So i don't actually know what to do... Lately i've been having some issues with my boyfriend... We have been dating for 6 months now. At first we had huge fights because he was always talking about his ex boyfriend (2 year relationship)... Over the time, and after some fights, i think he got him out of his system (atleast i hope so) even though he said he wasnt in love with him anymore when he first met me... But lately he has become more intimate with his female best friend... And it makes me mad that he spends so much time with her... It has come to the point where he says: mondays and thursdays are exclusively for her and her family so dont bother trying to ask me out... What it really makes me upset is that this weekend she invited him to a music festival (she had the tickets for free) this friday and saturday and he left all the plans we made for the weekend saying this was once in a lifetime opportunity so he would rather go with her because, most of all, it was free... And this is not all... She texts him frequently, they talk frequently on facebook... and when he's with her and her family he takes like 4 hours to text me back and sometimes wont even pick my phone calls... i checked his facebook (i know, my bad... very bad...) and he had a talk with her saying they were like soulmates and who knew if they could end up together.... I trust him and i know he doesnt like girls (even though he says he might be bissexual)... But saying that is like putting me aside and saying we might not have a future... And yes, she knows hes gay, and i know her and she knows im his boyfriend... Last time we had a big fight and he said he wouldnt change about this issue... He even said it was better we break up... So i said: ok, do you wanna break up? It's up to you... But then everything ended up fine... Till now... Please help... Is it me? am i being selfish? :S
It seems to me that the problem here isn't necessarily that he's doing all these things (facebook aside, I'll get to that in a second), but rather that you feel pretty second-string with him, and from the sounds of it, have felt that way for the majority of your relationship. If he's got some unresolved issues with an ex, okay, that's one thing (though personally I would consider this a bit of a warning sign), and if you're patient enough that you want to deal with helping him work through them, cool. Okay, so his friend got concert tickets, and if it's really that big of a deal, then fine. Individually, maybe these events are understandable. But it seems like this is a pattern, and the end result is you feeling like you're not important to him. It's okay to have a conversation about this when you're not arguing - in fact, I would encourage you to bring this up. Maybe plan a time with him to talk about all of it. It's not something that's going to go away on its own. If he's willing to see your side and work a little harder to make you feel like you're his top priority, and you're willing to be open to whatever he may bring up, then maybe you guys can work forward from there. Now, as for the facebook thing. This is a little touchy because it's the kind thing you're also going to need to talk to him about sometime, but you're not totally blameless here, even if he was doing something wrong, and it's going to give him some ammunition. But this needs to come out, too. You need to know that this isn't something that will happen anymore (and at this point I think you have the right to ask him to cut back a little bit with her), and he needs to know that you won't be invading his privacy anymore. In any case, a long, non-heated (insofar as it's possible) conversation is needed here.
I feel that if you are calling each other boyfriend, you both have the right to a certain degree of exclusivity. All good relationships have boundaries, that's what makes it a relationship to begin with. You have the right to expect certain things from him, as he does of you, but as with countries, boundaries are either negotiated or fought over...your choice: diplomacy or war...
Yes, it's hard to see why you call this guy your boyfriend if he is not living up to your expectations. How do you know he is not bisexual? Could it be your attachment to him is clouding your judgment?
I know he's not bi because he never compliments women. But when a hot man passes through he says how hot he is. He never sees straight porn, never talks about straight sex and so on... Thank you guys for all your replies
Emotional attraction is not the same thing as sexual attraction. For some people, love and sex is different. If it the case, then it is plausible for one to be emotionally attracted to one sex and sexually attracted to another. Just pointing this out.
Yes, but i know he's attracted to me in both ways... He shows me how much he loves me, he's caring and comprehensive... But then again, we had a fight last night because he was with me and was texting her messages... He said that being with me didnt mean he couldnt answer her back and that i was trying to make him not talk to his friends... I mean, C' MON!!! I also had a conversation about that situation where he said to her that they would end up together and he laughed... That kind of laugh that says: you're being paranoic and that's completely stupid... Im so mad... Because now he says i'm always complicating things and that i dont have reasons to be jelous of her... I'm so mad that i have the urge to break out with him just to show him how it feels... And to show him that we only miss people when they go away... :S ---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2013 at 01:58 PM ---------- Btw Reptillian, The definition of sexual orientation is to be sexually attracted to one genre: Homo if same, hetero if not, bi if both. ---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2013 at 01:59 PM ---------- Atleast that is what i've learned in psychology xD I had it in college since i'm a nurse. ---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2013 at 02:04 PM ---------- Although some autors say it's both romantically and sexually
I think he's the one... I even introduced him to my mother as my boyfriend... And because of him i came out to my mother and father... Because it was time, since i found someone i love (since i never felt that before...) And thankfully they accept it quite well =)
Well if he was there to help/usher you through that process, then that if nothing else will have been a good thing. If that's the case, though, and minor conversations in the moment aren't happening, then it may be time for a bigger one. Whether this girl is an actual problem or not, it's pretty clear that you don't feel valued in the relationship, and you deserve to look at that together as a couple. Maybe he can fix that, maybe he can't, but he should at least take a shot and be aware of it, if he hasn't yet.
The problem is that, the more i complain, the worst it gets... like he does it on purpose just to upset me...
Yes, different authors say different things, but the problem with the romantic+sexual qualifier to sexuality is that it ignores existence of asexual people who are emotionally attracted to others and erases the fact that they don't experience sexual attraction while it also erases those people who are only sexually interested, but not romantically interested. There's other meanings of sexual orientation. Sexual orientation can be defined as a prolonged state of being in respect to the direction of attraction regarding sex/gender. It does not always have to be life-time qualifier as there are people whose sexual orientation has changed over long period of times with no will of choices of their own.
Well, have you tried a more calm conversation, when both of you can talk about it without complaining or getting upset? It's an awkward situation, with you feeling unvalued and hurt, and he not wanting to break up, but something is going to have to give sooner or later - without some sort of change, I doubt you're going to be happy here.
Gravity is right man. You should talk to him calmly and tell him how you feel. If your "boyfriend" still acts like he shows no Intrest then maybe it's time to separate for a while.
Hey guys, thank you for all your replies. I think things got better. Now he wont text her all the time when she texts him. Not even on facebook... She even phone called him and he said he couldnt talk much cuz was with me... She invited him out and he said he was already with me as well. I think he's beginning to understand =). I spent all days with him (as much as possible since i work) this week and even slept with him... Things are gettin' back as they used to be, atleast i hope so.
Hey! I have a new question. Hope you guys help me =). Yesterday my boyfriend saw his ex father who invited him to dinner with them. He and his ex dont talk (tough he invited him twice for coffee after he started dating me (my bf said no, btw)...). He said to his father that he was very busy and it was gonna be hard to go... Hes affraid he might ask him several times to go ans he said he would talk to his ex saying: it's better you tell your father that we dont talk anymore or even the truth or i will... I said it was better not to do that, since he was going to give him reasons to start a little war... After that we talked about friendship after ending a relationship... I said those things dont work... And asked him if he would be friends with his ex... He said he wouldnt but it was just because of me, because he respects me and he knew i couldnt handle if they were friends... Because if we werent dating he would be friends with his ex because, according to him, before they start dating they were friends... I'm so upset he wants to be friends with him... Despite the fact that he cheated, lied etc... =/ Sorry for my english... It's not my native language :/
