Ever had those friendships where the friendship should be fairly easy because you're about the same age, have similar upbringings, and are in similar types of work, yet the friendships just plain difficult? What I've seen is that some people either need to exercise way too much control, almost as if they don't see you as an equal, or they are way too selfish, when it comes to lifting a finger to lend a hand with something, and I'm not even talking money. I've got a long fuse, and it takes a while but, in the last two months, I've severed ties with two friends who needed to impose their sense of structure on my life. Theirs is actually quite lacking in structure, so they don't have much credibility to begin with. Sometimes we have to let go. Have you done this and did a take a while to get over parting with a friend?
We are emotionally invested in others we are around, especially close friends. At the end of the day, we are responsible for the quality of our lives, however. While your external circumstances, in this case your friend, may be causing you negative emotions -- you are the one allowing it to affect you in this way. If cutting ties is what will help, that may be what you decide to do. This is a decision you must make. As for the mourning period, that will most likely come. Like mentioned earlier, we are invested in those we interact with on varying levels, and the loss of that, like when someone we are invested with dies, it leaves us with a bit of a void until time or conscious effort to replace it fills that place in our lives in.
I had this recently too I just realized certain people and one in particular were not good for me. He would do things that bothered me an I would just let it slide, I told myself 'he's insecure, that's why he says these things' This was a long term friend and after I came out I just couldn't deal with his negativity anymore. Ironically he was my only gay friend at the time.. I think it's more about what I need in my life right now and less about his flaws. And no I'm not upset writing him off. He had it coming. He was one of these people who would put others down to feel better about himself and looking back I don't know why I ever put up with it, I wish I never had. A couple months after coming out I was talking about maybe going to pride and I told him I was nervous about going, I made myself vulnerable, and he used the opportunity to just totally knock me down and that was when I'd had it. I told him what my issues with him were (without being mean and angry) and I never talked to him again and I don't regret it a bit.
Thanks, both Kenaz and Sarah1. I've already done it. I actually wish I had done it sooner. I waited too long because the patterns kept repeating themselves, and it was sort of a strike three for both of these friends. That's why I think I'm a little mad at myself.
Good to hear you are doing what is best for you! Don't forget to replace that 'space' with something positive for you!
