I'm currently working on a little fanfic that will prominently feature an asexual character because more visibility is badly needed, and because I feel it actually works better to explain his canon behavior than the general fandom assumption that he's gay. Now, I can write this mostly from my own experience (*points to the personal details on the left*), but I never thought of myself as male nor do I really have cis-male friends who aren't gay or totally straight. Plus, I live in a different culture than the character I'm writing about. (The character is either American Latino or a member of a Spanish-speaking immigrant family, and he lives in Los Angeles. He's in his mid-20s, and he's ashamed enough of whatever the reason for his virginity is that he keeps it a secret and acts like he's a total womanizer. But he's charming, chivalrous and handsome enough that it's really unbelievable that no woman ever said yes to his flirting. And it's equaly hard to believe that he wouldn't be able to get gay sex on the downlow if he wanted it. It's Carlos Ramirez from The Dresden Files if you know that book series.) For various not actually very porny reasons, I want to write this character having penetrative sex with the straight male viewpoint character (it's for a spell - neither of them particularly want to). My goal is to make the mostly straight reading audience empathise by showing how having partnered sex at all for an asexual person is kind of like a straight person would feel if they were required to have sex with someone of the same gender. (There are no lesbian characters in the series, and in any case, slash fic gets more readers and the main goal is increased visibility / 101 education, so...) The straight character involved in this (Harry Dresden) is mildly homophobic and rather inhibited and old-fashioned when it comes to sex in general, and he's been canonically sexually assaulted by a bunch of monsters in the past. So I have the asexual guy volunteer for the bottom position (he still gets to be in control of the whole situation, this is just about penetration, not about being dominated). My thinking was that most non-repulsed asexuals I've talked to used to spent quite some time researching various forms of having sex, in the hopes of finding something they can relate to. (The asexual guy in this fic doesn't realise asexuality exists as a sexual orientation and that not wanting to have sex with other people is perfectly normal. He's a wizard, and wizards can't use the internet.) So I figure he could have very well found out already that prostate stimulation is something he would enjoy, at least on his own. Also, I often hear the statement "Before I found out that asexuality was an option, I thought I was bisexual because I didn't feel any different about boys or girls." But thinking about it, I only ever hear that kind of thing from asexual girls (cis or trans) or afab genderqueer people - but then, I haven't talked to many asexual cis men. So, what about the cis guys? Did you have a phase were you felt that you might be bisexual as well, or is the prejudice against gay/bi men in American (even West Coast) society so strong that you never even considered that, even though you found yourself lacking sexual attraction to girls? Do I have to give my asexual guy a romantic crush on another man to make it believable that he'd even research gay sex and wouldn't be particularly scared / ashamed of bottoming? What about including his ass in masturbation - is that a possibility based on sheer curiosity and reading that it's supposed to feel good, or is that just not happening unless a guy finds himself attracted to men enough that he wants to have a real dick up his ass at some point? I know rationally that at least most straight cis men have a kind of socially conditioned aversion / fear of being penetrated (even by women), possibly due to the whole "passive equals feminine, and being feminine is bad" misogyny-related homophobic prejudice. But it's hard to really get my head around that fear as someone who always expected and was expected by society to be playing the receptive partner during sex, no matter my sexuality. Also, am I right in assuming that an American cis guy, who might be culturally Catholic but clearly doesn't mind being thought of as promiscuous (so not the "no sex before marriage" type), would not attach any particular meaning or worth to his own virginity? The spell is meant to be powered by a 'virgin sacrifice' - as in: the symbolism of giving up something precious. I like the idea that it doesn't work because the virgin didn't actually mind losing that status (just the awkward act itself), so that in the end, they have to power the spell on the straight guy's intense post-coital embarrassment. (Dresden powers spells on emotions like lust or anger all the time in canon.)
