stepped out of the shower and dried off, then got into my light sweatpants and a long white T-shirt then crawled into bed. I tried sleeping by the constant pounding pf the rain of the roof of the house kept me awake.
    I pulled the pillow over my head, then I shut my eyes and tried to muffle the sound of the rain, then I fell asleep. Then towards the middle of the night the rain had gone from a heavy pour to a light sprinkling.
    I was awoken by the sound of the rain thundering against the window and house. The sky was grey and the clouds opaque when we walked across the lawn towards the green SUV.
    I stared out the window as we drove through town the rain splashed against the car windows. We pulled into the school hallway, the parking lot was filled with cars, the students must be inside.
    “Have a good day.” She said as I climbed out of the car. The icy air blasted into my face as I walked towards the administration building which was at the end of a stone-lined path.
    I pushed open the door, the administration building was big, there was a hallway leading to other offices, but the main room was sliced in a fourth by a cubicle, I walked towards the eggshell ehite desk where a woman sat writing.
    I cleared my throat, she looked up “How may I help you?” She asked. “Yes, I’m Jake Ventis.” I replied. “Oh, welcome Jacob.” She replied digging through a pile of papers stacked on her desk. I grimiced when she called me “Jacob” I hated when people called me that, I mean what’s so bad about Jake?
    She handed some slightly wrinkled papers, there was my schedule, map of the school, and forms for Jonathan and Angie to fill out. I thanked her and walked out of the building.
    I walked down the sidewalk towards the large school, in grey letters at the front read “Mariposa County High School” I gulped and took a deep breath as I pulled open the doors.
    Students lined the yellow and white tiled floors, they were chatting with their friends, almost all of them gawked at me as I walked towards the staircase at the end of the hallway.
    I looked at my schedule “Mrs. Main-209 Homeroom”. I trudged up the stairs and walked down the less-empty hallway towards room 209. The warm air greeted me as I walked in, the room seemed to go dead quiet when I walked into the classroom.
    Many eyes followed me as I walked towards Mrs. Main’s desk. Mrs. Main had grey hair, and green eyes, she looked at me like everyone else in the damn classroom as she pointed at a empty seat in the middle of the room.
    I walked down the aisle towards my seat, I set my backpack on the ground and sank into my seat. The people around me continued their conversations, no one bothered to welcome me.
    The bell rang a low drone, and everyone took their seats. The P.A. buzzed on, “Good morning students, I hope everyone’s weekend was enjoyable. Remember freshman that sign-ups for basketball are today after lunch in the art room. Track practice is canceled due to the rain. More announcements.” The voice said,
    Another voice came on, a girl’s voice “The anime club will be meeting today, be prepared to read your stories, remember no yoai until March. More announcements” She said.
    A boy’s voice came on next, “Attention this is Robbie your ASB president we would like to welcome a new student at Mariposa High.”
    He started, as my cheeks turned a bright pink. “Jacob Vent-ice.” He concluded.
    Then the P.A. buzzed off. “Jacob, stand up and introduce yourself.” Mrs. Main suggested from behind her desk. I could feel the stares of my classmates and I slowly rose in my seat.
    I gulped, “I-I’m from Los Angeles…and….that’s it.” I mumbled my cheeks turning a bright red, as I slowly sank back into my seat, several people laughed as I pulled up my hood and sank further into my desks.
    I spent the remainder of homeroom staring at my schedule. When the bell rang I grabbed my backpack and rushed out of the room. I looked at my schedule “Geography-Mrs. Talley Room 217” I looked at the map, rooms 217 and 218 were in another part of the school.
    I walked out the back door of the school, the rain was still pouring down, as I ran across the soccer field towards a small building which several students were walking into.
    I pulled open the silver door and walked down the hall, I caught the door before it closed. The room was warm but the stares from the students were not. They watched me as I walked towards a seat in the back.
    There was a momentary silence, then the teacher began talking. The lesson was something I already learned, the study of culture. I dozed off until the bell rang.
    “Mr. Ventis?” Mrs. Talley began. “Yes?” I replied approaching her desk. “Here is the textbook you’ll be needing this year.” She said handing me a thick purple text book. “Thank you.” I said placing the book inside my backpack.
    She smiled and I walked out of the class room towards my third class “Spanish with Mrs. Cohen”. Spanish was my best subject back in Los Angeles. As I walked towards the classroom I tried to place myself back in Los Angeles before the bullying.
    I could almost feel the warmth of the sun, but then I could feel the blood that was spilled on my arms a week before I left Los Angeles after I cut them with a razor I found in my parent’s medicine cabinet several times.
    As the day slowly morphed to lunch I hid in the bathroom. Tears fell down my cheeks, as I tried to silence them while boys came in and out.
    I spent the last two periods in the back of the room. When school ended I ran home, when I got upstairs I threw my bag down and buried my face in my pillow and cried until my throat was hoarse and my eyes seared red.
    After my tear ducts were dry I walked towards the bathroom, I turned on the sink and splashed my face with some of the water. Then I walked back to my bed. I pulled the covers over my head and shut my eyes and fell asleep.
    When my eyes opened, it was darker than before. Rain was pouring from the sky. I pulled off the covers and walked out of my room. The house was quiet when I walked downstairs
    I walked down towards the refrigerator and pulled open the door. I pulled out a bottle of orange juice. I pulled it open and took a sip, the cool drink was a relief for my throat.
    I walked towards the glass door, sitting on the back porch was a brown wolf, it was just staring at me through the glass door. My first instinct was to call Jonathan or Angie down here but it was late so I walked away from the door.
    When I got upstairs I finished the orange juice then brushed my teeth. I then changed into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and crawled into bed.
    The night passed quickly, and the sun rose. My room was lite brightly and one percent of me thought that this may be a good sign that someone might talk to me today.
    I pulled the covers off of me and walked towards the bathroom. I turned on the shower, got undressed and stepped into the shower. I lingered in the shower for about five minutes then dried off.
    I pulled out a pair of khaki shorts and a shirt, and pulled them on. I walked down the stairs towards the breakfast table. I pulled a bowl from the cabinet and a box of cereal from the cupboard. I quickly ate my breakfast then ran back upstairs.
    I didn’t really understand why I was so eager to get to school, I think the sunshine and my little ray of hope had expanded into a beam of hope.
    When we reached the parking lot of the school I said goodbye to Angie and walked into school. The atmosphere was somewhat less intimidated than yesterday. When I walked down the hall not that many people gawked at me but just casually waved and smiled.
    When I got into homeroom people no longer at me not like I was from the planet Mars but like someone from Mariposa. I sat down in the middle of the classroom.
    “You’re the new kid, right?” A voice said next to me. I looked to see a boy with wavy blond hair, and light blue eyes. “Yeah.” I replied. “I’m Sam.” He said extending his arm. “Jake.” I replied shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.” He said. “You too.” I commented.
    “So, when did you get here?” He asked. “In Mariposa? Or school?” I asked. “Both.” He said. “I got in Mariposa about five days ago, and my first day was yesterday.” I answered.
    “You were here yesterday?” He asked. “Yeah, I was kinda anti-social.” I answered. Sam’s cheeks began to turn a light pink in embarrassment. The bell rang and Sam took his seat next to me as Mrs. Main came into the room.
