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So confused by my bisexuality

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TRnothing, Jul 24, 2013.

  1. TRnothing

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    Okay, So this may or may not be a tab bit out of desperation but I just figured I would post on here and see if others are having the same issues as me or might have any incite. Basically I am extremely confused about if i am bisexual or Gay or how i could ever really be happy being bi. I have only been in 4 relationships in my life so far. first one was with a girl for 4 years. then another girl 3 years and then a guy for about a year whom i dumped because i wanted to date girls again. But i didn't end up being with another girl instead i ended up with a guy again. This guy i have now been with for a number of years and its getting serious and I'm scared to death. He wants to get married and adopt kids and I just cant see my self getting married to a guy. Though i love him i have always wanted to have kids. not adopted kids but physically have my own kids. So now i have to ask my self if i only feel that way because of my christian family background or because its really how I feel. There is no denying that i am attracted to females. I very much am and was very much in love with my previous girlfriends. but I'm very attracted to guys too. How can i ever be happy when i always seem to want both? Am i the only one with this problem? Am i doomed? what is wrong with me? I just wish i could be one or the other and not have all this complication all the time.
     
  2. Wells

    Wells Guest

    I know exactly how you feel. Why adopt kids and marry this man when you can marry a girl and have your own kids? Do you really LOVE this guy? Or do you love him? Could you live with him for the rest of your life? If you really feel like having your own children biologically, and honestly wish not to marrymarry him and adopt children, then even though you love him, maybe you'd both be better off without: you can find a girl and he can marry a man and adopt children. It definitely seems that you wantwant a straight marriage and own kids. So this might outweigh being in a LTR with a guy.
     
  3. Split Arrows

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    From my own experience and what many of my bi friends have said, what you are going through is totally normal. I, personally, realized after I started to come out that I need to completely rethink my "life plan " because there were so many more variables to consider. I have since realized that even if I end up with a woman I'd still want to adopt, because there are so many abandoned and neglected children that deserve a warm, loving home.

    Lastly, as some one who constantly over -analyses everything, you need to stop thinking so much lol.
     
  4. TRnothing

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    Wells: You ask if I LOVE him or just love him and i honestly dont know. that's part of my problem too. I have a deep love for him for sure but i don't know if its the kind of love that would keep me with him for the rest of my life. Its the kind of love where everything he does is cute to me and I really don't care what he looks like. If he gains weight or is disheveled it doesn't bother me at all so its not a superficial thing but I just cant seem to make my self accept the idea of being with him forever. Which makes me think maybe I don't love him as much as i think... either that or i have commitment issues. Or something. Its hard to say. This is all becoming very dire for me right now because I'm about to move in with him which is something he has wanted for a while and I am getting cold feet about it. I feel like its a mistake. Then again I worry that If i end up not living with him and break up with him on the grounds that I would rather be in a heterosexual relationship. I will end up breaking up with him and then gravitating to being in a relationship with a guy again.... which would be very messed up. Though speaking on a purely logical basis. Being in a relationship with a woman Is by far the best fit for me and what I want out of life... Oh man, I'm about to enter rambling territory here but on top of all this I saw my ex girlfriend the other day and she didn't speak to me and it really pissed me off and then i got to thinking... why did her ignoring me make me so mad... and I'm now worried i still have feelings for her... then a mutual friend told me that she is single now. And i was actually a little happy to hear that... I know i don't need to be with her again. but having those feelings in the midst of all this just doesn't help anything.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2013 at 03:52 PM ----------

    Split arrows: you know, honestly I have nothing at all against adopting and I wouldn't mind adopting children as well. I mean I see the same thing that you see. However I feel this very strong desire to have at least one child of my own. Preferably a male. And to be a good father... Maybe this is because I had an absent father I don't know but there is just a very strong magnetism there. If i had a son biologically I wouldn't mind adopting one or 2 other kids. PS- its very true that I do over think things. often it feels as if I'm trying to navigate through a labyrinth of crisscrossing and contradicting thoughts. Ive honestly considered going to a therapist to try and sort all this out.
     
  5. Steak is food

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    I see that as being a perfectly normal set of emotions to be going through, especially with a Christian background having which has likely attempted to brainwash you into thinking that being with a guy is a bad thing. Options and a lack of restrictions are what I've always looked for in life, to the point where I find the idea of getting married to someone difficult to comprehend. Also I personally hate the idea of having kids (maybe because of my age, maybe because I lack parental instinct or maybe I'm just weird) so I can't really comment on your mental battle in that department.
     
  6. Aquariuslove22

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    Love is love and although a bit expensive u can always have a surrogate if u want ur own biological child. That should not limit u from committing to ur boyfriend. Choosing to love him through marriage is a commitment. Your relationship has worked well to this point yeah? Examine the faulty christian heterosexist beliefs u have that make u hesitate.
     
  7. enigmeow

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    Trust me, don't put yourself in the closet to satisfy some life plan. Love the person your with. Is he your best friend? Is he amazing in bed? Do you think he would be a great father?
     
  8. xxaquaxx

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    If you're attracted to both sexes, you're bisexual (!)