Is my best mate gay? Erection whilst spooning.

Uh, for future reference, you shouldn't rub your friend's penis without his permission... Or anyone's, for that matter. I believe it's quite common for guys to just pretend to be asleep while such things happen, just because it's less awkward that way.

He could be gay. He could be bisexual. He could just be straight. He could be something else entirely. You won't know for sure unless you asked.

 

Um, I am sorry, but I don't think any straight guy would go to 3rd base multiple times with another guy. However it defiantly sound like he is deep in his closet. Try watching a movie with gay leads or talking about a gay celeb and gauge his reactions or maybe ask him the hypothetical " what would you do if I told you I was gay?"

 

Somenights has a good opinion and idea on how to figure out whether your friend is gay/bi or not. Perhaps use those, probably the best tips.

 

First of all, I agree with Luthan. You shouldn't touch anyone's intimate areas without their permission.
Hm, to me it sounds like he could be interested in guys but is in the denial phase. But you can't know unless you talk about it with him.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree. This happened once, not multiple times. Furthermore, what other option did this friend have? React and potentially cause a scene or some drama (It's not clear if there were others in the room/house/whatever at the time)? That'd just be embarrassing. Besides, getting touched there by anyone could potentially be good. It doesn't mean he's deep in the closet.

 

Imagine if the friend was a Girl & you did that, you could have heard the knock of the police on the door, to touch someones genitals without their consent or knowledge is Sexual Assault, well in the UK or Ireland it is, whether it's a Guy or a Girl :eusa_naug

 

Oh and another thing to add: an erection is no evidence. Rape victims get erections, too, it's a natural reaction of the body but they don't enjoy being raped, do they?

 

I didn't say that i thought he was in the right be touching his mates penis, but my opinion on that matter wasn't asked. Besides they were both drunk, gay or straight tell me you haven't done something you regret while drunk . Rather than rag on the op for his actions I chose to ignore it and provide advice on whether or not his friend was gay and give him options to find out how his friend would take it if the op came out to his friend. Furthermore leading into the possibility that if the op comes out to his friend it provides an example path/almost gaurnteed acceptance that if his mate is gay that he could safely come out to the op. I mean the first person I actually came out to (besides my sister) was my theatre manager, because he was gay, he knew what it's like and it almost garunteed me that I wouldn't have to worry much about telling him.

Sorry that kinda turned into a rant, but there is some good information there so I'll leave it.

 

Pardon me. Wrong word choice, and correction in bold.

Yes, I'm aware you didn't think that. I was not ragging on the OP for his actions besides my first post in this thread, but it had to be said. Letting such behaviour continue wouldn't be wise in many regards. I still don't think the friend can be considered deeply in the closet for having an erection and letting it get touched by his friend.

The rest of your first post in this thread was fine, though.

 

Agreed, not by that action alone, but cuddling repetitively? Adding on to the fact that his responses are erratic (meaning that he's fine with it sometimes, but not others) and his somewhat weavering response to gay people in general. Your right, maybe "deeply in the closet" was a bad choice of words as well, but when you look at all of that(cuddling, movie theather, weavering responce to gay people), this situation has quite a bit of potential in regards to the mate being.....not 100% straight, but I could be wrong....it happens (quite often)

 

I agree. It's quite homoerotic... but straight guys can be maddeningly ambiguous like that. Personally, I'm more of a cautious person, and so I err on that side a lot... But I definitely see where you're coming from. Don't doubt that

 

Am I the only one who finds this creepy? I dunno I just don't like people playing with my stuff without me saying they can or implying it.

 

see, they were friends though. I mean if it was some random person I'd be calling 9-1-1 asafp. However, it's just like any other relationship, you take a risk. I mean if this was a girl feeling a guy up, would we even be having this conversation? Plus I mean the guy had set boundaries before and it's not like he was afraid to say "stop".

 

So would it be OK for a Girl to Rape a Boy, just because he was a friend & in a deep sleep & his dick reacted to stimulation, most abusers are known by the victim, because he is a friend, doesn't give him the right to stick his hand down his pants without his consent & molester his genitals, thats not only sexual abuse but a betrayal of trust! :eusa_naug

 

The human brain is hard-wired to get aroused when its genitals are being "interacted" with, therefore him getting an erection isn't exactly a sign of him being gay/bi. The varying reactions to gays and the allowed snuggling up to him though...........possibly. You'll never know if you don't ask.

 

Hold on now, they were obviously close friends and it was not out of the normal for them to be somewhat intimate. Not rape, not even close to rape and the analogy you just drew was a gross misrepresentation of what I said.

Wasn't out of the normal. Implied permission and I think it's been blown way out of context.

 

I agree with the general consensus above that the only way to really know is for him to tell you. I definitely think coming out to him is a good idea. I do think the implication that you raped him is completely out of line though. I mean there was not verbal consent, but you by no means forced yourself on him. It may have been a little sexually inappropriate, but was NOT rape. He could have easily moved if he was awake and did not want that to happen. I am definitely not a guy, but I find it hard to believe that he wouldn't wake up while someone was touching his penis. I would like to think that I would wake up if someone had their hand down my pants. I also think that his varying reactions to your physicality show that either he doesn't know how he feels or he just doesn't know how to handle the situation. I think the only resolution to this particular question is talking. (I wouldn't bring up the drunken night in bed though..)

 

Wow, this thread became an argument practically. The OP touched his friends penis, okay, it's over and done with. I think you guys are just making him uncomfortable arguing over this issue rather than helping him resolve it.

Somenights, I agree with you and that their friendship is beyond what any of us can imagine. It sounds like you guys are just bashing on him for being "creepy." I don't get it, none of us are in his shoes... he's simply telling us once major incident that happened and I feel like everyone is nagging him base on that. Their friendship can't be established through a single post.

Anyway, I think your friend probably has feelings for you too. And like everyone said, you won't ever know unless you ask him straight up. But keep in mind that you are risking a lot of things at the same time. If you feel as if you're ready for it then you should give it a go. All his closeness without that you explained to us are valid that he probably does like you in a way. Good luck with this, and keep us up dated.