Hourglass

A new story. It's actually a snippet of one of my other stories, but changed around alot so it fits into a short. Very sappy towards the end.

-Hourglass-
Tyler had grown accustomed to life at The Hospital since his lover's incarceration many months ago.
He often thought of the place as a prison. The sterile white hallways and floors seemed ghastly. The windows on some levels had bars, and the ones that didn't were too high to offer an escape. Inmates wore the same humiliating uniform day in and day out. Nurses like guards always donned the same drab blue scrubs that seemed to give them air of superiority. They controlled the inmate. The worst, in his mind, were the doctors- the prison wardens- who refused to allow his lover the simplest comforts.
Then there were the inmates. Some guilty, some innocent, everyone treated on the same plane. Maybe a few deserved their pain and incarceration here. Many should be set free, whether in life, sedative haze, or death. That was one way in which this prison was different, Tyler figured. Death wasn't a penalty. It was either avoided or desired.
Though he lacked the standard prison gown, Tyler felt he was trapped as well. His love for Clayton had kept him handcuffed to his bedside, and though at times he longed for his own bed and his own cooking, he knew he could never leave. Time, especially now, was precious...
He decided he thought too much.

Tyler turned his attention to his lover once more, who's pale, sleeping form was facing him. His hand rested just over Clayton's head, his arm alongside his lover's. He'd spent many nights in this position, body on his chair, head next to Clayton's, unable to sleep without his sweet scent.
Tyler surveyed his lover. Clayton was a handsome man by nature. He possessed brilliant jade eyes, thick red hair, childish freckles...his lips were obscenely perfect in their shape and shell-pink colorization, his skin, though naturally pale, held a glow. His body stood 6'1'', and though he was (naturally) very thin, he maintained muscle tone.
Now, he looked...different. Tyler still thought of him as the most handsome man he'd ever known, but time and disease had taken it's toll. His skin had lost it's glow and become ghastly white. His luxurious red hair had fallen out in clumps many months ago. (Tyler still remembered the First Time, 5 years ago, when Clayton discovered his hair on the pillow. He cried for hours.) His lips had faded to a dull pink with a snowy coating. His body wasted to a mere 97 pounds. The only thing that hadn't deteriorated to barely-there were his eyes. The emrald remained brilliant, and Tyler suspected that this was the result of his hours of gazing into them, wondering how long he'd have.
He also pondered the effect of this fight on his own appearance. He refused mirrors since Clayton's incarceration, not enjoying what he saw. He always questioned why his lover need be burdened with the disease twice, where he did not.

As he was off thinking, Clayton stirred. His eyes blinked open and he reached a hand to Tyler's.
"Good morning, Love."
"Morning Ty..." His voice was weak, as it had been of late, and clogged by sleep. He also, as an effect of the disease on his lungs, had to pause every few words for a breath.
Tyler leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his lover's lips.
"How are you feeling?"
"The usual."
Tyler nodded.
"Anything I can get you?"
"No thank...you..."
Several ensuring coughs racked his weak frame, and Tyler felt his heart break a little more.
Clayton tried to move towards Tyler's chest, presumably to lay his head there. With help, he did. He closed his eyes. An eternity of silence passed with Tyler absentmindedly stroking his lover's head and brushing over his ear. Just as he thought Clayton had drifted back to sleep, he spoke.
"I'm fading."
"No, sweetie. You're going to get better. You're going to fight this again, and I'm going to take you home again."
More silence.
"I'm not... getting better."
"You will. You know how it is...get worse before you get better. This is just the worst part. You'll rebound again."
"I'm not...going to...again. This is gonna...be it...baby."
"No. It isn't. It won't be."
It can't be, he thought.
"Don't lie...to me..."
"I'm not...you'll get better."
"I heard...what they said...yesterday, Tyler."
Tyler gulped back the lump quickly forming in his throat.
"But you're young. You...can fight it, you did it before, you can do it again...you will do it again."
"I was 31 the first...time they diagnosed me...I'm...38 now...and..I heard...you and...Dr. White yesterday."
He just wasn't going to let it go...
"I don't believe him, love."
"He said...if they take...me off the chemo...and the...radiation...and that...I'll be done."
"Yeah..."
"And that...it's getting worse...and it's already...to my bones...and my lungs...and I...only had a...small chance...to begin with...this being my...second bout with it..."
Tyler nodded.
"You can do this, love. I know you can."
Suddenly, Clayton's body shook.
"I can't...I don't...I..."
He sobbed into Tyler's chest.
"Shh, it's not good for you to get this way, love. It's bad for your state. Shhh...."
"You don't...get it...Tyler...you don't...understand...the pain..."
"Shhh..."
Tyler felt it was his place to be the comforter.
"Stop...you...don't understand...I'm worse...by the day...it hurts more...I'm sick of...the chemo...I'm sick of...throwing up every day...and laying here...in misery...please baby...let me g-"
"NO."
"don't...yell...at me..."
"I didn't mean to..I just...you can't ask me to...let you die."
His voice faded at the end of his sentence.
"I'm...asking you to set....me free."
"No...I can't."
"Please baby." His voice was begging.
He opened his eyes and looked up at Tyler.
"I'm..in agony. Please..."
He closed them and laid back on his chest.
"I...I can ask them to give you some morphine...or something else, something to kill the pain..."
"He won't...give it to me...because I'll...get addicted..."
"You're dying."
"Which is...what I said...and he said...he can't give...me anything...but what...I've got..."
"Fucking idiots..."
"Shush, Tyler."
He went back to just stroking Clay's head, leaving a few kisses in the midst of his fingers. After another hour of silent bonding, Clayton spoke once more.
"Consider it...baby."
"No..."
"I'm..going to die...anyway...and I'm...in...misery...please..set me free. So I won't...lay here...dying by the day...I want it...overwith."
Tyler's nervous habit of gnawing his lip began.
"I'll...think about it."
Tyler let his tears fall. They were silent, but Clayton sensed them.
"Don't cry love."
His uncanny ability to sense Tyler's emotions sent him into an emotional tailspin.
"How can I just let you go...how? You're the l-llove of my l-l-life and I c-c-an't just..."
He broke into tears.
"You can s-s-sense me and r-r-read me and l-love me and I don't want to let you go! I don't want to live without you!"
"You...have to...eventually..."
"Baby! No! I...no! Not yet! I can't..."
"Stop saying that..."
"You're the l-l-love of my l-life. I c-can't just resign myself to the f-f-act that you're going to d-d-...."
"Shhh, love..."
Clayton's turn to comfort.
"You'll be..setting me free...into no pain...and my love...for you...will always thrive. My love..for you..does not need a human form. My love...for you is...unearthly and...doesn't need...it will survive...when you feel the warmth...and the love...that you felt with me...when you're lonely...that's my love."
"Clayton..."
"I'm blessed to have...a man like you...in my life at all...and it's been 20...amazing...years. and I...wouldn't...have spent it....with anyone else...never..."
"Clayton..."
"When..you get lonely...just know...I'm there with you."
"Clay..."
"I love you...more than I thought...wa spossible to love...another person...and you...made my life...complete...you are the reason...I made it though...the first time...and the reason...I held on now....you're..my reason for living..."
"Clayton..."
"I just...want to be...free of pain again...free of this cancer...again...in heaven....even if..they are missing their....best angel..."
"Oh, Clayton, Clayton, Clayton!..."
Tyler let his tears fall freely...
"What do you..want to do, Love?"
"I want...to stop my treatment...so I can come home...and spend my...last days...at home...with you...in peace...and not...a hospital..."
"Okay, love. Whatever you want, to make you happy..."
"Go...tell the doctor...and I want to come home...as soon as I can."