    “Alright, FAD is having a rally after homeroom so there will be no Period seven.” She said taking a seat at her desk. “What’s fad?” I whispered to Sam. “Friends against drugs.” Sam whispered back.
    The rest of homeroom I spent talking to Sam. “So, how do you like Mariposa?” He asked while we walked towards the auditorium. “It’s nice, there’s a lot of wildlife.” I commented.
    “Wolves are everywhere.” Sam said. “There was one on my back porch.” I remembered. “Yeah they’re everywhere, but they don’t hurt anyone.” I said.
    We sat down with a few other people as the rally began. About fifteen sophomores came running out with red T-shirts, red wristbands, and they were cheering.
    “Hey everyone! Do you pledge to be drug-free?” A girl shouted through a bullhorn. The crowd cheered loudly. The rally was just cheering, then after we walked over to our lockers and went to our classes.
    “What class do you have now?” Sam asked me when we were at my locker. “Geography. You?” I answered. “Darn, Health Science.” He said. The bell rang and we said our bye before walking the opposite way towards our classes.
    Geography was boring, we were finishing up the previous lesson. I doodled on my notebook for the whole period. I met up with Sam at break and he introduced me to a few of his friends, Mallory, she has sparkling blue eyes and long brown hair, Evelyn who had long black hair and green eyes and Aries, Evelyn’s boyfriend, he was rail thin with black hair and pale grey eyes.
    At lunch I sat with Sam and his friends, “It’s too bad Ryan is sick, he would really like you.” Sam said. “Who’s Ryan?” I asked. It was after that question that he came into the lunchroom. Everything around me morphed into slow motion.
    Everything was quiet except the pulse beat in the side of my head. He had light brown hair that curled at his ears and just above his eyebrows, his skin was ivory white, his face was carved so perfectly, it made the David look like a lump of clay. My mouth was agape when the world morphed back to normal. “Hey guys.” He said in a too-perfect voice. He slid his backpack off his shoulders when he sat down next to me.
    “Jake?” Sam’s voice faintly echoed into my ears. “Huh?” I said still gazing at this beautiful boy next to me. “Jake.” Sam repeated his voice much clearer. “Yeah.” I spoke coming out of my daze.
    “This is Ryan.” Sam said. He turned to me, he flashed me his brilliantly white teeth. “Pleasure.” He said again in his perfect voice. “H-Hi.” I stammered
    Ryan took a deep breath then he suddenly stood up, “I have to go.” He said walking out of the cafeteria. “Did I say something?” I asked. Sam just shrugged, Mallory shrugged, Evie and Aries were too busy kissing to even notice.
    “Anyway, why did you decide to move here?” Mallory asked. I shut my eyes and I suddenly could see it all of it again the group of guys in a circle chanting “Faggot!” while some of them kicked and punched me. I could see me dragging the razor across m skin and watching the crimson liquid leaked from my arm. Then everything grew dark as I fell backwards to the floor. Then I remember waking up in the hospital, hearing my mother sob.
    Then I remember packing my suitcases and driving to LAX. I opened my eyes again to see Mallory, Sam, Evelyn and Aries looking at me in confusion.
    “I’m sorry, that’s something I don’t really feel comfortable talking about.” I said. “Oh…sorry.” Mallory said. “It’s okay.” I responded. The rest of lunch was spent in silence.
    When I walked to fourth period which was Health Science I saw Ryan in the hallway reaching in his locker, I took a deep breath and walked towards him, I think he saw me because when I almost said something he slammed his locker shut and walked swiftly down the hall.
    A feeling of rejection landed in my stomach, it was a feeling I had felt so many times before. I walked down the hall towards the health science room, I saw Ryan sitting behind one of the black marble countertops.
    The bell rang, and the rest of the class filed in. Dr. Harjani came into the room, “All right students take your seats.” He said in a Hindi accent. I walked to the only open seat next to Ryan.
    I set my Health Science book on the counter, he ignored me. Dr. Harjani passed by our table with two packets. “What are we doing today? We are dissecting frogs.” He said placing a cookie sheet in front of us with a frog lying in the middle of it.
    I passed one packet to Ryan who swiftly snatched it from my hand. The feeling came back as I stared down at my packet. He placed a scapel next to the cookie sheet.
    “First I want you to slice open the abdomen. A feeling of naseua entered my stomach. I placed the scapula in my already shaking hand. I looked at Ryan, he was staring down at his packet.
    I slowly sliced open the abdomen and the juice from its stomach poured from its stomach. I gagged as the intestines came into view. I stood up and my packet fell to the floor, I slipped on my packet and grabbed the closest thing which happened to be the frog juice tray which flipped and the tray frog and all spilled onto me.
    People started laughing as I quickly threw the frog off of me and I ran out of the classroom, I didn’t care where I was going I wanted to get away, I ran into the bathroom, I splashed water onto my face trying to get the stench of frog guts off of me.
    When the final bell rang, I ran back home bumping to people as I made my way down the sidewalk. Tears streamed down my face as I stormed in my room.
    I turned on the shower and undressed, I let the water wash the smell of frog juice and the day off of me. I dried myself off and sat down on my bed, I pulled my Ipod out of my dresser and place the headphones in my ears.
    I let the music seep inside my brain, and I shut my eyes. When I reopened my eyes, it felt myself in a daze. I walked into the bathroom and splashed water on my eyes.
    Then I walked downstairs, the house was empty as I expected. Since I was twelve whenever I visited I was usually alone, Angie was a nurse at the Mariposa Memorial Hospital and Jonathan worked as a real estate agent so they weren’t home till late at night.
    I walked into the kitchen and scanned the shelves, I pulled out two platic-wrapped pieces of cheese, a stick of butter, and set them on the counter. I walked towards the pantry and pulled it open, as I expected it was almost empty, there were few bags of chips some of which were expired, and half of a loaf of bread.
    I pulled the bread out and pulled out two slices. As I waited for the oven to heat I turned on the TV in the living room. Not much was on except the news, I decided to watch the news as I cooked.
    When I was melted the butter, a breaking news card flashed on the screen. I half-looked and half-listened as I placed the bread on the stove. “Mayor Anthony Adams has called a meeting today at town hall about the recent murders that have plagued our town for two weeks. But this is not the first time our small town has been plagued by grisly murders, fourteen years ago, three babies were taken from their homes in the dead of night and mauled by wolves, or their heads were torn off. Fourteen years later however three fourteen years three teenage boys around the ages of fourteen and fifteen hae been found dead in the woods. Mayor Adams is issueing a county-wide curfew for all teenagers set to begin on November 15th. For more information log onto www.mariposasevennews.org slash breaking news.” The newswoman reported.
    I was taken out of my stupor when I smelt cheese burning. I looked down at my grilled cheese sandwich, which almost brunt to a crisp. I grabbed a spatula and picked it up, then I pulled a plate from the cupboard and placed the sandwich on the plate.
    I sat down at the kitchen table and watched the remainder of the news while I ate. After I washed down the sandwich with a glass of milk, I washed my dishes and then went back upstairs.
    I sat down at my desk and turned on the computer. I logged into my e-mail, I had one new message, from my mom.
    Jacob,
    How are you? How’s school? Are you doing your homework? Are you paying attention in class? There is some good news, the police tracked down the people who wrote that note and they’re going to juvenile trial in a few days. Aaron’s funeral is tomorrow, I’ll tell your friends you said “Hi”. Write me back when you get this.
    I hit reply and typed in

