The man in which I'm reffering to is an older guy named Joe, who is a regular at my workplace (Strong's Cafe). I met him back in....late May, and well....technically we didn't become friends, but I knew early on he had some attraction towards me, which sadly is rare and I HATE that it tends to be older guys that aren't even remotely attractive to me always want to flirt with me. Why can't a slender young guy in his twenties hit on me? :tears: I mean, am I really that ugly? I don't think my weight is too much and I can always make it drop, I just don't feel like it. I weigh 202lbs from 190lbs (oh gawd!). I took that gay clique test, it says I'm a pup. I don't get it.... Anywho, Joe has been lately outright flirting with me openly, and even though everyone at the Cafe knows I'm gay (co-workers, boss, his family, some extended friends of theirs) and they don't bother me about it (at least not to my face), but I don't need some fag (please forgive me for saying that, I'm just a bit irate right now) openly gawking me in front of the fucking masses!! Last thing I need is to be 'gay bashed' because he's too stupid to not realise I don't like being open about who I am! Okay rant over (again, sorry) but he recently (Oh Gawd!) proposed to me. I mean marriage proposal. O.O :eek::icon_redf:bang::dry::tantrum::***: GAWD! I hate it. I mean, he didn't propose in the normal sense, we were sitting side-by-side and he turned towards me, at random and said "Hey baby, you wanna get married?" in what he deemed to be a sexy, seductive voice and he was dead serious! the proposal, if you can call it that, happened on this past Friday, and what was my answer? I fucking choked! I don't mean that literally, but I wanted to knock him out for saying it aloud so all could hear! I was so damn embarrassed, I mean I was blushing for like hours afterwards. Know the worst part? I now have these un-wanted feelings for him, which I know is in direct connection to my eternal loneliness factor, and that it is indeed rare for a guy to be attracted to me and make it obvious to boot. Okay so let's look at the facts: 1. He looks to be in the 50-60 years of age range, which is way too fucking old! 2. This is going to sound racist (forgive me) but he's black, and despite me being black also, I really hate my ethnicity and strictly forbid myself from ever dating/being with black men. Truth though, I did give one black guy a bj. I hate myself for it, I really do. -_- 3. He's not the slim, slender body type I go for and his feet are abhorridly ugly. 4. He has a body odor due to his medication. 5. He has this pompous, poof, french, bougie attitude which I find highly annoying. 6. He criticizes things way too much, a pet peeve I have. 7. I don't even know much about him on a personal level, as he usually asks about me, and I tell him bits of my life, but I've never asked him about his. Actually I don't ask people about their lives because mine's such a wreck, why care about theirs till mine is fixed? 8. Seeing as he can't keep his big, fat, gay mouth shut around others well....grrr. Now for more. He wants me to come live with him starting August 1st to his new apartment. I'd not have to pay any bills, I'd get my own bedroom and bathroom. As I live in a truck full of flies, it sounds nice, but I don't trust him. Actually I don't trust anyone, except God, but it's not like I can date the almighty (lol). Lastly, now Joe refers to me as his 'fiancee' and sadly we did talk about going to New York to get married (part of me wants that for some Un-Godly reason). He also hates that I work late hours and misses me when I'm not around him. Another fucked up factor is that I'm starting to develop feelings for him, but why? Am I a slut and don't know it? Somehow the thought of my young body dominating his older one gives me a powerful surge of....well....you know. I've even taken to flirting back with him. What the fuck is going on? HELP!! ~Tyler
I debated on posting in this thread, but I couldn't not post. Firstly, you need to check yourself. You're on a support forum. You do NOT need to be posting things lile calling someone a fag and, something that personally pisses me off as I am an African American, speaking highly dismissively about an ethnicity, which, in my opinion, is racism. I understand you're frustrated by your situation, but that does NOT give you free license to spout such hateful speech on a public forum where people with issues and poor self-esteem come to feel safe. I and almost everyone else here do NOT appreciate that. At all. Secondly, if you dislike him so much, just tell him you're not interested, and stop leading him on. He kinda sounds sketchy, to be honest. I personally know what it's like to develop feelings for someone out of loneliness, and I can look back on it and just say "My GOD, what was I thinking?", so do you really want to be in that situation in the future, especially if you're actually with him at the time? Also take into consideration the age difference and the sketchy marriage proposal. Trust your head, not your heart.