Tyler took Clayton home that afternoon and made him a comfortable spot on their bed. He was too weak to walk and needed help with almost everything- but Tyler didn't mind giving it. He was able to carry him where he wanted to go, had already helped him eat at the hospital, and knew how to touch him without hurting him any more. Though he was delighted to have Clayton home with him, freed from the Prison, he felt a sense of depressed loss. He knew Clayton did not have long. He would be lucky if he lasted a month, the doctors said. The cancer was spreading and without daily chemo it would progress to where Clayton simply would not be able to hold on any longer.
Clayton was grateful to not have his body poisoned daily. He looked forward to a homemade dinner that he would be able to keep down, and sleeping in Tyler's arms in their marital bed.
"Is there anything else you need, sweet?"
"No..I'm good Ty..Thanks."
Tyler put on his happiest face for Clayton. He did not want the man to see the shattered pieces of his heart proclaiming that he'd soon be without the thing he cared for most. He longed for Clayton not to see him cry anymore. He needed to be strong so his lover would have a solid root to cling to, and hopefully, to live on for just a little longer.
"I'm going to...go to sleep love...could you...come and cuddle..."
Tyler climbed into bed next to his love, wrapped his arms around Clayton's delicate body, and laid his head on his shoulder. One hand reached for Clayton's and held it tight.
"I love you..."
Tyler whispered into Clayton's ear.
"I love you so much."
He laid a tender kiss upon his cheek.
The satin sheets enveloping their form seemed to repeat the many memories they had seen made- the tender, sweet love they made was trapped inside the fabric as the words are bound to a story book. The tears cried when the bed was sought for comfort were encased in it's black embrace. The nights spent in one another's arms played out like a film. Tyler saw all of this, and had to fight his tears once more.

He had no idea what to do.


Three weeks had passed since Clayton's return from the hospital. Though he had gained a few pounds courtesy of the ability to digest his food, he still felt weaker by the day. His breaths became shallow, his words mixed and slurred. Clayton was fading and Tyler knew it. He spent every available second with Clayton, praying for his beloved to make it through the night.
That Friday, Clayton and Tyler were cozied in for bed. Clayton was safely in Tyler's arms, but shaking and still very feeble.
"I have..this feeling."
"What is it, love?"
"Tonight...will be my...last night..."
Tyler nodded.
"I love you, Ty."
"I love you too, Clayton. Remember...when we were kids? When were 16 and we fell in love for the first time...and the last time. And our mothers told us it was a crush...and here we are, now."
"Remember...how you'd sneak over to my house...every night?"
Tyler chuckled. "Sure do."
'And when we bought this...house...and it was...like our dream home....and the first night here...you proposed to me?"
"I was so nervous...and I had this speech written out...and I ended up fumbling it because I was so nervous. so I showed you the ring and you said yes without me ever saying a word..."
"That's because...I knew it was...right."
"Remember when we got married? and everyone was pissed that we had it in Holland, because no one wanted to travel...but they did. And we wrote our own vows...and everything was candle-lit..."
"And our honeymoon...in Tahiti...the first night...you had roses...and champagne. and it was brilliant..."
"And we danced to 'Hold me, thrill me, kiss me'..."
"and we did that...on every anniversary..."
They giggled.
"I love you...Clayton....promise to hold me...when I go..."
"Of course..."
He felt himself about to cry once more.
Hours passed. Clayton fell into sleep, but Tyler was too afraid to miss his breaths that he refused to do the same.
In time, Clayton's breathing became faint. Tyler knew this was the end, leaned down, and kissed Clayton with the most intense passion and love he could muster. His chest rose, fell, and failed to rise again. It was in this moment that the sands of time in the hourglass of Tyler's life were altered forever.
No more suffering...

 

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