    Hey Mom,
    Everything is fine. School is…well school. I made a few friends you could say. I’ve been doing all my homework, still keeping my 3.0. It’s great to hear about the police finding those guys, also at the funeral offer Aaron’s parents my condolences. Love you.

    I missed my crazy mother and my sane father. I walked towards my bed, as the rumbling of thunder sounded in the distance.
    I stared at the celing, the flash of thunder lit up my room. Then the sound of rain filled my ears. I looked at the clock, it was six-fifteen. I opened my backpack, and pulled out my Geography textbook.
    It was seven when I finished the review questions, and I heard a tapping at my window, like someone was outside. I walked towards my window, I looked outside to see Sam standing below my window, wearing a black hoodie, he waved for me to come down.
    I walked to my closet and grabbed my jacket and walked down the stairs, and out the backdoor. “Hello.” He said. “How do you know where I live?” I asked eyeing him suspiciously. “Please, this is such a small town, we know where everyone lives.” Sam said
    There was an awkward silence, “So, do you want to go into town with me and my sister?” He asked breaking the silence. “Sure.” I responded.
    Sam led the way into town, it was bright. Sam led me into a diner that was in the center of town. It was warm and 70’s music was playing over the speakers. Sam pulled off his jacket as we walked towards a booth towards the back.
    Sitting wit her back to us was a girl who looked exactly like Sam, she had blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, her skin was tan and her eyes were a crystal-blue.
    We sat across from her, “Jake, this is Anna my sister.” Sam said. “Hi.” I said. “Hi.” She replied in a honey-sweet voice.


