I'm just a crappy person to be around. I try to be positive because I feel better but sometimes the truth about my future becomes apparent. I'm not overweight, but I might as well be. Even though my BMI is only 20, I have no muscles at all--it's all fat. I've tried to work out (I run about 40 minutes daily for cross country and do arm, leg, and core work every day), but it doesn't work, so there's not a good chance of my being in "good" shape ever. I'm unattractive. Not only do I have that crummy body I described, but my face, hair, etc. are all horrible and hideous. No, I won't post a picture, because then you'll all give me fake compliments to make me feel better while secretly thinking how annoying I am for fishing for compliments. I'm not smart. I get OK grades and AP scores, but that's just a matter of working for a few hours a night to memorize the material. On the SATs, I'm absolute crap. And I don't have any real-world intelligence. I do enjoy academic pursuits, but I am just so bad at them that it doesn't matter. If there's one good thing about me, it's that I try to be nice. Try. But I suck at it, I come off as a selfish asshole. And even if I could be genuinely nice, I don't have anything to offer. Now, onto experience. Every time the idea of me asking someone out to prom comes up, I see a look of revulsion on people's faces. EXAMPLE TIME: I was sitting with "friends". There are quote marks there because no one is actually friends with me, they just pretend to be out of pity. Here's what happened. Friend 1 (male): Why didn't you ask anyone to prom. Me: Because no one would go with me. Friend 2 (female): nods surreptitiously to self Friend 1: OK, that makes sense. How can I stop caring so much? I've given up on actually getting people to like me because that will never happen--at least, that's been my main goal in life for 17 rotten years and it still hasn't happened, so experience suggests it won't.
Two things, firstly, pick up figure skating if you like it, this is my fourth year doing it and my legs are firm and sexy but the rest of my body is a bit bleh ATM because I haven't done weights. Secondly, no one should love you because of your looks. It's what's inside that counts. The outside helps if one is attractive, but it really should be about the inside otherwise you aren't in a legitimate relationship. Just express yourself and you should be able to find your one and only
if you're not gonna post a picture everyone's just going to assume you look perfectly fine and are insecure.
If you're working out that much you could actually be overdoing it, which will keep you from seeing results. Also how long have you followed this routine? If you've done the same thing or a long time, your body can plateau and stop progressing. On a related note, how are you eating? If you're not eating good foods or drinking enough water all the exercise in the world won't help you. If you don't like your hair consider a conversation with a stylist about changing it. Simply memorizing material is not the same as learning it. I learned that the hard way when I was your age and hit college. Take more time to study and really learn the info, not just memorize it. See if you can find a counselor or tutor to help you get started on this approach if need be. Todd
I can learn science and math OK, but anything else it just doesn't work. No matter how much time I spend memorizing it, it never sticks. Oh well.
So you may not be the most attractive and intelligent person on earth............it doesn't matter. At. All. So stop beating yourself up about it because it isn't going to help you in any way. You don't have to be the most attractive or intelligent person on earth for somebody to love you, because if you did there would only be two people on earth who had anyone who loved them, and everyone knows that isn't the case. People fall in love with what is on the inside, your personality. Be comfortable with who you are because if you are there will be a day in the future when all you think about yourself is proved wrong and somebody falls in love with you.
Coming from experience. The key to others loving you is for you to love yourself. You obviously have the willpower it takes to get over this poor self image, you study hard and try hard to bulk up. You are smart, not everyone can sat that they have even scored decent on an AP test, or even took one. The SAT is not for everyone, I myself did way better on the ACT that on the SAT. You are not "fat", you have convinced yourself that you are fat. Also, how do you know if no one will go with you to the Prom if you don't even ask? Another thing, if the people you surround yourself with are total jerks then find other people to hang out with, if any of the old crowd stick around then they might actually be your friends. Find an activity or something that you like and find other people that like it, think school club or something, and try hanging out with them. And about the academics thing, plenty of people who stunk at something stuck with it. If you feel that you do poorly at academic pursuits then study hard and put in your darnedest, either you get better or you don't knowing that you tried your hardest. And "ok" at maths and sciences is great, most people can't even do that and those are skills that are very useful in the "real world." Seriously, being hard working and good at maths and sciences will get you far, especially if you like them. The only person that nobody could ever love is the one that gave up because he though that nobody would ever love him.
You have the ability to change the things you can, and love the things you can't. There is no good advice, I find, for things like this. You aren't alone, and of course there's somebody out there who will love you. I've been through the same sort of situation and I have multiple people pursuing me - and I'm by no means attractive, inside or out. I don't mean to be rude, but it's true - there is no good advice.
Have you tried tutors and such already and this has failed? As mentioned earlier, simply memorizing information is not the same as learning it. Todd
