Ok, so I have been contemplating posting here for a while now. Im in the classical situation where the gay guy is in love with his "straight" best friend. Im not out at all, but im not sure either if my friend atleast suspects im gay or bi atleast. So here it goes, im really sorry if its incredibly long , but I really would appreciate your thoughts. I met this guy when I moved high schools, roughly 4 years ago. The first year I knew him, we didnt exactly hit off, but then in the 11th grade, he started taking more interest in me and we became really close friends. Its safe to say that we have now been best friends for 3 years. I really do love him as a friend, but I feel terribly guilty hiding all these times that I am gay, and madly attracted to him. For days, weeks, months I have pictured us together in my mind, I literally get teared up thinking just how happy I would be. But then I think to myself, WTF is wrong with you, how can do this to your own best friend and think of him that way. Well...ive always had hope that he may just have the same feelings for me, which is why im posting this, to get your guys opinions. Here the deal with him. Im going to just sort of list just some of the things, there are way to many, I swear I could write a book about us. He has over the years shown somewhat "homophobic" tendencies, but they alot of the times they will be very sharp and out of the blue, to me they seem very unjustified and alot of the times he just says it to "look cool" or cover up, he seems almost scared when he says it. For example when there are two guys in a movie together he would say "thats disgusting". Lately , during the past year though he has stopped this, the only person he calls gay now is Justin Bieber lol, which i dont get too cause he loves his music when he is drunk. He has never had a girlfriend, nor have I, we are both 20. He talks alot about guys bodies, how ripped and big they are etc with me ( He is very into his gym) , he never talks about girls really, or with me atleast. Whenever we used to go to a party or somewhere he would tell me he loves me all the time. Just last weekend on the way home from the nightclub, I sat next to him, and put my hand on his leg, he then put his hand around me, and for about 30 seconds was moving his finger while his hand was on my back. He stopped but im not sure if that was because I didnt do anything else, his arm stayed around me though until we got to his house. These are just random things though im telling you guys, I dont know but to me it just doesnt seem like these are things a straight guy would do? I just am petrified of coming out to him, but lately I have been thinking this is the only way. I really have a strong feeling that he is gay, but in complete denial or just not ready, but would telling him scare him off? Oh btw, Me and him both went to seperate colleges for freshman year, he was miserable, and is now transfering to my college and we are staying in an apartment together next semester. He is very clingy, and I feel he gets jealous if I talk to my other friends. So im probably taking a wild shot with this one, I dont know if anyone can gather much from what I have wrote? But feel free to ask me anything that would help, im really desperate to just get closure on this, or move into the next step of our relationship. Thanks! Trev
Hi, I'm younger than you and I was/am in a similar situation. I say was cause as hard as it is I'm trying to move on, without much success. The thing that stuck out to me the most is he gets jealous when you hang out with your other friends. I don't know if it's actually significant but I get jealous when the guy I like hangs out with certain people, and not me. I don't let him know though. I wouldn't tell him about your sexuality in hopes that he might tell you he isn't "straight" either. I know I didn't say much, but I wish you the best if luck figuring everything out. I know the pain.
The problem with telling us your stories is that there's bias. Because you're attracted to him, even the smallest incidents may seem possible evidence that he's gay. It's made worse that the evidence comes when he is intoxicated. Be blunt and tell him you like him, at the risk of him being turned off. Or you can keep it a secret forever.
this is a tough. i'm a girl, but i do remember my freshman year of high school having feelings for my girl best friends, and odds were in my favor with her ha. but she remained my best friends for years. gathering what you said, i think things could look good for you. if he makes "gay" comments it could be him hiding his sexuality, like you already think. and the fact that he's so open with you especially when he's drunk, shows he could be feeling things himself but doesn't want to pursue it or maybe he's just too scared. i wouldn't tell him off the bat though in case. he could never in his life want to come out and you teling him you could lose a very good best friend. when you guys move in together will it just be you and him? if so this is a really good chance for you to make some sort of move in secret so you can be comfortable. either get super drunk and throw it out there just to see how he reacts, and if he reacts badly you can pretend not to remember the next day or make a joke out of it. but if he's drunk and likes it, i think you have your answer. i wish you could keep me updated with this.. ha. good luck trev!
Well thanks for the replies so far! Im going out with him again tonight so will c if anything else develops. Its just weird aswell now that I think of it, every time we are in a club me and him he will never go for any girls even though he has about 3-4 in a night come up to him, just doesn't act interested. Another thing about him is that he is terribly shy, so am I when I think about it, but I feel he should be comfortable around me by now to at least take that next step. I understand though that my story can be very Bias, this all could be in my head, that would seriously suck though! Some other things to mention. He had a very hard childhood growing up, no dad and had to kind of act as the father figure in his family. His mother seems very conservative to me, and religious, so I think if he ever where to come out to his family at least, it would be long after he has finished college etc, because I honestly think she would go insane. But it sucks at the same time because I feel that he can at least say something to me, how can I assure him that im comfortable with people being gay? I must sound terribly selfish saying all these things lol. When we were young (17) I remember we masturbated together , not directly in front of each other but under the blankets. We even shared watching porn on the same phone lol. But we never really talked about it again after. Another incident was when i lied on my bed once, he lay ontop of me and sort of brushed his lips up and down my neck. Which was kind of sudden seeing my other friends were in the room. I really like this kid but just feel like I need to know, to move on with my life if he isnt gay or bi. But I feel he is either to scared to come out or just not ready. The best thing I can think of is for me to tell him im gay or atleast comfortable with gay relationships, but I dont know how he will take it if I tell him directly. So sad that we haveto use alcohol aswell for these kinds of situations to get out the truth lol.
