I never really thought I was anything other than straight, until I met Erin. We had tried out for our 8th grade play, and she got one of the leading roles while I was awarded a minor role being her sidekick. Naturally, this started our friendship, because we had to talk to each other quite a bit during the performances. We soon found out we had a lot in common; we both loved Hetalia, cooking, drawing, anime, manga, and best of all, we shared a secret interest in yaoi. We started hanging out during the play practices, and everything was fine. Soon, however, I began to notice a small feeling I would get whenever I talked or hung out with her. Never having a crush on anyone else before, I had no idea what was going on until she began to sing to me. Having an amazing voice, she was never afraid to sing whatever song was on her mind. Fairly soon, whenever I heard her sing, I began to get chills and I couldn't keep a straight face, and I ended up just grinning dreamily like an idiot whenever she sang. This is when I first realized that I had a crush on her. We became even closer friends over time, and finally we had a sleepover for the first time. We were trying to stay up until 3:00 am to play a special game, but she ended up falling asleep with her head on my lap as I read her a creepy-pasta that I really liked. This pushed me over the edge of uncertainty, and I finally accepted my crush for her due to how I felt that night; watching her fall asleep like a innocent little child. Now, more than 5 months later, I've decided to confess to her what I feel. Although, I'm afraid that if I do, she'll no longer want to be around me or she may just flat out laugh at me. Also, I can't really talk to anyone else about this, because school is starting up again soon, and I'm not exactly the most loved and looked up to person in the school. People may just think it's a joke for attention or that I'm just being weird again, and no one would take me seriously. My mother is homophobic and my father wants me to be humanity's idea of perfect, which, due to the stereotypical world we now live in, does not include having feelings for your same gender group. Erin really is my only hope to coming out of the closet without being sent to therapy or being ridiculed by people who think it is just a joke. Yet, I can't, for fear I would push her away. I really am in need of some advice on what to do right now...... so please.....If anyone could offer any advice on what I should do from this point on, anything would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time in reading this!
When I came out to my best friend (who I also have strong feelings for) he was completely fine with both my sexuality and the fact that I like him. Also, just because you tell your friend it doesn't mean that the whole school will find out (unless she tells people, which she won't if she is a good friend). If you feel like you want to tell her then tell her. Remember; nothing ventured, nothing gained.
First I must emphasize that what you are feeling is not weird or strange or an abomination; it's completely natural. I personally have possessed feelings for heterosexual women of varying degrees of intensity. I believe that it's especially common in the incipient stages of coming out to yourself. However there is a large difference between pronouncing your love and coming out. They have separate consequences and implications for your friendship. Speaking from personal experience I think it's best not to reveal your feelings. It adds a layer of unneeded and emotionally wrought complexity to your friendship, and ultimately it will most likely end in disappointment. You see, us humans, we invent these elaborate scenarios and project nonexistent subtexts to our unreciprocated relationships. I remember being fifteen and convincing myself my best friend was also gay based on a photo she happened to like. I definitely think you should consider coming out to your best friend though. Test the water; bring up current LGBT events and allow her to express her thoughts on the matter. As far as your parents that's an entirely different discussion. If there is any indication that if you reveal your sexual orientation they will kick you out or refuse to pay for your college education then I strongly urge you to wait until you are educated and/or fiscally stable to reveal your sexual orientation. Don't allow their homophobia to jeopardize your future. Hope this helped! Best wishes!
Thank you guys for the help, and I think I know sort of what to do now. I already know that she is okay with individuals being homosexual, due to her interest in yaoi. Although, she has repeatedly told me how disgusting and wrong yuri is, so that's where I'm a bit scared..... Next time we get together, I think I'll be ready to tell her, or at least drop some more hints..... I'll keep my crush on her a secret though for a while......Or I'll just see if I ever get over it. She's a really good friend, and one of the only friends I have, so I'm probably just going to see how things go from here on out before I do anything drastic. Thank you both for your advice! <3
