At university, I met a girl last year who was really friendly and fun to be with. I gradually realized that I have feelings for her, since I started to act very nervous around her, am too embarrassed to look at her face more than 3 seconds, blushing as soon as I see her... On her birthday, I wrote her a letter that might suggest that I like her more as a friend, I wished I didn't write something like that...:bang: I thought that I was straight, but now- not anymore? I also don't know what I should do about her. She seems to be straight and is dating guys, so I can't really force her to like me that way, can I? I hope she doesn't know that I like her that way...I would like to stay friends with her, but am afraid that my feelings for her would get me into trouble! I fantasised about making out with her and doing other inappropriate things with her... many times...and felt extremely awful and guilty afterwards and beat myself up, but somehow I can't stop doing that...:icon_sad: I can't to talk to anyone about this. My parents are rather conservative...when I once said that I might be a lesbian, she immediately laughed it off and said that this wouldn't be possible...My friends are currently not in the same town, so basically I was bored, moping around this summer holiday, being sleepness at night obsessing about the girl and angry about everthing and nothing the next day... What should I do? I'd be really glad if someone could help me out!
A damsel in distress. Before you make any moves I think it best that you confirm your sexuality first because if you make a move first and then realise you don't like her, it's going to be a mess and weird. You should continue becoming friends with her though, the more friends the merrier. Once that is done you have to come out to your friends or your peers first if you are comfortable and that should include your crush as well because coming out and admitting to a crush can be overwhelming to her. Then once the people around you or your close friends know about you, and you are generally comfortable enough, you can always ask her out. I'm sorry this is all the advice I can give, I've only been rejected and have had no success. We're always around to help you. I hope things work out for you. Good luck.
Thanks for you advice, Azreal. After I've discussed the option of confessing to her with my friends, I wrote her an confession email. One month has gone by, no reply. Yet. I can imagine why she doesn't reply, she may be really surprised/shocked that I like her this way...and she is not sure how to reply in a way that doesn't hurt my feelings, (she is most probably straight). That's really frustrating for me!!:tears: I hope she'll reply soon.
3 months have gone by- and no reply from her. I guess it doesn't make sense to wait for her to reply to my confession, really. Not replying is most probably her way of telling me that she doesn't like me this way as well, I realized :tears::tears: It's not like I didn't see this coming- I thought that she isn't interested in girls romatically and knew that it would turn out this way, but I can't help and feel sad and frustrated about being rejected all the time.:bang::tears: It's hard for me to look forward to every next day, I never want to get up in the morning (but I make myself to) and if I wanted, I could stay in bed and cry all day... This has been going on for a month already; I have been feeling more or less depressed lately, lost interest in my studies (I'm at university) and can't remember the last time i felt happy during the last month...on the other hand I feel like I could cry anytime during the day. I have told only a few of my friends about my crush, and since I see my friends once a week maximum (they live far away from where I live right now), I get the impression that I am on my own in this. The question that has been on my mind lately: Can I actually get over her? When? How???
If three months have gone by, she's not going to respond. It's understandable that she's overwhelmed, but enough time has gone by that neither of you can evade the problem anymore. I think it'd be best at this point to "confront" her; you guys need to talk this out. Admitting to something like this can't be done in an email. If you'd like to remain friends or at least explain yourself, you're going to need to get some time with her alone. If you feel you can't talk to her for some reason, I'd suggest seeing a therapist, or someone to talk to. You (probably?) might be falling into depression. As for getting over her, the best way is really just to make yourself forget. I'm guessing whenever you have a free moment she's on your mind, but you need to find other things to think about. Try picking up a new hobby. Distraction is really the best way. I hope this helps, good luck.
Thanks for your quick reply! I have not met her in person ever since I confessed to her. ...well there was one time when I saw her on campus, but I didn't approach her and said hi because I was extremely scared about how she would react as soon as she would see me. I might meet her this week, though. And the idea of meeting seems less scary now (but still...)... I went to see a therapist-it was helpful and the therapist was very understanding, but my mood didn't improve much. It might be the best to see a doctor-I'm aware that my condition is not improving and it's hard to judge for myself how severe my depression is. I'll try to distract myself as much as I can, thanks for the suggestion
This is something i can relate to. In a rather troubled phase of my life, where i was confused about weather i was gay or straight or bisexual or who knows. At one point in time, i felt just like you are feeling... and its still something I'm battling with. At one point i thought i was straight and the other i found myself having all sorts of fantasies about my friend. You are even luckier i think. My friend never made it easy for me, he is one of those people who speaks there mind and would choose to sleep (or walk) naked in your house without even asking you (he is not at all shy with his nudity). My behavior, my actions, my thoughts, everything started to change when i was around him. It was never easy, at one point i was so frustrated i just figured it'd be best to stay away from him, perhaps if we weren't friends anymore i wouldn't have such kind of feelings. It had gotten so bad that I craved the feeling of his skin on my own, yet again i was so confused. I'm a guy... his a guy. Why should i crave another guys touch? I hated the fact that he made me feel this way, to the point where I'd ask him not to put his hand over my shoulders or around my waste. This made things awkward for both of us. My hormones where going nuts back then and they really caused a lot of damage to the shaping of my sexuality. I believed i was a straight guy, so i would never admit to liking another fellow guy. But maybe i did or maybe it was just a pure, sexually driven thing (hormones and all). I can tell you that now i can understand the people that say, "i know i like him/her more than a friend but I'd rather not lose my friend. NO!, I'm not saying that you