So... This poem is about some little, shy, introspective kid who didn't have a lot of friends but was wise beyond his years... He finally found someone who liked him and became his friends... As their friendship grew, the shy kid became more closed in about other things in his world; and one thing led to another - the great friendship became toxic and ended. Fast Forward a few years; the kids have become mature teens and have grown a lot as people. They know are able to hear, understand, and speak to each other as somewhat-friends again, but they won't and may never be as close to the other as they were. The only good difference is - they understood each other now. This is exactly what happened to me from 4th grade to just a few months ago 10th grade. it's very emotional for me; specifically since these were the years where I dealt with toxic friendships(like, to the level of being gaslighted in some aspects for awhile); and I was learning how to actually feel what it was like to have "true" friendship.... through negative experiences. "I" = Shy kid "You'll" = Friend Anyway, here it is: (And yeah, I'm being pretty ballsy doing this... As I am with most things I say or do, tbh. ;P) Stanza 1 I want to learn how to live in the moment I want to grow and become a person But I know that you will stop me You'll try to wrap your claws around me, You'll try to pull me into your void, So I know that you can't hear me right now, Pause Stanza 2 I know I shouldn't forget things... so quickly... Nor should I fear my past, Tears had fallen, but I want to keep going, I don't want to be the one, to let life just pass, Pause Stanza 3 *Has Same Tune As Stanza 1* I am going to breathe for the moment, I feel as if I am my own person, I know that you won't - can't, be able to stop me, You'll try to rebuild the bridge that was burned, You'll want to distance yourself whenever you've learned, But I know now, that we will be able to hear for once.
Well I guess it's emotional... Though it didn't insight any emotions in me, because imma loon, so I have excuses. My opinion of it? I can't see a overly consistent tempo in it, but hey, it gets the message across... I suppose. *nods head and says 'yes'* P.S. What the hell is a Stanza? Is it English? Is it a legal word in Scrabble?
^^What Ryu said, in part. (BTW a stanza is a paragraph of poetry ) Maybe it's too vague? Hard to get a grip on what's actually happening. And without making the language itself the artistic part of the poem, the message has got to be strong. Is there a reason you had to put in formatting like "Stanza #" "Pause" etc? You mentioned that it has a tune, but without you actually singing it, we don't get it. If you have a mic you can try a site which lets you save and link voice recordings. My suggestion is to add more imagery. We need to see what you see and feel what you feel! Explaining it ahead of time is not the best way to do it; let the poem speak for itself. Poetry is hard. It's usually short so people think it's just fluff, but every word should be dense with meaning. And a little overarching structure never hurts either, making the whole thing tie into a big picture at the end.
I tend to read poetry some times with a tune. >_< Eh, I should have left that and the pause part out. The poem was meant to purely describe the thoughts of the situation, and not really much on the imagery. This is an emotion based poem. Gah, I feel like I may have messed up on this one a bit. I may re-write another later.
I read first the poem and assumed it was about the relationship of your old self with your new self. So it has the potential 'cause there is definitely enough room for more than one single interpretation. However, it feels too simple regarding vocabulary. Not saying you should rush to steal any baroque obscure word, just playing with language would do the trick. You could try to convey feelings through metaphores. Turn feelings into objects that has their own life cycle, like leaves, or a river... Also be very careful with rythm, even novels need to 'sound good'. It was nice, thanks for sharing. Good to read you. (And I completly dismissed your interpretation, poems are not the poet's property anyways : Once you let them go, they turn into something that belongs to everybody)
