When can I call him my boyfriend?

Hey everyone,

So I've been thinking, and I wanted to make a separate thread about this, but when can I call Sebastian my boyfriend? I know I'll have to talk to him about it, but when do you think is a good time to bring it up? How should I bring it up in conversation? I'm going on my third date in a couple weeks (in Florida now), and I'm definitely going to be kissing him during that date because he already said that he has no limits around me and that he wants to do everything I'm comfortable with .

What do you guys think?

 

Haha, I suppose that's true! I'll most likely bring it up on the fourth date.

Next date is the third date and there's a 100% probability that we'll kiss - he already said he wants to at time I want to :icon_bigg. There's a pretty good chance we'll have sex on the fourth date. Do you think it'd be a good idea to bring it up after sex when we're cuddling, or would that be tacky?

You just made my day by saying that . I think you could very well be right - after all, we literally (and I do mean literally) send hundreds of texts back and forth every day. He texts me when he goes to bed (he goes to bed before me), and I text him as soon as I wake up in the morning (he wakes up after me). He once referred to what we had like this: "It's almost like our brain tentacles are connected!" And I totally agree . He's also implied a few times that he wants a solid relationship, as have I.

What's everyone else's thoughts on this? Have we/are we spontaneously becoming boyfriends? Was/is it automatically occurring?

True, but I do seriously think that he wants to get serious with me, or at least that's the feeling I get .

 

That's very true, and I think you're totally right. I just don't want to start saying stuff to friends like, "Oh, my boyfriend loves that show!" and then he hears about it as a surprise instead of me asking first. Is there any case in which it'd be okay to assume, and if not, when's the best time to have the discussion?

 

That's very true. On the other hand, though, he already knows I'm clingy and accepts me for my clingyness .

I totally agree, but keep in mind that as of today, it's already been a month since our first date! By the time the fourth date rolls around, it'll be like 7 weeks.

I disagree, I don't think that at all when other people say stuff like that!

 

I think you're totally right. However, I think sex once is enough because I'm the type that wouldn't even consider letting someone get into my pants without knowing him really well and loving him with all my heart. And he knows that .

There's something screaming at me at the back of my brain telling me that we have a fundamentally different definition of "clingy". I'm defining it as the fact that I get anxiety if I don't hear from him for a while (like a day), and that given the choice, I'd spend every waking moment of my life with him.

I very much disagree... I strongly believe in love at first sight, and am pretty sure I experienced it, so I think in this case 5 dates is more than enough! Hey, after all, my dad proposed to my mom on their sixth date and they've been married for something like 25 years :icon_bigg.

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I'm thinking I'm going to phrase the question simply as, "You know Seb, I really like what we have here; you're so amazing. So what exactly do we call what we have, what are we to each other? There's totally no right answer, but I want you to know that I'm okay with however far along the road you think we are - I just want to be on the same page ."

I will most likely say this a little bit after we both finish and are cuddling in bed. What do you guys think, good plan?

 

That's actually not a bad idea. That way if he says yes to becoming my boyfriend (I get the feeling he will), he can have sex with me to reassure me that he really means it .

Perhaps you're right, and I do keep an eye on it to keep it in check. On the other hand, though, by that same definition one could refer to my mom as clingy, and yet her marriage t my dad is 100% healthy. If my mom calls my dad and doesn't hear back within a couple hours and my dad didn't tell her he was going out, she'll get really really anxious.

 

Thanks! What do you mean you remember it?

 

Thankies! I really hope you're right, if that happened and he asked me if we could be boyfriends, I would say yes right that instant, kiss him, and be the happiest man in the world :icon_bigg.

I think I may have overdramatized my feelings, so let me rephrase. I totally need that much space myself, and would go crazy without it; I didn't mean I want to be joined at the hip to him. When I said every waking moment, I was overdramatizing to mean that I'd want to see him mostly every day. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

That's not a bad metaphor, and I totally I know what you mean. This is largely why I stick around EC - so I know what the hell I'm doing and don't have to rely on him to tell me how to behave in every single relationship-related context.

Though that's true, I think chemistry can be detected in a very short space of time. And I'm 100% sure we have that.

No need to worry about that, we've had in-depth discussions about all of this already. I know how he feels.

I can confidently say I'm on the same page with him for each of those things. I'll break them down:

His & My Feelings on Sex

He's explicitly told me many times that he's okay with absolutely anything sexual I want to try with him long. He once told me that his only absolute limit is that he doesn't do scat, but other than that, he's into everything. We're both comfortable with the idea of sex and often joke about different sexual innuendos over text. And he's said that he wants to have a slumber party with me with cookies, ice cream, movies, and lots and lots of sex - he said he wants to see if we can do it three times in one night, and I told him the truth - that I thought that was totally hot! :icon_wink

We also know that we're both clean because he literally received test results yesterday and he's totally clean, and I'm a virgin so be default I'm totally clean too.


His & My Feelings on Clinginess and Mental Health

He knows I have severe panic disorder, low self-esteem, and general insecurity, all of which he's said many times that he's okay with. Similarly, I know that he has panic disorder and bipolar depression, and I'm totally okay with that too. He's okay with my clinginess because he's pretty clingy too! Perhaps not as much as me, but pretty close. I think that both of our clingy properties stem from panic disorder and generalized anxiety, for which we're both medicated (he takes sertraline, I take fluoxetine), but the clinginess breaks through. The beautiful part of our relationship (if it can be called that yet before I have the talk with him) is that we understand and accept each other's plethora of flaws. I have a really bizarre diet, and he's okay with that. He has a weird earlobe fetish, and I'm okay with that. I have really stereotypically gay hair and he's okay with that. He has a giant rainbow tattoo on his right arm and I'm okay with that. I'm clingy and he's okay with that. He's clingy and I'm okay with that. Do you get what I'm saying?


His & My Feelings on Timing

He's already said that he's willing to go as far as I'm comfortable with, and I took that to include conversations like this one.

Congratulations, you just defined generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and we both have that! :lol:

Seriously, though, we're both a bit insecure, but latching onto each other alleviates this.

Excellent, then that's what I'll do!