should never tell your friend how you feel, that would do both you and her a great deal of damage to your relationship. Yes!... even though you don't know how (or when), one way or the other you will tell her how you feel. I never told my friend how i felt. I guess i didn't have to... I'll just say, actions speak for themselves and because of those actions our relationship was never the same. Are we still friends? Yes, but just not the friends we used to be. We stopped hanging out and he begun hanging out with other people. I hated missing him... but what did i miss? Did i miss the feeling of his skin on mine?... NO! I missed my friend, plain and simple. Yes!... you have to accept the fact that your attraction, to your friend, maybe, pure infatuation. (consider the paragraph above)... (I say this regarding how unsure you are of your sexuality... its not easy for us to love someone/ rather its not easy for us to find the right person.) Do i still feel the same way about my friend?.... NO!... How?... Time. Please do not be offended by any of what ever i say. If you are willing, I'd like to talk further about this with you, given how similar our experiences are. So, feel free to in box me if you wanna... also i like you to share with me, how its been living a life not knowing your sexual identity (Frankly I'm asking for help in this area of sexual orientation) ---------- Post added 4th Dec 2013 at 05:13 AM ---------- This is something i can relate to. In a rather troubled phase of my life, where i was confused about weather i was gay or straight or bisexual or who knows. At one point in time, i felt just like you are feeling... and its still something I'm battling with. At one point i thought i was straight and the other i found myself having all sorts of fantasies about my friend. You are even luckier i think. My friend never made it easy for me, he is one of those people who speaks there mind and would choose to sleep (or walk) naked in your house without even asking you (he is not at all shy with his nudity). My behavior, my actions, my thoughts, everything started to change when i was around him. It was never easy, at one point i was so frustrated i just figured it'd be best to stay away from him, perhaps if we weren't friends anymore i wouldn't have such kind of feelings. It had gotten so bad that I craved the feeling of his skin on my own, yet again i was so confused. I'm a guy... his a guy. Why should i crave another guys touch? I hated the fact that he made me feel this way, to the point where I'd ask him not to put his hand over my shoulders or around my waste. This made things awkward for both of us. My hormones where going nuts back then and they really caused a lot of damage to the shaping of my sexuality. I believed i was a straight guy, so i would never admit to liking another fellow guy. But maybe i did or maybe it was just a pure, sexually driven thing (hormones and all). I can tell you that now i can understand the people that say, "i know i like him/her more than a friend but I'd rather not lose my friend. NO!, I'm not saying that you should never tell your friend how you feel, that would do both you and her a great deal of damage to your relationship. Yes!... even though you don't know how (or when), one way or the other you will tell her how you feel. I never told my friend how i felt. I guess i didn't have to... I'll just say, actions speak for themselves and because of those actions our relationship was never the same. Are we still friends? Yes, but just not the friends we used to be. We stopped hanging out and he begun hanging out with other people. I hated missing him... but what did i miss? Did i miss the feeling of his skin on mine?... NO! I missed my friend, plain and simple. Yes!... you have to accept the fact that your attraction, to your friend, maybe, pure infatuation. (consider the paragraph above)... (I say this regarding how unsure you are of your sexuality... its not easy for us to love someone/ rather its not easy for us to find the right person.) Do i still feel the same way about my friend?.... NO!... How?... Time. Please do not be offended by any of what ever i say. If you are willing, I'd like to talk further about this with you, given how similar our experiences are. So, feel free to in box me if you wanna... also i like you to share with me, how its been living a life not knowing your sexual identity (Frankly I'm asking for help in this area of sexual orientation)
It breaks my heart to hear that someone is having difficulties in there academics all because of a sexual orientation related problem... I suffered the worst through high school and the result of paying attention to my depression was bad. Please, i beg you, do not let life's hindrances stop you from being what you want to become!.... the world need more doctors, more engineers, more... i don't know, scientists. I can only advise you forget... yes, trick yourself into forgetting; who you are, where you come from, everything forget every thing when you find yourself in that classroom!!! and only think of where your going! Uhmm, what are you studying at University btw?
Hi Riddick- Well, it’s not like I didn’t have a similar experience- I once saw some nude photos of her with some suggestive comments added to them of her on the wall. I completely freaked out because that was very out-of-character of her and…they turned me on and...that felt very wrong to me! Imagine how relieved I was after I found out that she didn’t post these photos herself…It was a friend who pranked on her - he got on her facebook account when she was asleep at night. In my situation, it might not have occured to her that I fancy her- I am a non-local student in the UK and she (local student) probably thinks I act nervous around British people generally since English is not my first language /I am an overseas student. But actually I only act this nervous around her… Just a month or so after meeting her for the first time, I knew that I was falling for her back then, but I kept telling myself that what I was feeling wasn't real, that I must have been imagining things and that I should never tell her that I fancy her...I knew that even if I were really gay, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, liking girls is not “wrong” or “unnatural” but it did feel really weird to like a girl this much. It took me four months or so to finally admit to myself that my feelings for her were real. She is the first person I ever felt attracted to, believe it or not. And I told myself: "If my first love isn't a guy but a girl, it's still counts as first love, right? Don't worry, I'm not offended by anything you said. Yeah, I’m willing to talk about the experience of not knowing your sexual orientation. I can't send you private messages as a regular member, though. And I can't post my contact details offically in the forum either. Do you mind if I open up a separate thread for it? Umm, I am actually more upset about the fact that she won’t be returning my feelings than because of my sexual orientation (it’s my first time, after all!). I study Food Science and Nutrition, pretty much a girls’ subject.
