Hello! This is going to be my first post because it's pretty much what I seeked out a website like this for. Since I haven't really posted much else I'll start with a bit of background on myself. So I'm a lesbian, of course. I didn't really start to realize it until I met a bisexual friend in High School that I started crushing on. I've hopped around from straight to bisexual to lesbian and then back to straight and in denial and finally settled back onto lesbian. The first girl I dated I was 17 and she cheated on me a week into the relationship. I then got roped back into the relationship twice more when I was 19. I dated another girl when I was 18 who was very emotionally abusive. I was sexually assaulted by a guy while in this relationship and when I told her she said I "was cheating on her and that i wasn't actually a lesbian". It's needless to say that relationship kind of bombed. I tried going on dates with two guys after that when I went through an attempted denial faze and ended up having panic attacks during both. It ruined my confidence and over these past couple years I was slowly building it back up and have reached a point of decent happiness now that I'm 20. Although, I'm still not all there. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have a huge paranoia now when it comes to relationships and crushes. I normally do an excellent job of ignoring the crushes until they fade away and I continue on with my life, but about a month ago I met a girl through a popular social networking site and we quickly became amazing friends. She's also a lesbian, although she's told me she's never dated another girl before, and we're always flirting with each other (or at least i am to her and it's rather well-received). We've had movie nights together, talked into the late hours of the evening, and for once I'm actually interested in someone who's very sweet to me and treats me like somebody who's actually worth it. Not to mention she's absolutely beautiful and our humor matches up well with each other. Honestly...I'm actually SCARED that I might be in love with her because that is a completely foreign thing to me that I normally try really hard to avoid. Things have been a little off with us these past couple days, which I guess is why I'm making this post in the first place. I do have bad anxiety and due to the simple fact that she was at the beach today and we didn't talk I've had too much time to think. I'm terrified that I might not be pretty enough for her. I'm worried that she's getting bored of me. I see her online right now and I'm too scared to start a conversation with her because I'm worried that she's just not interested in talking to me anymore. This is the first time in years that I've felt such strong affection for someone and now I can't stop worrying that I'm not good enough. I thought I was finally starting to love myself, but now I'm not so sure. I just really need some help.
