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Inexperienced: How can I build confidence

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by NebulousAgency, Jul 15, 2013.

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  1. NebulousAgency

    NebulousAgency
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    Hello all,

    I'm 20 years old and am currently closeted about my sexuality. As a result, I've never really had any experience with intimacy or relationships but I would really like to try. I'm a virgin and I've also never kissed another person or anything like that. Others have made advances or flirted with me but because I'm not open about my sexuality and I sometimes have problems with my self-esteem I've never reciprocated.

    In high school I accepted this since there didn't seem to be other option but I'm entering my second year at a university for from home and I feel it's time to change. Does anyone have any advice on how I could try and start meeting LGBT people and developing relationships? I don't have any queer friends or acquaintances so this isn't really a question I've ever asked before.

    Thanks.
     
    #1 NebulousAgency, Jul 15, 2013
  2. wowiemio

    wowiemio
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    I had the same problem, i knew i was gay since i was 16 but i never had any gay experience or even gay friends till I was 22, but then i started checking some dating sites and went out for the first time with a guy and now I have some close gay friends

    I think as as a start, you can join any lgbt support groups near you to get used to talking and being with other gay people, that will boost your confidence
    As for being in the closet, i don't think there is anything wrong with that and is no problem, u will come out when u are ready
     
    #2 wowiemio, Jul 15, 2013
  3. NebulousAgency

    NebulousAgency
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    Thanks for the advice. The student union at my university has an LGBT society but in the past I've felt nervous about joining. Thinking about it, it does seem obvious they would be able to accommodate someone who wasn't really 'out' to society at large yet.

    I think it'd really help just to have someone to talk to. It's funny, I've accepted my sexuality for some years now, I've learned quite a bit and I've formed some strong strong opinions on the subject yet I've never explored my own feelings. I guess that's the nature of being closeted? The cognitive dissonance can be a little frustrating at times.

    ---------- Post added 15th Jul 2013 at 05:55 PM ----------
    My mistake.
     
    #3 NebulousAgency, Jul 15, 2013
  4. wowiemio

    wowiemio
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    Having someone to talk to is really useful. In my country we can't have something like LGBT support groups so you are lucky to have such society in your university, i think u will find others who are still in the closet and feel the same way as you do
    For me I'm still in the closet, that didn't stop me from meeting other gay people and exploring my feelings, i'm just not ready to come out to everyone yet
     
    #4 wowiemio, Jul 15, 2013
  5. gador

    gador
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    As wowiemio said going to any lgbt* group could help.
    When I went to the local lgbt* student group for the first time I was so nervous and afraid that I walked by for 3 times before I build the courage up to actually go inside and meet them. Back than I was not out to anyone at all and just hanging out with them from time to time and knowing I was not alone helped me getting more confident.
    Now I'm out to a few people and want to continue telling others whenever there's a suitable opportunity to do so.
    Also by going there you expand your social circle in a direction that brings you in contact with more and more lgbt*-people that can become friends.
    For me it really boosted my self-esteem
     
    #5 gador, Jul 15, 2013
  6. NebulousAgency

    NebulousAgency
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    I understand what you mean. I know coming out could cause me some problems, the loss of a few friends and tension with some members of my family, but the alternative, in my case, is much worse. I really shouldn't squander this opportunity to change my life for the better.

    Thanks for talking. I'm fortunate in being born in a country with a progressive politics political system and I hope things improve for you as soon as possible.
     
    #6 NebulousAgency, Jul 15, 2013
  7. NebulousAgency

    NebulousAgency
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    I keep spotting these mistakes when I can't correct them.

    ---------- Post added 15th Jul 2013 at 08:16 PM ----------

    When I go back to university this September I'll definitely look up the LGBT society, it can only help.

    Thanks for the advice.
     
    #7 NebulousAgency, Jul 15, 2013
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