up until feb. my girlfriend was living with her friend who wasn't the best influence. he had a drinking problem and smoked weed constantly. she was already a heavy smoker but being around him wasn't a good environment. especially when he started to get negative and just changing for the worst. basically, my cousin and i worked it out so that she could stay with him at his house. because he wasn't a smoker and were already good friends, this would be a good place for her to get out of her situation. i didn't think she would quit smoking entirely, but at least she wasn't around it and couldn't use the excuse of someone else doing it with her. for a few months of them living together i started speculating my cousin and her were now smoking together as well. because he had begun to have his own pot, i asked him and he said he got it from his neighbor. long story short, i found out a couple months ago from my girlfriend that basically from day 1 of her moving in he was asking her to smoke and she became his provider. i confronted him about it and he didn't have much to say. he knew he fucked up. and he knew i was upset. he never really apologized though, i think for reason being he didn't want to stop smoking with her. in california a law just passed of dispensaries shutting down, so now his main provider can't help him out. and now she's serious about quitting so now he has no one to do it with. so today he texts me about how much he misses me and how he's sorry, but i just don't really buy it. i mean, he's my cousin and i love him. we're exactly one year apart and we've been close our whole lives. i just feel like he really betrayed me because he knew how much her smoking hurt me and how the whole point and plan of her moving in with him was to get her out of it, and then he goes starting it up again. i think always with the intention of doing it. he has been going through some problems in his own relationship of almost ten years, so he uses that as an excuse as a form of escape and that's why he did it, not to do it against me. i don't mean to hold a grudge and it's not like i don't expect to ever see or talk to him again, i just don't trust him. but since he is my cousin i don't know if i'm making a mistake. i'm sorry that was so long.. but i hope someone was able to read this whole thing through. thank you in advance! ---------- Post added 4th Jul 2013 at 08:01 PM ---------- forgot to mention this one other thing, a couple months back when i was having problems with my gf, i confided in him my feelings towards her and how much i was avoiding having "the talk" with her, but i sensed it coming. that same night we end up having "the talk" which i thought was a coincidence but i didn't think much of it at the time. (obviously i was too distracted with my situation then thinking of my talk with him) but the next morning i read her texts with him, i know, i know.. probably not the best thing... and he had sent her a text after i talked to him telling her that it was time we talk and he thought it was a good idea. i had just told him how upset i was and i feel like he went behind my back with this, neither of them know i know this but i feel like bringing it up to him because it's another main reason why i feel like the trust is lost.
The best life philosophy is always "forgive but don't forget". I'm guilty of not taking that advice myself all too often, but as an outsider to your situation it's definitely the best route for you to go down. Your cousin has apologised and shown that he realises what he did was wrong - okay, making excuses isn't cool but a lot of people refuse to even take that much responsibility, so I think it would be foolish to strain your relationship over this. Communication is key - start a dialogue about why he hurt you, how you're afraid you can't trust him, and let him defend himself with his side of the story. Holding a grudge is going to make both of you unhappy in the long term, especially if you still want him to be a part of your life. Hope that makes sense!
I have little patience for people who intentionally use others for their own benefit and lie their asses off to get what they want. Under no circumstances should your cousin be around your girlfriend. Both should consider going to NA if they are serious about quitting; it will help a lot to be around others who are serious about maintaining sobriety, and it is inspiring to see how others have taken steps to improve their lives. Unfortunately, in California it can be difficult since *so* many people have bogus "medical" marijuana cards for bullshit, nonexistent ailments, and so the motivation to not be a pothead has to come from the internal desire to better oneself. But I also suspect that both are using weed as an unhealthy means of numbing feelings, and that, again, is where attending NA (or, if it's an option, seeing a therapist) will make the difference in helping them to attain long term sobriety.
