Some atrocious poems composed by myself :(

You're writing an epic? Wow, best of luck. That's beyond my ambition. O.O Also I'm assuming each paragraph is a separate poem and mostly want to talk about the first. So here goes.

You start off by having mountains which "lay high." Saying something lays usually emphasizes that it's on the ground or some surface. To "lay high" makes a conflicting image in my head of a mountain range that is at first low, then high. I'm not saying it's wrong, but something like "stretch high" or some other strong imagery would be a better choice if you want to describe their height rather than the fact that they are located somewhere. I'd save mountains "laying" for placing them laterally, like if several of them "lay to the south."

Is there a reason to identify his destination with that particular word? By saying he "finally reached" it, we can infer that he started a journey meaning to get there. It frees up the place in the sentence to tell us more about the destination. Is it a land, a city, a kingdom or some other descriptor? It can give this line some great color rather than the fairly generic "destination."

When you talked about two guards leaping forward vehemently with murderous rage, I imagined them yelling battle cries and charging your traveler. I figured there was going to be a fight, but instead one talked to him. You might want to think about cooling down the hostility a bit, with an extension of "approached" or something similar. Leaping is a bit too dramatic for telling someone to state their business, even if they do have murderous rage.

Speaking of that, saying "murderous rage glinting their axes" sounds a little off. "Glinting" is reflecting, which doesn't make a lot of sense here. I imagine you want to imbue the axes with said rage. Could "tinting" work better? Or something like "murderous rage in the glint of their axes."

Quoted for a great line. It's a ton better than "words cannot express" which is way overused, and I love the personification of sorrow when describing just how terrible things are there. You may want to capitalize it as "Sorrow" as if it's the conscious embodiment of the idea.

This part is characteristic of an epic I think, skipping over all the minutia and getting right into the weird experiences of the hero. But what about the guys who were less than happy to see him? By saying your guy has a "certain motive" we still have no idea why he's traveling. And the leader of the guards said "leave tomorrow" but he chose to leave immediately in a hell of a hurry. Some explanations for what's going on would be appreciated.

Just some grammatical gripes. You used "wouldst" correctly the first time, but not here. It's a second-person form for talking about the listener, usually with "thou." Stick with "would" here. And instead of a period after "charge" it should just be a comma, as well as making the H in He into lower case unless your hero is mighty enough to be talked about like a god. If he is, fine, but do it for every instance where you refer to him as he. Everything else is alright, although now I'm curious why our hero is asking for free stuff from a vendor hehe.

I love the idea of a fabled "Great Barter." Stellar idea, I'm serious. But you sort of gloss over how it was great (other than that it took forever) or what was even negotiated. Are we allowed to know at this point in the story what the hero was bartering for? I can see how it would be called great if he scored a deal from a notorious merchant, or used whatever item to turn the tide of a war or something, but it could be a keychain.

...the nefarious stay locked? I can see the repetition of the part about the mountains because it works as a bookend for this little excerpt of the bigger story, but this bit about the nefarious is totally cryptic, both figuratively and by the ambiguous wording. If it's Sealed Evil In A Can(TM) then it would be better to say "locked away" because your wording might mean there's a nefarious presence itself serving as the container for something else.

Whew. I don't know if I'm up for doing the others this intensely. But I love the grandiose style you use, which reminds me of stories like Beowulf and their sweeping heroic exploits. I hope my comments helped.