    Comments welcome
     
  2. First of all, this part literally made me lol: "stands at five twelve." You realize that five feet twelve inches is six feet, right?
    Other comments: It's very reminiscent of Twilight. Towards the latter half of the chapter, there is better flow; the first part is a little off. It moves very quickly, more like a journal than a book, IMO. Don't really know what else to say...
     
  3. velvetvamp

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    wow this is really good, I was hooked after the first two paragraphs. Will you be writing more?
     
  4. No One

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    Yea i must agree it is great but it needs to be edited by someone else because you wont always see your mistakes i would be glad to do it for you if you want. other than that its great i cant wait to read more!
     
  5. Amy

    Amy
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    *jumps up and down excitedly*

    I want to edit it!!! Pick me, pick me!

    There are some mistakes and the tense switches back and forth a bit, but I like it alot.
     
  6. Some helpful hints:
    When two parts of a sentence could be sentences by themselves, don't separate them with a comma; separate them with a semicolon. Like that sentence right there. DO NOT make compound sentences out of more than two individual sentences- you have a tendency to write several sentences separated by commas. That is bad.

    "When people are engaging in a conversation, give each separate person his or her own line. Also, quotes that are statements or commands don't end in periods. They end in commas," I said.
    "And when you denote who said each line, don't capitalize the word following the quote," he said.

    Try using words besides then. You also don't need as many thens or then-alternatives as you have. It's understood that most books have a chronological sequence of events.

    Otherwise, it's good so far! You have some good imagery in parts, as well. Keep writing :slight_smile: