Falling for straight best friend

I haven't got much experience giving this kind of advice but I've become quite strongly attracted to straight friends and acquaintances quite a few times.

Honestly, I found it really quite difficult to deal with the mixture of affection and crushing disappointment. Sometimes, I think it might be a consequence of hiding my true sexuality, that they mistake your attraction to them as just friendliness and they allow you to become closer to you than they otherwise would. This is what makes it so painful, that you've become close enough to this person as a friend to know that it's not just a superficial attraction but that you are truly drawn to them as a person. If only they could be return your affection, it would be perfect...

I've cried over a quite a few boys when I've realized that, however perfect I might think we'd be together, it really can't happen. The sexuality of the person is not something I can change and that I just have to accept that there's no future involving us together.

I'm sorry if I'm not being very constructive but I can understand that it's really painful because we can become really close to our friends. I would offer the usual advice of finding something else to focus on, to distract you, but I would also suggest that you try to avoid becoming more attracted to them. Whenever you see them and talk to them, remember that a platonic relationship is all that will ever happen and that fantasizing about anything else will only hurt you more.

Sorry if I'm not very helpful, I haven't really given this kind of advice before. I really sympathize with your situation and I hope things get better for you soon.

Best wishes.

 

this is probably the worst thing ever. i've had this happen quite a few times. as much as it sucks, you can't do anything about it.

sry man, i know how terrible this is.

 

I know the feeling, and it's not a lot of fun.

People just kept telling me to get over her, and I felt so ugly and bad for feeling this way. It felt so wrong to love someone straight and it felt like I was disrespecting her by having these feelings. However, the one thing that helped me was when I told her.

I know, easier said than done. At first, I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth at first. I was so afraid that she was never going to speak to me again. When it finally came out though, she completely understood. We talked about it and agreed that it was never going to happen, but in the end, my honestly brought us closer together.

The important thing with dealing with being in love with a straight person is that you need to acknowledge every side of it. You've already acknowledged the pain and how much it sucks, which is the most important part. However, you also need to acknowledge the joy and love that she brings you. You can't make a list of her flaws and expect yourself to fall out of love, because love isn't a box of good and bad. Love is round and has a ton of different shades and angles that make it up, and you can't avoid the joy just because it brings pain.

That's why talking to her is so important. That "no" will help you begin to heal. Once you are fully able to accept all these feelings, you will be able to let them go. She can also help you to fall out of love with her, and make it easier. Honesty is always the best way to go with someone you love, whether it's platonic or romantic.

It will take some time to be ready to talk to her. It will be stressful, confusing, and heartbreaking. However, you will be able to move on. Only after you accept that she isn't a part of your destiny can you move towards who you want to be.

 

That's very brave of you. Acknowledging all aspects of your feelings for this person strikes me as something that could really help you with these difficult emotions. I can see that there's a beauty to such feelings, whatever their context.

Good luck and best wishes.