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would anyone like to critique my poem for english class?

Discussion in 'Entertainment and Technology' started by MusicIsLife, Mar 28, 2010.

  1. MusicIsLife

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    So my teacher (college level FYI) is a science fiction nerd so she assigned us this "creative project" where we could write a story or poem, make an advertizement, video, etc, etc, but it had to be about a futuristic technology.

    I decided to do a poem, because most of the time poetry and I don't get along, and I felt that this was a good opportunity for me to improve on it. So I decided to write a poem about the USA inventing a nuclear bomb much more powerful than the Tsar Bomb, and issuing threats to all the nations around the world so that they could gain total control of the entire planet. It's called the Terror State, and I hope that I don't offend any americans with this poem, its not my intention.

    The Terror State

    In a time not too far from now,
    Peace was a dream,
    War was the way.
    The Terror State began,
    Destruction--the master plan.
    The Tsar Bomb paled in comparison,
    And the threats of attack came pouring in.
    The US now had the fire to control the tide.

    The world was under America's power,
    There was no way to douse the fire,
    Such was the time of The Terror State.

    Violence in the streets, minorities with no rights,
    The Police's power was formidable,
    This is the world of The Terror State.

    Countries bowed to its every command,
    There was no safety in retalitation.
    Blood ran in the gutter,
    Fear was the time of The Terror State.

    The Terror State died in less than a year,
    Their only power gone in a blur,
    Joyous cries replaced the fright,
    At the end of The Terror State.

    The bomb dropped upon its masters,
    The once powerful country now a devastation.
    Now sons and daughters learn a lesson from their plight,
    There is danger in this violent might.
    As it has been said, listen to the call,
    The bigger they come, the harder they fall.

    __

    Yay? Nay? Anything i could improve?