He is only interested in one thing, well 2 actually, Sex & your Youth, he is praying on your loneliness & see's you as some kind of Trophy, he sounds like he is old enough to be your Grandfather, he sounds like Herbert from the Family Guy, He is outing you over & over again to strangers, he is taking away your right to tell who you want to know that you are Gay, my advice is Run, Run Run
I'd like to second Bolin... about everything he's said. To add my own thoughts in my own words: it sounds like the guy's almost preying on you, even if it doesn't seem like it. He'd basically... be your sugar daddy by giving you a free place to live and presumably some other perks? That's what it sounds like to me. While it's likely an appealing fiscal opportunity, there are tons of downsides to doing so. Again, refer to what Bolin's said, because he's right.
I'm sorry you feel that way about African-Americans, not all people are the same my friend. Just some thing to think about but I don't want to going into that. And if your not interested in the guy currently in question then just say so. I get hit on by older guys all the time and if not into them and before it gets out of hand I let them know, like the judges on American idol, " sorry but its going to be a no." Older gay guys I find some times to be a lot more straight forward in their pursuit and if your at work and this guy is harassing you, you could always have him kicked out, or simply call the cops. I have to say this even though I was trying to stop myself but you should to some serious self searching. If you feel that way about any RACE to the extreme of you hating yourself for engaging and their company, especially your own, I think you might need to address that. It would have been different if said you had a preference, I could have maybe understood that but you said the word hate and threw me over the edge. Speaking like that causes me to question how do you feel about yourself? Sounds like before you start looking for a relationship to should focus on the relationship you have with yourself. And if your judging all blacks by the ones in your part of town, try and see the world we are not all the same and yet no ones better then next. I have to end with this, you almost hurt my feelings!! Because I am not subject to that kind of hate from anyone and to hear it from someone of my now race, makes it so much worse. Because I work too hard to be the best me I can be. I just finished my first college degree with a GPA high enough for almost any college, I do not live at home, yes I pay rent, and am not on any kind of public assistance. I will also say I look damn good, I don't clean up well because I never get dirty.....lol and eat so healthy I smell like flowers.....lol. my point is I don't want all my hard work to be over looked because of my race and if you can say that image what other might be thinking. When will stop!
If you're not interested (and weren't from the get go way back in May) why have you not simply told him (politely) that you aren't interested and then either not reacted to his flirting, asked him to stop, or worked to avoid him as much as possible? Instead you describe talking to him and sitting by him, apparently to a sufficient degree to have a conversation about getting married. If you work at this place, I assume you have things to do or could find things to keep you busy so you wouldn't need to be near him. So why haven't you? As far as him talking to you or looking at you, it seems to me he is in more danger of getting beaten up for this behavior than you are, at least if you aren't responding to it or making it clear that it's unwelcome. But it sounds like your responses have been a bit unclear in all this. Did you ask him to stop saying these things to you? Did you let him know before he said anything that you don't like it being announced out loud? If not, how was he supposed to know this? It is (to be blunt) not his fault that he's not your idea of a perfect man. Not even really relevant to the point actually and being offended by it is a waste of time and energy and not really realistic anyway. So refer back to the point above and do what you should have done from the beginning - politely turn him down and move on. If he persists in hitting on you, you can either laugh it off or maybe speak to the management about getting him to stop or making him leave. Although if they know him and like him that may or may not work out well. Regarding your loneliness and other issues... While it's very unfortunate that you've apparently had a rough life, if you let it dominate every aspect of your existence, then your being alone seems unlikely to get better. People can sense simmering anger or active hate (you do describe yourself as hating an entire race of people to which you happen to belong, which seems likely to cause some issues in itself), or active indifference toward them (which is really what you're doing when you say you can't be bothered to care about anyone else's life). Very few find any of these traits attractive and unless you're a vastly better actor than I suspect you are, you are likely putting out a vibe that is going to make most people head in the other direction. I believe the term 'self-fulfilling prophecy' was mentioned in another thread you were a part of... Anyway. Politely turn him down and ask him to please stop flirting with you as it makes you uncomfortable. If he persists, speak to the management and see if they can do anything. Be prepared for the possibility that they can't and that you may have to find another job or learn to just work around him. My 2c worth, Todd
