Hey all, I just want to start off by saying this is why I value this place so much -- mutual support. I love to help others on here *and* be able to put my hand out to be picked up. Right now, I am putting my hand out. I came out while actively serving in the Marine Corps during my first tour in Afghanistan on Christmas 2012. The unit I was with then all became aware and while it was a bit awkward and a process at first, it was liberating for it to be known. Those who didn't like it distanced, those who didn't care remained (and most did). It was just common knowledge and I didn't feel as if I needed to hide it or for it to be found out and make an established relationship awkward. Now, I am in a new location and with a new unit. Most of the people here (except a few familiar faces from my previous who know about my sexuality) do not know that I identify as Queer. It is not that I try to hide it (although I sometimes I find that I go along with the assumption I am straight) but I just don't feel it is necessary or appropriate to have to make this aspect of me known when I introduce myself or get to know someone. After hearing people use the word "faggot" or "gay" in general (not in a specific hateful sense), and a few people's anti-equality views on marriage and such things, I really feel like I don't want to be known for my sexuality at all to avoid any issues or problems at work. In a way, I have begun to feel a bit 'in the closet' again. Isolated. Bearing that weight, not being able to fully connect with others because I do not feel we are meeting on upfront and honest terms as it was when people knew I was identified as Queer. I want to make it known, but I just feel it is inappropriate to just bring up and let everyone know mixed with the desire to just keep it to myself and move on when I exit the military soon, no real desire for drama or issues. At the same time, I feel very distant and isolated from my peer group most of my day (and half of my waking life via work). Love, Jon
Well, I'm not gonna lie, this is a tough one. I think it's pretty clear why you're feeling isolated. As you say yourself, you don't feel like you want to be known for your sexuality, especially given the environment, and as a result you feel like you're being inauthentic. On the other hand, when you were able to come out to your previous unit, you felt much better. Sure, there was some sifting around of friends and not all were totally on board. But most were fine and things were good. The one consolation I can offer is that I don't think it would be inappropriate to bring up. Whether they would take the news well is another thing, but it's not inappropriate for you to be known for who you are and accepted/respected (or not) based on that whole package. So, a couple questions for you - is it at all possible for you to request transfer to a different unit? I'm guessing not, but I figured I'd ask. And second, how long do you have to still be in the corps?
I am in a small group of people (8-9) right now, and I plan on getting out before or not long after the end of this year. Honestly, just a rough day, and I think it may be best just to wait it out until college, where I can be upfront and open.
Fair enough - and if you can make it through the end of the year, then that may be for the best. Still, you deserve some sort of support network here, someone to talk to who knows you're gay and won't judge you for it. If nothing else, are there doctors or counselors on staff nearby? Which is not to say that you necessarily need counseling, it might just be nice, like I say, to have someone around. And if nothing else, feel free to PM me any time, or of course post as much as you want.
Gravity, Thank you. I would agree it is just best to let it be. This was after a particularly stressful day and just needed to sort of open-dialogue this one, with interaction of another. The topic discusses my work environment. Outside of my immediate work environment I am an active member of OutServe, which is a military LGBT advocate and support network as well as a local grassroots and growing organization on my particular base called G.LA.S.S. (Gay, Lesbian and Supportive Servicemembers). I am quite fine overall, and in a few months time I will be with a new group of people and (hopefully) beginning to check out and transition back into the civilian world where I will begin college! If things 'come out' at work, so be it. It is not like I will lose much, I already feel isolated, the only thing that can happen is I find a few supportive and care-free individuals. Thanks again!
