Parents that say: "You have to be ..." or "You must be ..."

It all started with:

"So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Mom asks.
"A writer! I want to be rich and famous like Usami Akihiko (<~ He's not real)!" 10th grade me.
(Mom tells most of the people she knows).
They all say discourage me; they all pressure me more. My parents say that I should make my own decisions but they aren't letting me make the biggest decision of my life: What I want to be for the rest of my life.

Sibling betrayal(?):
"I didn't tell him how I really thought because ... let's face it. I'm not his mother. I have no right to tell him to do this or that. That's your job". Sister tells mother one day when I'm not around. (She was supportive in front of me though. But, I heard from my mother and instantly starting crying. She manipulated me. My own sister D. This didn't seem right but I don't know what to feel exactly.


~About 4 months later~

Mom says, "You have to be involved in the science field".
Those words (You have to be) struck me so hard.
Recalling from what my friend said a while ago, "I hate when parents do that. I can be a hobo. I can be anything I want".

I responded with, "Mom. I can be a hobo. I don't have to be anything that you're forcing me to be!".

She yells and is absolutely confused by what term I'd used. "So, you want to be a gay boy living in your dreams?!". She yells so loud I almost feel enraged at this point.

"When did I ever say I wanted to be a gay boy? (I'm thinking: I didn't choose to be a gay boy. I've always been!). Oh. You thought I said 'homo'? I didn't! Hobo means homeless person, Mom!".

She looks to the ground and smirks a bit.
Then, I tell her: "I didn't even know what I wanted to be! Everyone just kept asking me and I said that so you guys wouldn't worry!".

Turns out, she worried more than I could ever imagine. I believe that is the case because she never stopped for one day and said, "Lets just leave him be". She always pestered me about not wanting to be a science major.

But, the moment she yelled about me being a gay boy, I knew I wouldn't ever trust her.

I'm never going to return to this family ever. They expect me to pay them when I'm older?
Like I'll ever care.

I hate them all.







And, after all that, I still feel guilty. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

I felt traumatized that my mom behaved the way that she did.
I kept thinking: What if that was my coming out to her?

She reacted so ignorantly! I still don't feel very happy around my parents and I certainly won't love them the way they want me to. And, the main problem with being in a family in the middle class is that venturing towards dreams will have me end up in their situation (now). I won't be any richer than them which is why they worry so much.


I certainly don't care to have as much money as they would have loved to but I understand what they are trying to say, it is just irritating to hear everyday. The most annoying thing is when she tells people who don't need to know, like a tutor or a teacher.

Honestly, the whole conversation with my mom was just heated and boiled over.

I just feel really guilty for standing up to them like that. Makes me feel like a ... brat.

 

My friend said something like this:

"Why are we born? We were taught to fulfill our needs and desires from a younger age.
So, what's the point of living if we can't do something we like?
Giving up on what we love isn't that easy as just saying it"

Which motivated me more. But, I held back a bit.