I just want to add, that I'm black - and I wasn't offended. I feel like we all have our things, and the fact that you're so open is a good thing because it lets everyone know the real you. (Regardless of how socially unacceptable that person may be). Honestly, let him down. I don't really want to spend time on that though, one thing I really want to say is that the guys you're talking about you want to date kind of work on themselves, apparently more then you do. A lot of guys go to the gym for a reason, and if you don't think that you're "that overweight" then maybe you should accept the fact that if you don't like a body that's not built in some way, then a lot of other guys are probably thinking the same when they first question you. I'm js, if you want results - put the work in. I feel like a lot of people really miss this basic concept. Sorry if this was crass in anyway. -Aer
I figured there'd be some anger over my racial comments. It was non-intentional, I assure you, but if brutal honesty must be spoken, then damned if I be a tied-tongued one. Moving away from that, the situation between me and Joe is getting worse. Now I'm outright flirting with him, reffering to him as 'my baby' or 'my man', even using the word honey....... I'm in dire straights, and I want to stop all this but I can't seem to do so. As it happens, yes he's a friend of my boss and my boss's brother, who appearantly is his ex-boyfriend. As far as marriage is concerned, I don't know if we'd be serious about it, but the convo keeps coming up. I'm also practically out of the closet (only during the night shift) and openly act gay (the stereotypical methods, you know....) and I feel....I feel happy-ish. I mean no one in there is even remotely judging me or my behavior, which is rare, so it's great-ish. I highly doubt it but I think I'm rapidly falling for Joe, and I can damn be sure that it isn't lust, because lust would imply a sexual attraction, which is non-existent. However, I can't speak for him, and he seems like he wants my body. I wish him luck in that endeavour. I don't even use my.....well.....actually I've been sashaying a lot more than usual lately, and my whole limp-wrist thing is back, even my voice (heaven help me) is reverting back to its old girly-ish tone. Why is this happening to me? Oh right, God decided I'd be a gay male, damn him!!! I think I need to cut my dick off and end all this. Or, I could start cutting again and use the scars to scare the living shit out of Joe. I used to cut, and to be honest, I miss doing it.
Stating opinions is generally not an issue. The method in which you deliver said opinions, however, can be. And given that forums communicate through text and you lose the subtleties of facial expression and body language, your word choice is incredibly important. I learned this lesson the hard way. Your actions towards Joe (being more stereotypically "gay") could be a result of you responding to his advances. You've got two real options here: either move into some degree of relationship with him, or call it off. You're expressing to us that you're really not interested in it (in fact, you're rather disgusted by what you're doing), so then take some actions to secure some social space away from him. Given what I vaguely know about your situation, I'm assuming quitting your job isn't an option. Could you talk to your boss about keeping Joe in line? Better yet, could you sit Joe down and explain to him that you really aren't interested in him in that way, either romantically or that odd companionship deal he's offering you? If you have to, write it out on a piece of paper and give it to him. Regardless, you need to begin expressing your disinterest in this situation. The longer you stay placid the more his "feelings" (whatever those may be) develop and the worse it'll get. No matter how worthless you might feel because life sucks, I can guarantee you you're worth more than being someone's "boy-toy".
Sorry but I thoroughly disagree with that, and given my current life, being someone's 'boy-toy' sounds like it'd be an upgrade. It doesn't help either that I have fantasies of being someone's boy-toy. Meh, I'll meditate on this, and I'll consider what you've all said. If I end up doing something stupid, well that's just me. I'm a dumbass, and I care not for when many people want to tell me how 'smart' or 'intelligent' I am, like I'm some fucking perfect being. Do those sons of bitches have any shred of an idea how deeply flawed I am?! Oh, there goes my temper, and I have no money and nothing to smoke. Time for vevo!
Being smart or intelligent is not the same as being perfect. I don't know how flawed you are (or even think you are) but I've no doubt at all that your are not perfect...because none of us are. That doesn't mean you can't still be smart or intelligent or even a pretty cool guy if given the chance (by others or yourself). I can say that when you aren't raging I've seen you give what I thought was pretty good and compassionate advice to someone who had posted here. Don't know if that helps or not in this present situation, but thought I'd put it out there. Regardless of what you decide in this, you are always welcome here on EC, at least as far as I'm concerned. Todd
1. Which is most of the time. 2. I have my rare moments of kindness and compassion, I am still human afterall. 3. Well it was nice to read about, I actually felt a small smile on my face, thank you. 4. That's for the staff to decide.
Perhaps you'd have more fun if it wasn't? Most of the folks here are. Guess we all have more in common than we thought! (&&&) Then if was well worth saying The staff decides whether or not you get to stay here. I was speaking just for my personal feeling of whether or not I enjoyed having you around. And only I get to decide that Best, Todd
